CF Comm Retreat (20-22 February 2004)

Day 1

The day that i had been waiting finally arrived. After going through a last minute check on the mails regarding about the committee, i was left with only 15 minutes to pack. With such haste, i quickly threw everything that i could think of to bring along hoping that i didn't leave any important thing out from the list. As the time of my watch began to tick closer to 7pm, i rushed with my packs and got into my car hurriedly hoping to be there on time. As usual, the Malaysians seems to grow in each one of us that i only saw Kevin and Desmond there early. The rest was nowhere in sight. Taking this oppurtunity, i quickly ordered myself a plate of nasi goreng sotong, which apparently was what Lincoln ordered as well. (actually i couldnt think of what to order but at the spur of the moment added another plate to what he ordered.) As people started to gather, dinner was the next itenary before we decided to leave for Country Heights Kajang.

We reached the place almost around 8.30pm. It was a surprising thing when i reached there as it was a different unit altogether. the last time we were there, we had a priviledge to be at the grd floor where the other end open to an open area with the pond situated in front. this time, it was the upper floor. although, it was the same kind of design, it felt different. everything seems new and clean. maybe the cleaners were there earlier. as we unpack our stuff into the house, we began to settle down to where we would be sleeping for the nites. the girls were given the priviledge of having 2 rooms while the guys occupied the hall and a room.

The night with us getting to know each. Somewhat called an ice-breakers. We didnt play any games, games that normally we associate with ice breaking. this time, it was a personally test. i had never really done a personally test before. but it was a really interesting. after having done it, annette asked us to share about what it felt like doing the test. my answer was, "A thought provoking experience that reaffirms my strengths, revelled my weaknesses."

There were all together 4 distinctive profiles of a person; Dominant, Influencial, Steadiness and Compliance. All of this stand for DISC. Here are some of the details i found out about myself;

Personality : High I
Possible strengths : conservative, optimistic, participative, persuasive, gregarious, inspiring, alert, flexible and firm (summing up: tactful, personable and confident)
Possible weaknesses : hesitant, poor listener, overly confident, gus, overly optimistic, superficial, restless, impatient, opinionated (summing up : too agreeable, verbally pushy and too optimistic)
Personal giftedness : quick of tougue, special ability to affirm and encourage others.
Group giftedness : relieving tension, articulationg information
Potential spiritual gifts : helps, hospitality, mercy
Internal fears : public or social rejection
Strength out of control : speaking without thinking
Under stress becomes : careless and disorganised
Blind spots : Connecting commitment to action when encoutering social pressure
Need to work on : Remaining objective when encountering social pressure
Best team members : Pure C, C/S, C/S/D, S/C
Biblical characters : Aaron, King Saul

Like they say, test aren't 100% correct but i do agree that 80% is. There are certain areas that im sure of but at this present moment there are still things that im discovering about myself. My strengths and my weaknesses. Empowering my strength, Overcoming my weaknesses. Am i able to? Only God knows.










Day 2

Strolling Down Whiteness

It was 7.45am that i awoke from my humble resting place. I was surpised to find myself the only person to have slept in the room where there were actually 2 beds to spare. Most of them decided to cuddle together in the living room where the blasting air con would give them a cool atmosphere. on the hand, i chose the room instread as i slept pretty earlier than the rest and didnt mind not having air con either. it was a nice rest but unfortunately i woke up late for my morning walk at 7am. However, looking at the time and seeing the sun still shielded from the passing clouds, i decided to go for a walk netherless. desmond was also out that morning but instead he went for a jog.

it was a pleasant walk down the narrow streets of villas that seem to occupy the area. it seems like a colony of people living in their little white homes in a beautiful surroundings filled with trees and lakes. walking around this place as i observe each and everyone of the homes reminds me of my dream house perched high up on the hills overlooking a wide ocean. i had always taken a liking for height and an open space. this can be due to my preference of space around me. never like the fact of being cluttered in small confine area. as i walk further out from this colony, i began to make my way to the nearest alleys where i could catch of a glimpse of a few beautiful houses that remained unseen by the outside world except those who live here. it was a beautiful sight of houses with big driveway with a porch filled with luxurious and expensive cars that seem to be only for display, private swimming pool in your own compound where you can frolic in the water when the day is at its hottest. a big living area with a big dining room with a table filled with your favourite food, a living room so spacious with comfortable satties and a little fireplace where you can get warmth from the blistering cold, multiple bedrooms deck with the nicest apolstries and linen, a cozy bathroom with a jacuzzin sitted in the middle soaking yourself in bubbles. what a dream this is, what a reality this is far from. besides witnessing the beautiful splendour, it was also a time of by myself with Him, speaking to Him where i feel comfortable at less routine. it has always been an awesome experience just to walk with Him and listening to Him that may only be a still small voice.

i return back to base after an hour of walk, got myself freshened up before i indulge myself with the array of food that has been laid out on the table waiting to savage by the stomach growling people that stands waiting for the right time to pounce on it. it was simply a sumptious meal of bacon, sausages, eggs, pancakes, bread and butter. what an interesting input to start the day with.

Reflection

the morning was started off with a time of reflecting conducted by Kevin. It was a time where we would jot down the things that had happened to us throughout the year and what had God showed us personally. i personally couldnt recount most of the things that took place. this is due to my limited amount of space in my head to retain all that i had encountered, only remembering some very obvious ones. kevin gave the previous comms our previous interview letter and also a paper where we jotted down what we would like to do in the year. each of us were given an open map with little tress in between the start and the finish. each of us were given some time to reflect and to write it down in our own creative way. i for one loves pictures and images, so i drew a straight road with smaller roads goin up different mountains in that year. however, after we wrote down whatever we wanted to write, there will be a time for us all in the end of the day to share whatever we had written down.

as the clock tick towards mid-day, we decided to leave all our pens and papers or whatever games that we were excitedly getting ur hands on and made our way to Mines for lunch. Though we had time till 4pm, but it seems that time passed by so quickly that all we got to do was to eat, though walking around would be another option for us. it was an interesting sight today as we manage to catch an opera performance that was presented on the water ferry with the girl and guy coming into the canal at both ends, accompanied by a chinese orchestra. couldnt help but to take a few snapshots for rememberance.

Lighting Up the Light

we made our way back soon after and guess what, we had another activity prepared by Nigel. Games had always been a good time during retreat as it was not only a time to have fun but a time to learn as well. Experiencing FES style of playing games, there was always a meaning to each one played. We began with newspaperes, scissors, cellotape and staplers and began to dress up our president and one vice-pres. fortunately, i decided to give the honour to beatrice instead. with a few minutes, we had to dress them up with the full armour of God.

Helmet of Salvation, Breastplate of Righteouness, Shield of Faith, Sword of the Spirit, Belt of Truth and Sandal of Peace.

With them dress up with the armour of God, the rest of us were told to go and hide around the area, an area that can be seen from out apartment. Finding a neat place to hide wasnt that easy, as we had to go to great pains to be invincible, some to the point of camouflaging with a baby bath pail and some running around to remain unseen. I for one was the third person to be caught, thanks to my long legs that revealed my shoes and was subsequently notice by my sister. apparently, most of thought that Kevin and Lincoln would be the only one catching us and making sure that we werent found my Leona and Beatrice, we were surprised to find they even had accomplices, all of them from the outgoing comms. the penalty that i received was a bought leg. it was pretty hard to get around with ur legs tied, so the other way was to hop around and boy, was it tiring. the games didnt turn out the way we expected it to be as some of us ventured to far into places where we shouldnt have gone only to be reprimanded by some people who stay around the area as the compound was supposedly off limit to this kind of activity. guess that what it feels like to have ur space encroached by other people. Having found everyone, we were supposed to light each of our candle and make sure it kept litted till the finishing line. However, due to the windy condition it was difficult to maintain a constant flame. So, smartly we decided to let our flames die out and only lit it once we were near the finish line. At the end of the game, each of us had to get out mouth into a bowl of flour to retrieve a sweet in it. it took quite a lot of blowing to help reveal the flour but it didnt stop us from getting flour in our mouths and some in their hair.

