19 January 2004

I had a pretty short day today. Nothin much did happened. Had 3 classes today. Wasted about 2 hours when i attended Digital Computer Design class. Boy, was it super boring. Nothing went into my head. I think nothin i ever did since the first day of the class except maybe during one of the session where he explained VHDL. In my mind, I was thinking how I wish Mr. Lo Pe Chin was my lecturer instead of the one im having now. I guess i can see that most tutors are far more better off than lecturers who are all qualified with masters and PHDs. I wonder why the university is paying them so much money yet not produced much results where in the end the students are able to understand what they are teaching. It would be more affordable for the university to spend more on tutors than lecturers. I even heard there there was one tutor who was so good that students who attend the class would come half an hour earlier and when he comes in, the whole class would applaud his arrival.

(to be continued)

18 January 2004

It's hard at times to keep a constant journal of urself each and every day. I told myself that I'll finish my writings at the end of the day but always end up postponing it to the following day. Guess, sometimes its always procrastination or laziness. However, the reason why i postponed my writing to now is due to the extra journals that i need to write for Friday and Saturday that i didnt want to rush at maintaining a journal but making sure that I write it our properly and well. Enough of meditating on what blogging is, let me just continue with my lil story. Sit tight and smell the coffee...

It was another Sunday and as usual we were late again for church. I always wonder why we could never be early except when I'm on duty. Praise and worship was conducted by the Aspirers, the youths of my church and they led the congregration into high praise. Pastor Sally took over the pulpit and presented this Sunday message as Pastor Ben was preaching for another church in KL. I wasn't really paying attention to the entire sermon but caught a lil here and there. A thought came to mind as pastor was speaking.

"Giving Satan Too Much Credit"

I realised that nowadays many preachers speak about Satan and all his devilish schemes that seem to have got hold of many of us. It's good to know about this to a certain extend. But why give Satan the credit for what he has done and acknowledging it? I was wondering that if preachers were able to instill a sense of passion Jesus and maintaining that childlike faith, trusting that He will look after us if we obey to His voice, there wasn't much a need to dwelling deeply into knowing Satan's tattics. I know the importance of being aware of his schemes, but aren't we merely coming out with more strategies to face him rather than spending that time in knowing Him and building a strong foundation in Him, so strong that even the devil himself is afraid to set a plan for u knowing that it will be a waste of time and effort because you are strong in Him. This is something I will ponder on and hope I'll be able to be strong to carried it out. It wouldn't be easy but I guess it's better to try than to give up that passion. The devil will always be there to cause you to feel uninterested taking away your time, giving your other priorities that are less important and causing laziness to come over you. Well, probably that is why I have remain stagnant for sometime or the progress is rather slow. I hope that this year I'll be able to remain discipline in carrying out and maintaining a relationship with Him knowing and trusting He will be there to lead me to where I have yet to carry out His plan for my life.

"Reunion"

After a quick fellowship session with a few people, we quickly hurried to grandparent's place to help them in the preparation of the "Reunion Feast". It was kinda different this year as we decided to have a high tea rather than a dinner, which we have been so familar with for the pass years. Besides that, today was also my lil cousin Shu Vern's birthday. Boy, was she delighted to see so many people on this day and she kept reminding us all of her big day. Here is the list of mouth watering feast that we had indulge ourselves in;

1. Yee Sang (Raw Fish)
2. Yam and Duck
3. Steamed Promfrette (Bawal Putih)
4. Buah Keluak (Peranakan dish which is one of my favourite disher...Yum Yum!!!)
5. Roast Chicken with stuffings
6. Tau Fu Kang (Fake Shark Fin's that includes taufu, crab meat, prawns, eggs and century ethat is all mixed together)
7. Achar
8. Fried Prawns
9. Assorted Drinks (Manage to get hold of Vanilla Coke, not much different than normal coke but with vanilla smell to it)

Looking at this list, it was obvious that we had too much this time. But hey, whos complaining. Just love it all the time when i visit my grandparents place where homecoke food is an abundance. Was kinda feeling alil uncomfortable with so much food stuff into my stomach although I didn't eat as much as I could. So guess what happens when you have a full stomach and its in the afternoon? Well, you guess it right. It's time to sleep!!! Though, it was a hot day but i manage to get some rest. Before I could even had enough time to digest me food, I was already eating again 4hours later as was preparing to go back home and later back to Cyber. I wonder where i got the extra room for it??? It was good to see everyone back although I didn't get to speak with all of them much especially my cousins but it was good to be together and seeing each other. Will chat with them more on Thurs when grandparents house has Open House...