After the pretty challenging game which to me, was pretty tiring, we gathered back at the apartment to review what the game was. here is some of the elements of the game that represented something

Ballons : About 30 of this were placed on the roads for us to collect. This represented things that are precious to us that we hold on so dearly and would never let go. eg our accomplishments, success

I wasnt really bothered about collecting the ballons. Actually, i kinda forgotten about it all together. Desmond on the other hand was one who collected a few on the way. He had already 3 ballons when i first met him. Due to my capture, i was able to carry my candle as it needed to be protected so as the flame wouldnt die out. Therefore, i decided to entrust Des with my candle while i took over the care of one of his balloon. i was reluctant to let go of the balloon although there were numerous attempt by Nigel and Lincoln to dispose of it. I remain true to carrying it saying to them each time

"Temptation comes in dfferent forms. I'm not giving up my balloon."

Guess, i thought it represented a dream or vision and Nigel and Lincoln were people that come along our way to temp us so as to discountinue the dream that God had given to us. Guess, i got the concept of balloon in total reverse.

Candle : The candles represent the fire that we have.

The key for us to sustain a flame inspite of the windy condition around is to light the flame together, having our candles near to each other so as to make sure the flame stay burning. it was to symbolise to passing on of the fire from one comm to another and to make sure that all of us are working together to make sure the fire stay burning. this we failed to achieve as we thought that by letting the fire die and then lighting it back again we would be able to have the fire burning. true, this can be done but the difference is we had lost our first flame and lighted another when we shouldnt have. it easier to light a flame now but in real life, its hard to light another flame when one is lost.

This were the 2 main element in the game and it thought me that it is important to work as a team. its easier to alone and do things as it is far more easier that having someone to work with. But the idea of it isnt a an individual goal, but a collective goal that each of us had to be responsible with and even if it takes a longer time to accomplish, the main thing is to stick together through the rough and tough to accomplish not my goal, but God's goal for us. At this point of time, i realise something very strongly in my heard. it was my fear. my fear of man and not of God. i had always been so concern about how people viewed me, how my actions might be observe and how the struggle i face to be Christ-like. i realised that we should not view our actions on how others see us but to how God see us. i guess it would be a struggle then but a joy instead.

Jum Satay!!!

it was simply an exciting trip for all us. a trip that we had been waiting since the day we started our retreat. we were pretty excited to have Dr. Ian and his wife, Julianne to join us for the big feast. And boy was it a big one as the 20 plus of us ordered around 450 sticks of satay. It would also be a time for us to break our previous records in sataying. However, i failed to meet up to the expectation only to have Wee Liem and Lincoln tied for first place with 21 sticks each. I couldnt imagine how fast they really gobbled up they satays, as once the plate was left on the table, a turn of the head and back would see the plate totally wipe clean. for me, i only manage about 17 or 18 sticks (kinda lost count) but it was an improvement from the previous attempt. Guess the young guns are catching up and it will soon be time for me to retire from all of this.

The Opening of the Hearts

After a fullfilling dinner that made many of our waist an inch bigger, we settled down as now it was time for of sharing. Sharing about our personal reflection we did earlier. It started of pretty well where we took turns starting from kevin and passing it on to the next person called. After a few rounds, things started to get very personal and also emotional. tears began to drop as many of us began to pour out hearts, the frustration we encounter, our feelings, our thoughts. i was nearly to tears but kind of kept it back as i knew if tears were to drop, it wouldnt be tears from my heart but tears caused by someone else. listening to the numerous testimonies, i decided to forgo my reflection earlier as i felt that it was not what i wanted to share personally and found pretty redundant. i began to share about my life as a cf comm and how my life was change and how i am who i am now because of my involvement in the CF. i personally felt that i have grown more matured in my thinking. However, as for my personal quiet time, there was some improvement but not an improvement that i hope to obtained after writing down my expectation of the year the previous time. in someway i manage to find a suitable way to speak to Him that is when i am jogging or walking to class. reading God's word seem to be a diffulty i face because i have yet to find the passion to read. this is one area that i still have to personally pray on so that i can find a suitable style that fits me and that i feel comfortable. i never wanted my quiet time to be monotous or should i say routine. i believe that it should be natural. so how to i start feeling natural with His word? so start a routine, i guess...

Besides that, i also shared that at times we are so concern about making sure that all our activities that we have planned to far goes according to plan and it feels that each of us are just like working partners. we seem to have lost the main idea of serving in the CF comm is because we are friends. Friends that would be there to encourage one another when the going get tough. I realised that many of us were beginning to fall away due to a number of reasons such as stress, worn out, questions, thoughts, unbelieved and business. we cant seem to put a foothold in the the grounds of faith that at times many of us seem to fall under pressure. living as a christian is not an independant lifetstyle. it is a coorperative lifestyle that require each and everyone of us to be accountable with one another. if one of us fall, the rest will eventually. so it is very vital that each of us support one another when the signs of falling seems obvious. be cautious of faith as a slight mistake or disregard may cause us to stumble and fall deep down the pit.

this session was simply enrinching for many of us as we found out that many of us were on the same boat. we seem to believe at times we are all alone facing this problems where there actually many people like us, some even more worse than us. so it is always important to look our for one another and pray that He will continue to strengthen us when we faced difficulties that might stumble us.

Day 3

This would be last anf final day of a wonderful retreat. Many of us are reluctant to return back to reality as i guess reality seems to be put on hold for a while during this whole retreat. Morning walk seems out of the question this morning as i got up pretty late, almost to breakfast. i quickly rushed into the bathroom and got myself a quick shower before heading to the table where my day will finally start. Many of us had already started eating and food was beginning to run dry. i quickly got myself a plate and tried as desperately as possible to get my hands at most of the stuff laid there. this morning menu consisted of a variety of sandwich spread. i guess there were tuna, some cheesy thingi, cornbeef and some egg stuff. it was simply cheesy as i quickly tried all the spreads. AWESOME!!!

Our last session ended with a simple reflection on the retreat and also a prayer for the outgoing and incoming committee. it was really short as we were kind of running out of time as check-out was at 12pm. it was hard to leave the place as we wanted more of it. going back to reality was simply to hard for all of us. back to assignments, test and work. simply no life. well i guess we didnt want to go back that early and decided to head down to MINES again, for our lunch. this time most of us opted for a light meal, thanks to the heavy breakfast we had in the morning.

Well, i can one thing that it had been a really inspiring retreat for all of us. i hope that from this retreat we are able to create a bond among the new committees and also continue our friendship with leaving. Simply the best weekend i ever had! Looking forward for more time like this...

It has been almost a week again that i last made my entry here again. I guess its pretty hard at times to make an entry every single day considering things at hand that causes me to delay my entries. one thing led to another and here am i writing my one week blog, again! so please bear with me...it could take very long!!!

19 February 2004 : Bible Study on the Book of Jonah

i came to this week bible study prepared, having read chapter 3 and 4 before coming. last week, we manage to cover chapter 1 and 2, which was pretty interesting showing of how Jonah was called by God to go to the city of Nineveh to warn the people there that God would destroy them in 40 days if they do not repent from their sins. The people of Nineveh were so evil that every place they went to conquer, they would not spare the people. they would bring back the heads of the people they had slaughtered and lined them up at the entrance of the gate into the city. it was a horrible sight. jonah didnt want to go to Nineveh and decided to go against God's will and went as far away as he could to escape the task that has been given to him. However, God has other plans for him and decided to cause a big fish to swallow him after he was thrown off the boat that he was sailing that brought him to Nineveh.

Chapter 3 and 4 was a continuation to that journey. he entered to the city of nineveh and began to let the people know that God had seen their terrible act and was about to smike them off the face of the earth if they did not take heed and repend from their ways. immediately, everyone including the kings responded by wearing sackcloth and fasting without taking any food or drink so that they can be spared from the wrath of God. Looking at their response, God decided to spare them. Jonah was furious. He wanted to see the end of Nineveh and waited on top of a cliff for God's destruction to happen but it never did. God in turn decided to let a plant grow to give him shed and on the same day let it died. He was making a clear comparison between Him and Jonah with Jonah and Ninevittes. It was to show that God is the one who decides who to save and not man.

As we were recounting the story of Jonah, it was rather humourous that we did it my acting out the scene that has been told. my groups, being the first group were kind of blur as to what happened. but as the second group came, they manage to see what really did happened during the scene. im not comparing to see who is better in terms of acting but their depiction was quite clear regarding the story of Jonah. Coupled with jokes and laughter, it seriously made things alot more fun when it comes to bible study.

throughout the whole session, i was pretty serious about the whole bible study, mainly pondering, thinking and putting my shoes into the character so that i could obtain the real gist of the book of Jonah. i could observe that many of us were pretty had a ball of a time, laughing and cracking jokes all the way that sometimes leads us away from the real truth of the story. i wanted to be focus on it thats why i decided to remain quiet and just ponder. it was quite surprising that annette too took notice of my quietness, considering the fact that quietness has never been a norm for me among people. i was always considered the loud one or the crazy one so being quiet did make a difference.

as i pondered upon the book of Jonah and also the different response of the people there towards this story, i began to see Jonah as not only a book about man who strayed away from God and got swallowed up by a big fish. i saw Jonah as a book about CHOICES. CHOICES that God, Jonah and the people had.

1. God HAD A CHOICE to either destroy the people of Nineveh of their sins OR pour out His grace and give them a chance to repent of their sins
2. Jonah HAD A CHOICE to follow Gods command and go to city of Nineveh easily OR rebel against God and go through a whole load of things before he finally got to Nineveh
3. The people of Nineveh HAD A CHOICE to deny God and be destroy by God OR repent and be spared of the wrath of God.

it was all about decisions. decisions that would either bring ur further or nearer to God. who decides? u and me

18 February 2004

I woke up early this morning only to feel so stupid that I realised class was cancelled when I reached there to an empty class. I totally forgot about it. However, it was worth the journey there. I manage to meet my best friend and also get myself a pack of nasi lemak and teh tarik for breakfast. The only class I had was a replacement at 11 am for Digital Computer Design. The class was barely half full. Maybe a lot of them forgot that there was a replacement.

Went over to HB3 with Terry was lunch. The both of us usually have lunch together. However, our dual company outnumbered as some of the CF people began to arrive for MMCG (Makan Minum CG). It has always been a trend in CF to have gathering such as this be it for breakfast, lunch, dinner or supper. Today, the number was less that expected. Some of them had CG lunch cum meeting. Others might be occupied with work that they couldn't make it.

I spend my afternoon updating the remaining days of my blog. Finally, everything is in order. I hope to keep this up daily so that I wouldn't have to rush through what I wanted to pen down. It was also pretty amazing that I manage to find a way to show pictures on my blog. After seeing Terry blog, I decided to do some linking to my blog in order to allow pictures to be seen on it. Besides blogging, I also tried my hands on my Matlab Lab Report. I have ACA to do, which is due next week. With retreat coming around the corner, I had better try to finish as much work as possible so that I wont have to come back and get myself into a last minute scenario. As evening drew near, I decided to take a jog. However, this time I decided to jog in campus as heavy clouds and the sound of thunder began to loom over the sky. My jog was soon halted by trickles of water. Although it was a short one, it was still worth the effort.

Batik Workshop

It was a pretty interesting night for me as I attended a Batik Workshop organised by CCIP. Although the workshop was supposedly full, less than half of the number turn up. I guess the reason could be due to the rain or many of them decided to attend the Wings of Borneo, a cultural show on Sabah and Sarawak. After a brief introduction to the things needed to do batik painting, it was time for the master, Mr Arwan to show us the deftness of this art. Armed with a canting, he steadily drew a flora motive unto a piece of silk. It was really a fine piece of drawing. Imagine drawing without having to trace by pencil first but using the wax immediately. The colours were soon added to it and it gave life to the painting that was drawn. He made it so easy but now it came the time for us to practice what we learned and saw from the master.

It was simply not as easy as we saw. Each of us were suppose to draw a motive. Looking at the example before us, I came to understand that most batik painting revolves around flora and fauna. As I decided not to do something familiar, I started tracing a comic character instead. It was that easy to follow the lines that we had drawn earlier with the canting, My lines were thick and incomplete compared to Mr Arwan's which was smooth and thin. Colouring was a bigger obstacle for me as I was finding it hard to mix the colours around and to give a tone to it. However, to my surprise the end result wasn't that bad. When it finally dried, I began to see the beauty of my masterpiece. I notice most of the other people's motive was so much better off than mine, but I decided to stick to mine and be happy about it because my motive wasn't alike the others. It was really fun to just colour without thinking and just enjoying the whole session all together. The expression on the faces of the participants was mix, some were serious, and others were enjoying themselves. It was a waste to see not many people participating in activities such as this as they were offered without any payment. In addition to that, I manage to learn the art of batik and also enjoy myself.

Me and "Me"
Work of A Master
Master and the Apprentice
Who's your DADDY? I'm a SUPER FLY!!!

17 February 2004

I was surprised to see the time on the clock as I awoke. I was late again and missed prayer and also my tutorial class at 8 am. I was trying to figure out why I didn’t hear the alarm or did I woke up and close it without realising it. It happens sometimes, especially when you are tired. Although I was late, I decided to wake up and make my way to the lab to start on my DSP lab report. I could have done it the comfort of my room but due to the incompatibility of the software that didn’t have the function that allowed me to do, I had no choice but to go to the lab start on it.

It was such a long and free day that I spend most of my time in the room not knowing what to do. I attended a replacement for the class I missed this morning and came back to my room to fiddle at some things and by the time you know it, it was 6 pm. Time to go for CISCO class. I had missed the previous 2 classes due to exams. So, I was kind of lost when I was there, staring at the screen and not knowing what was going on.