Reach back Cyber around 11pm. Went online to write my blog and also chatted with expressio alil too...What an interesting it has been and also fulfilling seeing the amount of food i accumulated in my stomach. Got to go jogging the next day to shed some fats to make way for Thurs....

Another Double Entry In One Posting

As time and space wasn't on my side, I had to resolved to posting my 2 days entry now followed by another one later on today.

16 January 2004

"Short but Memorable"

Fridays for me would be generally busy as I would be having classes from 11am to 430pm with CISCO lab in between. Feels like a kinda routine whenever Fridays come by but surprising today was pretty okay, thanks to Mr. Chan for cancelling the lab for CISCO. So, i manage to grab lunch and also make it back to my room just in time to finish up my previous blog. After my class ended at 4.30pm, I couldn't wait till 6pm as I had intended to jog today due to my not being able to the day before because of rain. So, manage to grab Lincoln as my companion and we started burning those fats of ours. Manage to complete 3 rounds but jogging, with walking in between. Met Chin Yang, Kai Fatt and the girl that i usually see in library studying. Never knew her name but she seem interesting.

After the long jog, it was time to replace back that which has been lost. No wonder I never grew thin. Had dinner with Lincoln, my sis and Poh Yee at HB3. Met Steven and Gloria too. After cooling myself in the shower, I decided to start studying, at least i didnt feel so bad or guilty. Expression invited to go to Mid Valley as expressio had to go and collect a monitor from the PC shop but i had to reject such an inviting offer as wanted to at least try to open me notes and read it. Started with DSP and manage to go for about 1 1/2 hrs but then started showing signs of lethargicness and sleepiness. The time was nearing 11pm and was suppose to go Su Chen's crib to settle some exhibition receipts and claims. After an hour at her house, it was time for me to return back to my crib as was already starting to yawn. I had to leave back to Seremban the next day around 9am.

Just as I was about to get into my car, expressio called and wanted to meet up. Initially I had intended to meet up for a cup of drink but expressio was still down at Mid Valley watching a China presentation. So, was pretty happy that expressio called and that we manage to meet up and as usual, just hang out and "borak".

17 January 2004

"Workout"

Left Cyber around 10 mins after 9. Took a bath, had breakfast, rested for a while and off i went for lunch with my 2 sisters, Julia and Jessica and then to my grandparents house to help them out. My grand dad prepared a list of things to do and boy was it a list:

1. Change cusion cover
2. Shift big table from garden shed into the hall.
3. Take mahjong table from upstairs balcony to the garden shed.
4. Clean the garden of the leaves.
5. Make sure the dining area and hall are always kept clean

Changing cusion covers wasn't so tough but cleaning all the dust and cobwebs from beneath it was tiresome. Had to sun the piilows as well just in case there was some dustmites hiding in it. Accompanying us in our task, we had some golden oldies of Frank Sinatra and Engelbert Humperding. It was really refreshing to hear back all those oldies. Reminds me alot of my childhood days we used to grow up listening to Radio 4 Jukebox section. With all the rock and rap and music that produce more noise than music alone, it was really refreshing though continuous listening could put you to sleep in an instant. Besides changing covers, we also help vacuum the place from all the dust. Boy, was it dusty!

Next, brining down the mahjong. My sister got a shock of her life when she saw so many lizards nesting in the holes of the table and boy was it full of shit. Well "SHIT HAPPENS". After cleaning and bringing it to the porch, we had to next clean the big dining table. After removing the plastics sheets, newspaper and "stockings" that was used to protect it from the dust and lizards, we had to clean it up before shifting it inside. But before we did that, we decided to clean the garden. RAKING LEAVES! Boy, was it a tough job. Raking leaves left me in a state of reliasation that I wasn't fit at all. I was totally drain out after that whole process. Thanks to my grand dad tea time break of tin fuits and homemake curry puff, I manage to regain some strength to carry on this task that I had begin to the very end. After all the leaves had been gathered, it was rather trilling to see it all go up in smoke. The whole pileload of dead leaves were now reduced to a small heap of ashes. We then move the table in as our finale for the day and decided to head back home for some rest and a cool shower. I wasn't sure why i was that tired and due to that, showed some frustration to my sis as well which really got me thinking that I wasn't the only one tired. Guess, I need to head back to a more healthy regime maybe after the Chinese New Year break to work on my stamina. Headed back later to my grandparents accompanied by my mom only as my dad was down in Kl attending a company dinner that had Gurmit Singh as one of the presenters there. Had a sumptious dinner of Assam Salmon Fish, fried Kail Lan Stems, Mushroom Chicken and not forgetting my favourite dish of all time, Buah Keluak.

Came back home and decided to rest early tonite. Guess coming back my best satisfaction would be to rest on my comfortable and just dream the nite away...

P/S : Left out something the other day regarding about CF. As we were discussing out topic that related to international, i suddenly came out with an idea of a program that i planned to start next academic year. The programme that i was thinking was something like a student exchange programme where members of the CF would bring back an international student back to their house for the weekends, festivities or holidays. This idea came about when Dr. Ian told about his experience in the States where most foreign students had foster parents to go to during breaks so that they wouldnt feel so left out. Guess,I hope that by starting this programme we could approach the international students which we have so long neglect and share with them what we have; our cultur, tradition and lifestyle and also learn from them at the same time. Just an idea....

"Another Late Entry"

I notice recently that i have been writing my blog pretty late, waiting for the next day to jot in my thoughts although it would have been better if i had done it the day itself. Anyway, it's better to be late than never and I'm trying to get myself into the habit or recording my day hopefully everyday and I can't wait to see all that I have written and learn throughout this year and thank Him for His all sufficient grace, love and mercy.


It was a pretty tight day today considering the fact that I had lab today, my second for this trimester. So I was practically out from 11 to around 4pm. In a way it was good at least i know that i was doing something useful rather than sitting in my room facing my computer screen and surfing aimlessly while spending my time endlessly chatting away. Lunch was a disaster cuz me and Yew Ming and Joash wanted to have out lunch at HB4. Due to the amount of orders, ours didn't turn up for almost half an hour. We decided to cancel our orders and quickly grab a bit at HB3 burger stall as we had an hour break only and were almost 10 mins to class. Lab was pretty boring as we had to go through this simulation thingi on the computer where we had to browse one after another slide and go thru a whole load of text, question and procedure just to carry out an experiments. At the end of that, we had to do a short test in which we got some assistance from our fellow comrades who were much faster than us. Learn a lil but you don't get to learn much through application, just going with the flow. Sometimes i do wonder what is the significants of lab when you don't understand anything much or apply it to real life situation, i wonder.

came back after that and was so eager to have a jog but i had to delay my jogging trip a lil as i needed to meet Kevin and John at HB3 to discuss something. Then, as i headed to Cyberpark for my jog, a dark cloud hovered the are and trickles of water began to be fall. I thought that it be a slight drizzle but unknowingly it started to pour quite heavily. So, my plan didn't work and got indulge myself in nasi lemak near the Cyberia condos just to make my trip out worthwhile.

I was pretty embarrassed as didn't really did much in the night. Supposed to visit the library and start studying but I was too caught up with chatting with expressio and some other people that my night was fully concentrated on chatting alone though i tried to read through some notes but nothing came to mind. It was really fun talking to expressio, so much stuff to talk about goin from serious, funny and even corny. After almost 7 hours, it was really nice chatting but have to get a life and start studying tomorrow or else my holidays will suffer as mid terms will start knocking on my door when im back.

"Leader Who Leads from Behind"

I notice today that I'm a person who is more of a supportive type that being the head. Maybe because I'm more task orientated and likes to get things done rather than speak about it. But, it was hubbling in the sense that I thought that I would generally be the head seeing the many experience as a head in different activities but i guess it's something that God is teaching me to be a more of a follower than to lead, to be a shepard who leads from behind and not the front. I feel that this year He will be teaching me alot of things especially in my spiritual walk with Him, which at times has become less interesting or I feel excited over it. I want to have the JOY OF COMMUNION. I hope I'll find that passion once more....