After my class, stopped by momentarily at the CF committee prayer before rushing to the triangle building (STAD) to pick up some friends from Inti College Nilai CF who had planned to come and visit. All together there were 8 of them in 2 cars, one was a BMW. Surprised surprised. They were Szet Winne, Shanti, Kim Fei, Gerald, Johnny, Daniel, Yoke May and another guy I can’t really recollect his name but he reminded me of Jason Chui. We had a candle light setting CF today as we discuss of the topic of follow-up. I wasn’t really able to catch the importance of follow-up during the session as the message didn’t come across well. For me, a serious topic like this required more depth which I found missing. Maybe the atmosphere around us wasn’t conducive enough due to the Fashion Show in conjunction with CCIP (Cross Cultural Integration Programme) was taking place outside the room, kind of allowed people’s concentration to swayed away. We were tend broken into three groups where each of us had to present a short presentation based on the situation. Due to the big amount of people and clarity of the description given, the presentation wasn’t put forward properly enough to pass a message. However, the ending was quite touching as we listen to the song on Candles, about how we should be candles burning for Him, a light to the darkness. I really like the song and the words that accompanied it. The candle set a tone to the whole atmosphere as we started to ponder and relate ourselves as the burning candle.

At the end of everything, my sister and I decided to bring the Inti-an on a small tour of our campus. They were really amazed at what we have especially the lab with the Playstation 2 console and also of how everything still looks so new even after 8 years. My sis and I discuss that we should include bringing people around especially visitors or newcomers around into the SRM portfolio. It was hard for both of us to continue to this although I do enjoy mixing with people especially the Malaccan during Cyber Christmas and now, the Inti-ans. But, we wanted to trained more people up in this area. Aren’t we Malaysian known for their hospitality? I guess we still need to impart to people about taking initiative and realising the importance of being hospitable. We bid farewell to them later and quickly grab our long awaited dinner at HB3 before heading back to my our respective places of stay after a long night.

16 February 2004

It was an early day to start out with. Class had began at eight in the morning but I had to leave earlier as I made my way to KLIA to send Huei Wern. It was pretty ironic as we made our way to the departure hall. We met her parents on the way. She had just left into the inner part of the airport about 10 minutes. I was really a waste but we quickly got hold of her on her mobile and thank God, it was still with her. Me and my sister wish her a safe journey and said our apologies for being late in our farewells. As we were there already, we decided to head to the departure to meet up with those who had send her off. After a brief conversation, we made our way back to Cyberjaya as my sister had a presentation later that day.

I felt kind of relax this week as I didn’t have much to do. That was when I decided to start updating my blog after delaying it for such a long time. I decided to sum up my entire last week in an entry, highlighted the necessary things which was quite long in the end.

Me, my sis, Shen, Su Chen and Poh Yee got into my car as we left to the Putrajaya Hospital to visit Su Lin at around 7pm. Although, I had initially planned to go for a jog as it had just rained and it was really a good time for it but I decided to abort that idea, looking at what was more important. At the hospital, we met Boss, Joshua, Niger, Lilian and Michelle as well. It was good to see Su Lin in her green hospital outfit. She had calamine lotion all over her hand which were meant for her rashes which was why she was admitted in the first place on Sunday. Her admittance was considered a miracle as she found out after a check up that her platelet and red blood cell were below the normal level. A slight wound would cause a continuous bleeding as the blood would not clot. However in spite on her situation and the uncertainty that arose from her condition, she was still able to cheerful and happy plus she did most of the talking throughout our visit. After an hour there, we said a prayer for her before we left.

Monday has always been CG night. I arrived half and hour late as I decided to have my dinner before going as I was really hungry at that time. I didn’t really did enjoy CG that much tonight although I truly enjoyed myself with the ice breaker prepared by Mei Sin. It involves numbers and a lot of arithmetic for it. Challenging that I almost felt my brains were fried. The topic of tonight’s bible study touched on self-esteem. It was rather short as my CG leader decided to cut in short due to lack of time. I wasn’t to happy with it not because of the cutting short, but mainly the idea of not allowing the person to be in charge to be in charge. He was continuously barging in and remain in control of everything without giving the new ones a chance to have a free hand. I decided to remain quiet about the matter but shared with my best friend about it. The notion of pride was still there. Guess it does take time to change. A long process indeed.

9th – 15th February 2004

It has been a very gruelling week for me. So much things to do that I didn’t had enough time to sit and pen my daily blog. Coupled with unfinished blogs in the pass weeks, this has add up to more daily recording of my life that I somehow kind of forgotten. I decided to just pen down important things for the week and hope that as I write I would be able to recollect all the activities that I participated, thoughts that I have been pondering and ideas that have brought about due to certain events in my life.

Exams

I could have foreseen what an interesting week it would be for me. Three exams in a span of four days. I was trying to cover as much as I could, taking time to finish studying the last subject of the week earlier and covering the earliest paper at the very dying minutes. It has become a trend for many especially when you have so much to study in a short span of time. So, its easier to cover the first subject at the end just to avoid redundancy and also forgetfulness especially after a week absence from a subject. I started my exams with Advance Computer Architecture followed by Digital Signal Processing and ending with Digital Computer Design. Both Advance Computer Architecture and Digital Computer Design was pretty tough. It was so tough to the point my lecturer for Advance Computer Architecture had to provide us with hints to start the first question. However, to no avail, many of us was still struggling to come up with the solution. Digital Computer Design challenge our design concepts by testing us on multiple of diagrams that only the mind could remember a portion of what was in the subject content. With such difficulties, I tried to answer all the questions and not leave any blanks so as to receive some points because of my attempt. Digital Signal Processing was quite reasonable although it was a lot more difficult compared to the previous year. Anyway, I just hope that whatever that I have done I would be able to garner a good amount of points for my effort although I doubt that I would be able to pass all of it.

Brother and Sister Appreciation Day (10th February 2004)

It was going to be a special day for both the brothers and sisters as we prepared ourselves to appreciate one another. Due to this special occasion, we decided to have our event at the Multipurpose Hall at Cyberia. There weren’t many people who came but it was sufficient to make a crowd. Many juniors especially those in FOE had exams the following day. However in spite of their absence, we manage to have an enjoyable night. This years BSAD was much more organised compared to the year before. As usual, mid terms always came in the way. Fortunately, this year it was all that bad.

The guys did three presentation for the girls. It began with a love scene between two couples played by Benny and Chris. They were simply hilarious and due to Chris funny attics, it was even more funny as he played quite a very interesting girl getting wooed. Next came, the members of a remake of the ever famous Outcasts video, “Hey Ya!”. It was hard to tell whether it was funny or not but I guess I did make the girls giggle over our stupid impersonation. I had the last laugh as I had to impersonate as the frantic female fan who ran up to him and was all over him. With whatever I had on me and also a wig I made out of paper, I decided to transform myself to flamboyant slut with tight fitting “blouse”, really short shorts (I had to rolled it up to make it more realistic, amplifying my long but hairy legs) and to parade around like a so called model. It was embarrassing but I decided to go on with it. Once in a lifetime you actually get to do stupid things like this. Being stupid and not forgetting girlish have always been my hidden talent, if you notice. The other interesting character was the “Love Haters”. Why love haters I do not know why but I feel that they should have been called the Dumb “Makers”. With helmets in their head that really covered their identity, Ian, Boss and Chern Liang did exceptional with the hand thingi. Our ending tribute was a self written song dedicated to them by Alvin, Wee Liem, Leo Koo and Nicky. It was pretty impressive. Funny lyrics as well. What was even more funnier is Leo Koo, who was considered the best dress guy there. Checked shirt with a tie strap around it, shorts and socks worn on a pair of Japanese slipper. Respect.