"COMBO"

Well, havent wrote in here for the last 2 days but although there were some thoughts that i could have waited it to be 3 and get over it, im just afraid that it be way too long for anyone to read especially when the writer himself is one long winded person. so before i start wasting any more precious lines, allow me to spill it out:

13 JANUARY 2004

"Living Without Being Tempted"

I committed this day into God's hand that I'll be able to go through this day without committing to temptation. It's even harder for me today because I was fasting. I practice fasting and praying every Tues due to my commitment in CF as part of the committees. So, when u try to be pure on this day, i realise the temptation is even far greater and i realise sometimes i fail in carrying it out.

It was a rather relaxing day today as I only have 2 classes and a 2 hour class of CISCO in the evening. I was actually spending alot of time in the room and also continuing to read the numerous blogs that i had came across and was also in the room praying. I notice that praying with an empty stomach causes one to be fully concentrated on talking to Him. You can really feel every word that you speak to Him actually mean something. I'm not saying that everytime i pray to Him i don't mean what i say but sometimes what we say we don't really mean it sincere heartedly. As in every word that speak is powerful or speaks volume. That's why i truly enjoy praying with an empty stomach. It really means depending on Him without having to worry about what's for lunch today. Can't really recollect whether there was a thought today cause it was already 2 days already.

The night was kinda interesting as we did something differently in CF tonite. There was NO SPEAKER. But, we had our fellow friends speaking to us about the "Creative Ways of Evangelism". They were Kevin Koay, Leo Koo and Peik Yin. I was rather surprise when peik yin came out to speak. For the very first time, i actually heard her speak that loud. Though, she was kinda jittery for a while, I apploud her for her effort and courage despite being a junior and also someone who maybe quiet in some ways which i currently do not believe at all.

Each of us were divided into 5 groups and i was in group 4 where we had our beloved Dr. Ian as our leader and also a beloved senior whom i respect and treasure, Colin Pal. Our scenario went something like this;

Ezdi is an international student from Iran doing his masters degree in Engineering. He just arrived in Malaysia a few months ago. He is friendly, and very outgoing, and doens't mind mixing around with strangers. He loves meeting new friends and loves going to 'happening' events in campus. He enjoys listening to music and singing too. However, he finds that he is running short on money, and his parents are finisng it difficult to support him. He is thinking of looking for a part time job. Ezdi was brought up in a Muslim family, but is not very sure when it comes to religion. he just follows what he had been taught since young.

One interestin thought that struck me was what Colin mention about. He said that we shouldnt just chuck the gospel in his face and expect him to be save. We should address his problems first before we start telling him about Christ. Just like what happen during the time of Jesus when there was 5000 people who wanted to hear him but they were all hungry. He addressed the problem by supplying food to the ppl by multiplying the 5 loaves and 2 fishes. Then, did he start preaching to them. I guess it suported something i believe in. I'm not use to speaking directly about the gospel. I would normally take situation for instance a friend asking about a scenario and try to tell him in a bibilical kinda way. I feel it works more cuz the person understands rather than just follow blindly.

14 January 2004

"Wasted"

It wa seriously a long day and although i was practically free most of the time i didnt do anything concrite for that matter like study for my exams that be comin after the Chinese New Year break. Classes were onli in the morning but i manage to do something which i havent been doin for such a long time...GYM! afternoons were filled with checking some blogs BOSS send me, blogs by those in CF's. It was cool to see that they are many of us who choose this medium to express ourselves daily, our pains and laughters. I really enjoyred reading Wee Liem's one and notice that Michelle D was a very poetic kinda person. Besides that, was chattiing with Boss and were sharing with one another. Manage to encourage him but will be praying for him so that he may can go though this all. Also realise that Boss has really change to a person i saw as quiet to a super gila guy. It's nice to have him around cuz when we combine, it be a lunatic asylum.