Girls on the other hand were as always, more better than the guys. I guess girls take more initiative compared to the guys. Four girls went up stage to present a dance accompanied by “Kiss Kiss” song. It was rather funny that they tried to look cool by not smiling. However, I would have prefer a smile rather than a straight face. At least it helps to exemplify the dance a bit more. However, considering limited practices, it was a good show to start of with. It was a first time for me to see Shen dance. The finale of the song ended with us being splash with scented water. They got us this time! The next item was a game prepared by the girls for the guys. Previous to that, the girls were also tested with a dare game where they had to get their hands into either 3 pails of funny looking water and retrieve a stone with a number on it. The number will then decide which special cocktail we were going to give to them to taste. Man, it was a horrible smell but I’m surprised the girls took it quite well. Guess, they are more tougher than us. The girls on the other hand, presented the guys with a bottle and a little net. I had seen this same game before when Chinese Language Society (CLS) did it for their Chinese New Year Night. The guys were given the task to scoop a fish into the bottle by using a net that was made our of tissue paper. It wasn’t easy for me not because the tissue can be easily torn but , every time I tried to catch one, I jump back into the tank again. So, I decided to bring the net out in my last attempt so as to prevent it to drop back into the tank but rather let it drop out of it.

This wasn’t going to be the final thing the girls were going to give us something to remember. Their last item was a herbal egg each and also a special brewed drink boiled from dried wasp. I nearly jumped out of my pants when I saw it. Facing my fear, I gulp the drink down leaving the wasp at the bottom of the cup. However, due to everyone curiosity I decided to taste what it was like. There was practically no taste at all, just a crunchy dry shell. Overall I enjoyed myself a lot although the thought of test the following day looms in my head.

A Walk With Him

In the midst of my business, I was still able to find some time to do some exercise. This was because of my guilty conscience that was brought about every time I saw those fats hanging around my belly. I decided a little effort does bring me a long way even though I can’t see the differences now. In my attempt this week, I manages to run around Cyberpark about 3 times. This was a double improvement for me as I usually can run about half that amount. It was maybe due to my persistence to carry on even though it was gruelling. Besides getting fit and hopefully thinner, I gain another advantage as well.

I realised that whenever I jog, my mind is free. There was no thoughts that would cloud my mind and cause me to think unnecessary. All I had to do was just concentrate on the run. I realised also a good start and good breathing helps carry you further in distance although the trail maybe hard to overcome. This help me to hear from Him. With a clear mind, I was able to reflect upon my life and at the same time hear a gentle whisper in heart answering me on certain. Most of this I didn’t consider about but make me realised a lot about life, my actions and people around me. I could sense Him right beside me jogging along my side and making a conversation with me. The frequent jogs make me realise that He was always there beside me even when I though that He wasn’t. I realise now the love of God is so real. So real that it speaks to the heart. All I had to do was to be still and hear His voice. It was also a challenge for me to recognise His still voice and to differentiate the other voices that may overlap it. I realise another thing that I feel more comfortable speaking to him out in the open as I walk or jog than sit in my room and try to talk to him. I realised that spending a quiet time with Him doesn’t only mean sitting quietly in a room and speaking to him. Different people have different approaches in speaking to Him. Some may be praying quietly in the room or some maybe singing to Him. For me, it would be jogging or walking.

I am still trying to find the best way for me to read His word. Sometimes I just feel dry when reading it. There isn’t any passion. No joy. No excitement. I know that it is important for me to read it but how to make it interesting? I used to love reading picture bible when I was little. I could read it over and over again. Even at times as I read the bible now, I would have those pictures in my mind. I realised I am more a visual person compared to a person who love text. I find it easier to remember pictures or diagrams. Even faces I am able to remember clearly compared to remembering names. I hope that I would be able to use this advantage to help me love the Word. Maybe that’s why I always believe that “A picture speaks a thousand words.” I got an idea after attending Bible study on Thursday. It was really interesting to visualise the story of Jonah by re-enacting the scenes in drawing . Besides that, Annette also challenge us to create our own study bible but jotting down out thoughts or question when reading the Word. I felt it was a really good idea, considering that it is something personal and not just following someone else experience with the Word. I guess though conversion comes from personal experience rather than experiences of others.

Valentine Day (14 February 2004)

The most anticipated day of the year for most people. A day where lovers meet, money is splashed on flowers and gifts, a night to remember. To me, it was just another ordinary Saturday. I never really saw the significance of Valentines. Maybe it was because I haven’t been able to spend this special day with someone special just yet. Or perhaps Valentine to me wasn’t only on 14 February. What is Valentine? How did all begin? Why was this day dedicated to lovers?

I recently only found the origins of Valentine. Receiving forward messages about it and also hearing a message being preached by my pastor, allowed me to get a glimpse into Valentine. This is the story of Valentine;

Emperor Claudius II of the Roman Empire had determined that married men made poor soldiers. So he banned marriage from his empire. But Valentine, who was a priest, would secretly marry young men that came to him. When Claudius found out about Valentine, he first tried to convert him to paganism. But Valentine reversed the strategy, trying instead to convert Claudius. When he failed, he was stoned and beheaded in 270 A.D. During the days that Valentine was imprisoned, he fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer. His love for her, and his great faith, managed to miraculously heal her from her blindness before his death. Before he was taken to his death, he signed a farewell message to her, "From your Valentine." The phrase has been used on his day ever since. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honor St. Valentine.

So, this was how valentine came into being. A day dedicated in commemoration of Valentine and has been associated in the past until this day as a sign of love. As for me, I never saw the reality of celebrating it on this day alone. If I were to celebrate Valentine, it would be everyday. I feel that love should be a daily affair and not an annual thing. Just like our relationship with our Father, He has shown us his love each and every day that it is always a celebration every day because He knows that we still love Him. Our relationship with our Father is similar with the love we share with our love ones, be it with family, friends or that special person. Sometimes I cant comprehend the love that He has shown to me. A love that is humble and pure, never expecting anything in return but just obedience to Him who has laid out His plans for us. The matter of relationship did come to mind again. I am trying to understand Gods love so that one day if I meet someone that I like, I would shower her with the equal love that He showered upon me and His children. Agape love. Serving rather than being served, and loving rather than being loved. Have I found her? I may have. There were many indication that she would be the One that I had been praying for. Honestly, it is a tough decision to make especially when one is considering a long-term relationship, a relationship that would grow and blossomed till the day of marriage. I could have started, but I decided to wait and to be really certain about it. True love waits. As I wait, I would rather take this time to build myself up as an individual and at the same time build upon a strong foundation through friendship.

Long term Friendships

I wasn’t wallowing at home and pondering on this though. I have a life and I’m not going sit and wait for things to happen. A wonderful night it was as I was invited for a gathering at Huei Wern’s place together with my sister. I can remember her from very young as both my sister and her had been classmates since Standard 1. Such a long time and I was really amazed that friendship can last so long. I too have friends that I now still contact with, some from as long as Standard 1, a handful that were as long as my kindergarden days at Twinkle. It is really hard this day for many of us to have friends that we have known for such a long time.