One of the highlight for tonite was the "Fellowship of the BRAINSTEWERS". we manage to gather a few of us and made our way to Milo Kau for a time of get together. It was really great to see everyone and what's more to see the bond still there. I guess we all have the same wavelength that why we are able to get to know each other well. I truly cherish this group of people and will continue to remember them always. The best group I ever met

Besides it all, i manage to finish listening to Joshua Harris's semons on relationships. Already finish the second sermon and guess his sermons were relaly inspiring, really serious yet i feel that the relationship he spoke about taught me about purity and righteousness. Planing to burn it to CD and give one each to my buddies, Eunice and John and also Expressio. Give more inspiration to rely on Him that He will provide and He will definitely know the best for me. An interesting thought;

"Marridge is temporary. What is more imporant is to know our selves and our role on the kingdon of God. It is a gift to be married."

I'm hoping to receive this gift and hope that i wouldn't take it lightly because it is a gift from Him...

Classes started way early in the morning. Manage to obtain the much needed rest but then again was again late for class, as usual. Can't seem to get over this bad habit which have been with me for so long. I hope that i will be able to break this bad habit by this year and try to be at least early for something this year and try to stick with it. Sometimes i rather frustrating especially when u are rushing for something. So i do hope that i be able to accomplish this goal by the end of this year.

My Day

Well, today was a pretty a relaxing day for me as I only attended 2 lectures, not that i was skipping classes for that matter. There was no tutorials for Advance Comp Architecture and my tutorial class for Digital Signal Processing was cancelled due to our efficient tutor Miss Mimi, who managed to finish the question last week. So practically I was in my room enjoying myself and doing the things that i love doing eg. hanging around aimlessly, sleeping and surfing, although my stomach was giving some discomfort due to my early morning visit to the toilet that was pretty "watery". Though, I did make some improvement which was checking out some blogs that were linked to Purdey's blog and also manage to look through alil of my notes for DSP.

One of the interesting blogs that ive come across was that of Joshua Harris's blog, the author who wrote "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl". What's more surprising is that i just found out that he has just released another book entitled "Not Even A Hint" which deals with sexual temptation that is faced not only by men, but by women as well. Reading through the posting did make me feel like purchasing the book as it deals with something i struggle with at times. So i can't wait to get hold of it.

After reading thru the blogs and at the same time, reaidng through my notes. i notice the time had reached 6pm and I had decided earlier that i had wanted to go for a jog. At that time, I was in the middle of a chat with expressio and manage to rope expressio into getting the fats burned thought expressio was kinda shy at first. I managed to jog about one and a half round, which by far didn't make any improvement at all from my last visit there on Thurs. Maybe because I was jogging with expressio and also was kinda lethargic after the few laps. Kinda feel ashamed of myself cuz i wasn't able to match my ex roomie, Deric's record of 5 rounds (his max was 6 rounds). Maybe because he was alot fitter than me (notice he grew thin and u could see those abs) and i had an extra load hanging around me. But it was cool though i had to rtush back cuz i had CG later at 8pm. Manage to view some of the pics that expressio had developed and man, do i have a bad hairdo. I can see the prophesy of me being an Ah Pek has finally come through...

Heading back and having a quick shower, I quickly rush to Prof Chacko's place cuz i was already late but only to see Terry and Jin Hui at that place. Well, it started with the usual praise and worship, whcih i lead and an ice-breaker prepared by Ting Ting called " Lining Up". Pretty cool ice breakers if u are imaginative enought to create a situation. I was pretty upset because we didn't manage to have the BGR discussion that we have all patiently waited. Peng Yew was supposed to handle that discussion but due to heavy workload he couldn't make it and Desmond didn't have the time to prepare for it, re resorted to fellowship and ice-cream in conjunction with Bee Chee's belated birthday. It was really a long time since i had ice-cream and with longan and mix fruit to top it up, MARVELOUS! By the time CG ended and it was time to go home, it was already 11pm. After sending Jin Hui, Carol and Ting Ting home, me and terry quicky grab our dinner of maggi goreng at the HB3 vegetarian stall and headed back to the room for rest and relaxation while enjoying some chats and also blogging.