I once had a discussion with a friend about long term friendship. Some of them do not agree to the fact that friendship can survive that long. Many would think that as time goes by, people change. As people change, interest changes and sometimes it is hard to secure a friendship. There is some truth in that but does it affect a friendship. I was pondering before that many of my friends have changed especially at this adolescent age where we tend to prefer an independent life, freedom and to follow our dreams. I have friends who like to smoke, drink or even get their hands on drugs, would friendship be lost altogether? I used to despise people like this. Maybe because I was brought up in a family that were foreign to this practices. But I realised my mistake of judging people after I had a neat discussion with my “cheh cheh”. We should always look at people’s positive side but be wary of their negative and not be influenced by their practices and habits. Most of the time we build walls that separate us from others because of our own outlook on people. What is the difference with us? Are we so perfect that we can have the liberty to judge people from their rights and wrongs? Sometimes we should learn not to be too holy that we forget to be real. If not, how can this people be safe if we put a barrier right in front of us?

It is easier said and done because I sometimes suffer with that mentality. I guess I have begun to look at people in a more constructive way if I leave the my personal perception behind. It does help in friendship. I do hope that my friendship with my friends will continue to last till my old age. At least, I can really appreciate what it really means to be a friend.

Many of those who were at her gathering were mostly friends of my sisters and friends of hers. I realised girls are more initiative when it comes to friendship compared to guys. There are a lot more closer as compared to guys. Guys are more of company rather than personal. We tend to concentrate on the not so important issues in life such as making fun of teachers in school or talking about the latest update in the Premier League while girls conversation have more depth such as profession or marriage. Most of those were mostly friends from church and also school friends. I was categorise as “Camp Friend” because I started to talk to her in camps although I have known who she is since she was a young girl. I was rather amazed before the end of the party that she gathered people around and told of her appreciation to them, how they have blessed her in many ways. Photo taking was also sweet as some represented long ago memories like the class they were studying in Standard 1. Other than that, I was pretty puffed up after indulging myself a wide array of food that was prepared by her mom and also her fellow friends. A nice night of food and fellowship. A perfect combination.

A Celebration for Two On One Day

This week I was going to celebrate two of the closest people in my life. My mom and sister. But what was even more surprising is both of their birthdays fall on the same day. February 12. We used to joke about it that my sister was a present to my mom on her birthday. That was 18 years ago. But I feels good to share a birthday with someone, especially a family member. As I wasn’t around during the weekday, we decided to celebrate both their birthday during the weekend. This year was going to be something different as my sister suggested to give them a surprise birthday cake. Chocolate banana from Secret Recipe. Other than that, we also wanted to celebrate both my grandparents birthday on the following week as well as both my sis and I won’t be coming back home. It was a great lunch at grandparents place on Sunday afternoon. I always enjoyed my grandmother’s cooking (to me she’s the best in the world). I hope to carry on this tradition of cooking good food and also to cook my grandmom’s speciality of Peranakan food. Buah Keluak!!!

8th February 2004

Visions and Dreams

My attention was suddenly caught by the title of this Sunday sermon. Pastor Robert Stevenson delivered something which was quite relevant to me as he spoke on Joseph, the dreamer. As I compared myself to the Joseph (the name that was given to me), I realised that I’m a dreamer myself. One caption that caught my attention was this phrase, “We need to SEE IT before we SEE IT if not we wont SEE IT.”

This were some of his points he mentioned
1. A master dreamer believes in their dreams
2. A master dreamer recognises other dreamers.
3. A master dreamer 'sees' it before he actually sees it.
4. A master dreamer sees beyond his ability and life time.
5. A master dreamer has a deep conviction that God is with him.
6. A master dreamer has a sense of destiny and purpose.

One important he also mention is when you have a dream, jot it down and so that you can reflect back to the time when your dreams have become a reality. I wish to start jotting my dreams because there are whole loads of it. I really hope that I can see these dreams become a reality someday and not only a figment of my imagination.

I travelled back alone this time as my sister did not return for the weekend. Tried using the KLIA way and notice that it took equally the same amount of time as compared to the normal route I will take to Kajang. I prefer to travel on trunk roads rather than highways as it is more interesting and you get to see things that most people do not as the majority usually uses the highway to get from one place to another. Coming back to Cyber didn’t really give me any relieve thinking of the stressful week I would be encountering. I really hope I would be able to go through it, with God’s help.

7th February 2004

I left for Seremban early in the morning with my younger sister. Was thinking of staying in Cyber to study but guess it doesn’t really make a difference if u study here and back home. Had to bring my books back this week as it will be a tough week for me next week. Three exams in four days. I can’t imagine what it would be like but I guess I would still have to face. Looking at the bright, it will help to train me for the upcoming finals in 6 weeks time. Boy, how time passed by so quickly in a blink of an eye.

Night came and I made my way to Jocelyn and Jeremy residence at Rasah Kemayan for our music meeting. It had been quite some time since we had one and after postponing it from last week to this week due to Aspirers retreat at Genting Highlands, we finally make it a point to meet up. It was a going to be a time of sharing from pastor about going one notch up and not forgetting the glorious food that comes after that. I truly agreed to what pastor shared to us that night about taking it one notch higher for the music ministry. He came out with three points that was really interesting

1. Spontaneous
We should be spontaneous and sensitive to notice how the congregation react to certain songs and try to bring them to a higher in worship

2. Stage presence
Always know what is going on around the stage area and be cautious of what we do on stage as people notice our actions. Encourage the congregation to worship by worshipping God.

3. Sleep
Get enough sleep before serving the next day. A well rested body does makes a lot of difference when it comes to serving God. A tired mind may cause one to loose focus.

I was surprised to see Pastor Robert Stevenson during the meeting. He had just came down from Perth, Australia and was on the way to India to preach there. Pastor Bob, known by many was the one that brought my pastor to Christ while he was studying at ACS Seremban. I could say that he is sort of like a father figure to my pastor and comes down to Seremban quite frequently. His son, Pastor Phil will be coming down to our church somewhere around April and will be bringing a team along with him. Can’t wait to meet them. A very friendly pastor indeed. With a plate of fettuccini and rice with curry, I sat in front of the TV watching a live concert by Kurt Franklin. The sound of the choir was simply awesome. I was totally amazed by the blend of the voices and expression that came along with it. It was so heavenly. One of my dreams is actually to visit an African American church. I was always amazed at the way they sang their heart out. How I wish sometimes that we can experience such openness to worship in Malaysia.

I had initially planned to go out with my friends but decided to postpone in to the following week as I was beginning to get worried about not finishing my studies. So, I practically spend the night at home on my desk reading my notes. How sad can it be.

6 February 2004

Fridays are here again and generally Fridays isn’t the favourite day of the week for me. I foresee a long and continuous day for me that covers up to 5 ½ hours straight that includes 3 hours of lectures and 2 ½ of CISCO lab. Lunch had to be postponed due to limited time. I grabbed myself a kung fu burger ( the burger I usually consume when I am in a rush) just to filled my stomach at around 5pm. Hunger wasn’t that important to me today, what was more anticipating was going for my first local theatre production that night.

Life…… Sdn. Bhd (An Extensive Review)

Clouds were beginning to gather in the sky. As they gather, the sky began to grow darker and heavier. Strong wind blew from side to side, shaking all that was in her path. Doors slams, windows shut, clothes floating away, cups and plates scattered all over the place. A big storm awaits and we were in the middle of it. All who were going for the play tonight had gathered at HB3 for some announcement and also arrangement of transport. As we wanted to leave that place, we were forced to stay in the shelter as winds coupled with rain form a strong barrier between us and our transport. Once we spotted a break in the rain, the drivers quickly rush to their cars to pick up passengers who were told to wait near the shaded crossing. Despite of the precaution taken, some of us were quite wet and one had to even go back to have a quick change.

The Journey

Looking at the weather condition, we decided to take another route to Bangsar as we feared the road to Puchong and Sunway will be jam packed due to after working hour. The road that we took was long and expensive but at least we were sure that we be able to reached on time. Despite meeting earlier, we ended up reaching Actors Studio at Bangsar Shopping Mall (the place where Canny Ong was kidnapped and later found rape, murdered and burned.) close to the opening of the show at 8.30pm. There was also a bit of confusion due to a missing ticket that we had just found out. Thanks to Mrs. Faridah Merican who came over to take a look at us and decided to let us all in, trusting us that we had paid for our sittings.

Overall Performance

What did I think of the show as I sat glued in my chair and one of the best seats in the house, the front. (thanks to my sis.)? I was really surprised my the awesome performance of the cast that rendered their life stories in a rather amazing, creative and humours way filled with many emotions that caught some of the audience with tears in their eyes as well. It was a rendition of their life as Malaysian and their experiences in growing up in a multiracial land touching on the personal expects and also political in some ways. What compelled me was the openness to certain issues like homosexuality and also transparency and openness to share their thoughts and what they perceived life is. It connected with the crowd as some of us were in a similar situation as theirs. The little expectation from me about a monologue session cause me to really enjoy myself and I also felt very familiar to what the theatrical scene is due to my involvement in theatre in uni as my cocuriculum subject which I took last semester. I felt a lot of the points that were made my theatre master finally made sense for example the technical issues of the importance of the stage, lights and sounds, portraying yourself on stage rather than another person and also the visual aspect of projection of voice and facial expression that allows the audience to capture what you are actually saying besides the speech element.

The Cast

During the play, I noticed a few individuals that caught my attention and made me analyse them more not to notice their faults, but to learn from them in how they presented themselves on stage. I finally got to meet Patrick Teoh up close after memories of him in my childhood days of listening to him host the Morning Show on Radio 4 from 9-12pm during the weekdays. The voice of Malaysia, as many perceived him to be, make me realise why he was ordained this status. Indeed, the clarity of his voice with his perfect usage of the English language moved me to start improving my speech. Gavin Yap, half Chinese half Irish, caught my attention as someone who expresses himself very well as someone that I would listen to if he was going to make a speech. His sharing filled with emotion caused me to want to listen more and never felt the time pass by even if it was a 2 hour speech. On the other hand, I was astounded my the different facial expression and voice over and not forgetting the usage of the language that was presented by Ari Ratos. I was a little sceptical by the way he looks but looks did fool me and whenever it was his turn, I was laughing my head out and at the same time respecting this man for his gift. An old timer that we used to see regularly on Pi Mai Pi Mai Tang Tu, a local TV programme, Susan Lankester really exuberates such fine display of performance that was simply perfect. I was pretty shocked that she was able to speak in Cantonese and applauded her effort on it although it sounded rather Westernise. Last but no least, a young girl of 18 years, Lum Kay-Li caught my attention as she was simply radiant. I could have said that she was pretty and had a nice smile but radiant would be the perfect word to describe her. Despite of her beauty, she amazes me with her rendition of “Reflection” by Coco Lee and carrying it the chorus so beautifully without stumbling on the note caused me to looked in awe. Other characters like Iqbal Abdul Rahim with his Kelantese logat was hysterical but overall the cast was well balanced.

The Red Carpet

It was surprising at the end of the show when I notice how a stage really makes a difference to the actors on it. Seating as the audience which was lower than the stage, I had a diagonal vision that cause me to think that the actors were a lot more matured compared to their age and also taller in nature. At the entrance of the theatre, I was baffled to realise that they were much more younger in person and shorter too. I had a glimpse of all the actors except Iqbal and Ari. The first person that I saw was Wei Jun, the dancer followed by the other cast members. It was pretty interesting to see Ben Tan carrying a YSL cosmetic box which didn’t really surprise that much as he shared to the audience about his ordeal and status as a gay man. Gavin was in his three quarter, something I fancy wearing, rushing out. It was also surprising to spot Patrick Teoh with a gold earring on the left side of his ear. Talking about a 56 years old wanting to look different. Besides the actors, I was scanning through the area for any interesting people that I would meet. I usually let my eyes wonder around especially when it comes to functions such as this as to allow myself to spot any prominent people that I might usually see in the media, to see them in person. I manage to spot Sheila Majid from the back together with her husband and also a famous model which I can’t remember her name. Other than that, I also manage to catch a glimpse of Edward Sumon (can’t really recollect his name) from the Techlive programme that used to be on TV3 and also a few regular DJ’s from Radio 4, which I recognise after watching a game show over 8TV.

In Conclusion

Before I took my leave, I manage to get myself the T-shirt the cast was wearing on stage which was pretty cool for RM25. As it was late and our stomachs began to rumble in desperation for solid, we quickly made our way to SS2 for our delayed dinner. It was quite an interesting evening and I guess this would not be my last visit to a local theatre production. Some of the people who went were already making plans to watch for the next one but I rather reserve it for a better time because its quite hefty in price to watch a show like this, especially coming from a student who still is dependant on our parents finances. I was pretty please to also have my younger sister, Jessica and my big time rock star friend, Andrew to come along with us. Though he was the only one who didn’t enjoy the show, I wasn’t convinced by his reasons because I just love it. No doubt about that. Going for this play didn’t leave me with memories only, but also ideas that came about while watching the show. Ideas of starting something like that in future and also implementing the style of presentation in CF one day as a way to share the Word. Still thinking and I shall let the idea sink in.

5 February 2004

It was a holiday today in conjunction of Thaipusam, a celebration celebrated by the Hindus as an offering the their gods by carrying kavadis that are pierced on their body without feeling a single pain at all while carrying it all the way up a few hundred flight of stairs up Batu Caves, Gombak. I was supposed to hand up an assignment today but the lecturer on realising it was a public holiday postponed it to the following day. So I didn’t had to rush but still had to finish it cause I haven’t started doing it yet.

I had a long meeting today. Though it was intended to be about 2 hours, committee meeting normally would always take longer. In the 3 hours of meeting, the incoming committees manage to explain to the newbies what each role is and also to decide on which role they would be taking. There were a lot of surprises in stored during the meeting. Three ministries had two person in it while two task were combined into one. It was also quite surprising to know that the list given by the Election Committees resulted in a different set altogether after the roles were confirmed with the exception of two who scored a bulls eye. Besides that, we also set a tentative date for our committee retreat and planning session that would be right after our finals and before IF camp. I can foresee a busy holiday for me. But, its good to get my hands busy rather than staying at home and wasting my time aimlessly doing nothing but eating and sleeping.

The night was spend busily finishing my assignment. I kind of regret the last minute work and promise myself I would try to finish my next assignment earlier. I wasn’t as easy as I expected because I haven’t read one chapter yet although it would be covered in my exam the following week. Thanks to a fellow friend that I was able to ask although I had to strive till the wee hours of the morning, sleeping only at 3 am.

4 February 2004

Wednesday always seems to be one of my free days where class starts at 9am and end 2 hours later. Mr Ezra Morris came in to replace Dr. Chuah (fortunately!) after taking 3 chapters. He started teaching Chap 6 surprisingly. I was late for class and didn’t catch why he started on that. I kind of like hearing him teach because he is one lecturer who doesn’t just lecture but causes you to rationalise and understand what he is talking about by making it practical. Small elements that we don’t think is necessary to pay attention to he stressed upon. There weren’t many people in class that morning, one reason I didn’t know. But indeed it was really thought provoking even though I was sitting behind the class as usual.