Lessons Learned

I realised that the flesh is really weak especially to lust and it normally hit u when u are alone, away form the public. I told myself countless times to be strong and to keep focus to Him when the notion of lust come about but today i failed again. I was so guilty of myself and dare not speak to Him. I could see Him turning His face away from me. But, i had to muster courage to ask for forgiveness once more and to ask that He guide me and show me a way to deliverance. I really felt that He truly love me and dispite my constant failures in overcoming this problem, He has always been faithful to guide me. And surprisingly it came at an instant when i was reading Joshua Harris's blog. He was showing me that I am not the only one who is suffering from it but there are countless people, both male and female facing this temptation. And it really spoke to me that in whatever situation, God has always a way out for those who come to Him and ask for His guidance. Maybe, that was one of the reason why i felt like getting the book because it related to me.

Another thing that spoke to me was living a righteous life. I had decided earlier this year that i would concentrate in trying to train myself to be righteous in every way that i do. I spoke about it during the interview for the CF Comms and felt that by reading Josh Harris's blog comfirm my goal and it encourage me to strive on. I guess what i want to learn this year is to learn to live a righteous and pure life just what Jesus has done and be more like Him. It's difficult with all the temptation that surrounds us and calls to us everyday. It depends how strong are we in Him. And it gave me an inspiration to build my spiritual walk in him and really be strong enough to say "NO" when temptation is right at the door steps.

Summing Up

I really do hope that as tomorrow comes and when temptation comes that ill be able to stand tall and not fall into sin. Since, tomorrow is tuesday and it would be a CF day, prayer day and also a day of fast for me. I hope that i may stay pure cuz i realise that i would normally fall on a tuesday because that's when the devil is really working to keep me from being focus to Him.

It was a restless nite. My eyes werent shut most of the time when it should be. Though my body was exhauted after a heafty dinner at the Khoo's residence in commemoration of Serena's departure to Nepal for training and also music practice thereafter in church, i just couldnt sleep well though i had 3 separate dreams of expressio. i wonder why?

was tired but fully awake when i was in church. prayed to Him asking for strength and also committing the whole service into His hand. and i guess prayer does works as i was fully energised throughout the whole time that i was on the drums and i was able to concentrate on playing and at the same allowing to work thru me. the sound in the cubicle wasnt that good as all i heard was practically noise but i wasnt worried about it as long as the congregration was able to hear and that i was playing on beat. didn't manage to hit the beat properly for "One Desire" but manage to cover it, hoping that many didn't realise my blunder. besides that, i broke one of my sticks due to hitting the edge cymbals. well, guess its time to change a new pair of sticks.

pastor benjamin delivered the message from Gen 30, about Jacob dream of the staircase to God while he was resting while on his way to Haran. the preaching sounded familiar as i guess pastor did preached about it before. (thanks to the story of General McArthur and the seagulls) However, there were a few points that caught my attention which was the matter of service. The older generation should be there to mentor and to guide the younger generation who have much more energy. This was clearly stated not in the sermon, but as the church dedicated the children church ministry and at the same time pastor sally rallied the congregration, espeically the man to join this ministry and be the father figure to these children.

had quick lunch down at the hawker centre near my place as my parents and sister were rushing to go down to KL for the education fair. came back, took a bath and roled up under the sheets to indulge myself with the sleep i much awaited. woke up around 245pm, thanks to my dear sister and packed up a few clothes as i prepared to head back to cyberjaya. it was rather a smooth ride thought travelling in the evening can be rather straineous due to the direction of the sun. came back and unpack my stuff as i cleared the room alil and rested for a while as well. then i was down opening my lil computer and began checking my mails as it laid there untouched during the weekend. at the same time got some ppl who message me and there i was busily chatting away.

was talking to kevin about cf related issues and was rather surprised to hear that there were many gossips going around about the comms and one of them related to me. was quite distraugh to hear about it as i was trying to questioned what was my fault that had cause this rumour to spread. manage to keep my cool and told myself that i would resolve this feud between me and him after i review the whole situation once more.

was out dinner with kevin at Mcd in Sri Serdang. was astonished to see a Mcd and also a KFC in the middle of nowhere. so we got ourselves our meals and sat down and he began pouring out his views of what cf was and is. we didnt touch on the specifics but in general. so i didnt get to know who was involved or wat was really goin on.

came back around 11 and quicky message expressio. was kinda missing expressio alil especially due to the weekends and also the week where we hardly saw each other or less sms one another. so it was kinda good chat though it was short as she had to meet her buddy :(.

well i guess its pretty long one for a first blog...