Speaking to the an Empty Room

I sometimes pity lecturers in a way of how when they ask a question no one seems to answer them. I find it rather disturbing if not rude for some to ask a question and we pretend not to hear him. Its like talking to a wall or something lifeless. This non responsive nature is mainly due to our culture, us being Asians that we are afraid to speak even if we know about it less we loose our face. Its so pathetic sometimes to see it happened and yet we don’t to anything about it. I am guilty myself too but sometimes I don’t know how to respond in that manner. I guess it takes a lot of guts to speak what you know and not shrivel up like a tortoise it its shell. I really do hope to make an improvement in this area, mainly to break the stigma. As I write this I cant help but remember a story a church member told to me when she was in Singapore studying music where she took the initiative to merge the fine arts and music student together although it had been a taboo not to mix the two together. Her initiative spark a new understanding between the fine arts and the music student that there weren’t different but same in many ways. I hope to make a different in uni before I leave. This are some ways that I can start getting my hands on.

Testing : Part 1

It was a very long and dry day. Everything seem to pass by very slowly. Spend the whole afternoon and evening preparing for my paper in the night. At times, I was restless and began to let my thoughts run wild. But then, looking the amount of things that I needed to revise through got me back on track once again. Test came and entering the exam room I could only expect nothing but to face my greatest fear, INTEGRATION. The whole paper was almost full of it and I wasn’t really prepared to face it. It was practically deducing equations after equation and although it was rather simple but it involve exponential and that’s where I was kind of confuse about. Tried my best to get over it though I knew I would not be doing so well in this paper. I used to love doing maths when I was younger. Coming to university change all that. Now I am just scraping and learning just to survive for exams. Hope I will be able to practice more in preparation for finals. I was pretty calm after coming put from the exams as I guess I was not alone. Many people came out fretting about the paper. Guess, we all think a like.

A Dominos Effect

It was not long before my sorrow turn to joy. Terry and me quickly made our way to Prof. Chacko residents for CG. I was rather surprise when I reached there as I saw a lot of people who were familiar to me. We had a combine CG with OHANA in conjunction with the Chinese New Year. Guess, the different thing about today’s CG was FOOD. Wee Liem manage to get for us 2 beautifully pack Yee Sang, which he bought from Carrefour. That was not all the food we were about to feast on. Six large and one small box of Dominos Pizzas of assorted flavours were laid out on the table subsequently. I really had to thank Kenneth for buying it as he brought the world to the lost tribe, figuratively speaking. Everyone had 2 slice each. Guys were normally faster than girls when it comes to food. By the time we finish our second, they were still munching on the first. I could see that they were feeling the pressure at the point as the guys were hurrying them to take their second or waste it to the hungry pack of pigs that were waiting before the table. The last pieces of it was finish by playing a simple game of “Lat Ta Li Lat Ta Li Tam Pom.” It was strange though that people from Ipoh calls it “ La La Li Li Ta Li Tam Pom.” It sound pretty out to me. I still prefer my version.

A Night With The Boys

The night of feasting didn’t end just there for me. I manage to call a few of friends for supper after having not hanging out with them for quite a while, especially those who are staying off campus in Putra Permai. I called on my friend to accompany from hostel and we met up with Terry, Ah Fui, Khang Yee and Kai Nian. These were some of my close friends I kind of grew up together or should I say stayed together for some of them for 2 years in hostel. I missed those times when we used to hang out at HB’s foodcourt having lunch or dinner and just chilling out with crapping being one of our favourite types of conversation. Every time I meet with them it always brings joy to my heart as we be chatting and laughing till our brains spew out. We headed down to Rashmir or Milo Kau for supper. Had a nice time chatting and laughing although we were swamped by a colony of mosquitoes partly due to Mathan all black attire. A nice night to end especially after exams. However, I can see this joy short-lived as 3 papers awaits me the following week. Can’t imagine what it would be. Better not imagine at all.

3 February 2004

The clock struck 7.30am. I looked at it shockingly and quickly jumped of the bed with my pyjamas into a shirt and shorts and raced down the stairs to the little hut that was nearby. I was late again for Morning Glory. Even in my lateness, I was able to join the guys as they were praying and got my name mention in the prayer as well. In another unrelated incident, spotted a pair of snails bonding together passionately. I come to realise now why there were so many snails around MMU. It was a daily activity for them. Production house.

It was rather a relaxing day for me today as classes was few and it gave me more time to finish studying the paper that I was due to sit the following. Coupled with an assignment that was due on Thursday which happened to be a public holiday (Thaipusam), I was beginning to worry about having to accomplish both of this task that were before me. Though, it was worrying I decided to continue with what I was doing and worry about the other thing later less I get distracted and not do either.

Blessed

I felt really blessed at one moment today. I wasn’t sure that thought came to me but I was indeed blessed or should I say love. Thoughts after thoughts came to me while I was studying of how I was so blessed with so much yet I realised most of this blessing I didn’t deserve one bit. Things that weren’t mine but I get to enjoy, people that I met that were so nice to me but I sometimes neglect. So much blessing, so little appreciation. I dropped my pen and beginning to say a word of thanksgiving to Him who has always love me and taken care of me despite failing Him numerous and countless times. I began to realise that many things that I ask of Him, He gave graciously. Sometimes He didn’t and I wonder why. I guess He knew what to give and what not give, what I need and what I do not need. It daunt upon me as well that I shouldn’t be fearful of asking anything from God because I know that He will provide.

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” Matt 7:7-8

What I should be fearful is God taking away what He has given. What do I do to retain this blessings? Obedience. God has a plan for each and everyone of us. A road laid out for each and everyone of us that all we need to do is just to walk that road and obey the road signs that placed vividly for us to see so as to direct us to where He wants us to go. Many of the time we don’t follow this road that He has built. We don’t look at the signs that are placed before us. Rebelliousness takes over. Pride takes over. Self takes over. This is when we build our own roads, build our own signs to a destination that we want to go. In the end, we are lost out in an open, deserted place where no one can find us except God himself. I was convicted at that point that God was showing me and also bringing and moulding to be the man He wants me to be. I personally had many dreams, many visions that He had imparted to me. The question is whether I would see this dreams, this visions come to reality depends solely on my obedience to the One who loves me dearly.

Family Matters

Evening came and it was time for CF. I had to be earlier as we would normally have a committee prayer before the CF starts. Today’s committee prayer would see a mixture of incoming and outgoing committees. We had a time of sharing of what was it like to be in the committees for the outgoing committees and also what would be the challenges that the incoming committee would face. It would be the first CF after for everyone after coming back from a week or should I say more than a week of holiday. Rachel Ann Thong’s mom and dad came to visit us and brought to us a message on “Family Thang”. I couldn’t help to be inspire by the message which was short and simple yet it spoke to many of our hearts as it was something that we could relate with, Family. I couldn’t help visualising my own family. My parents are both wonderful people who take care for the three children in the family. They have always been there to nurse us when we are sick and advice us when we make our mistakes. Yet, at times I often take them for granted. I can’t be confident enough to say that our family are close. I would rather say that we are an OK family. We do speak most of the times but we do not venture in personal issues. I have always wondered why I couldn’t tell them just about anything as compared to my other friends. Maybe, I am scared. Scared that what I do may cause them to worry or be upset. The notion of speaking to them does come at times and I hope that I will be able to speak to them as often as possible even sharing things that are personal. One statement Mrs. Mary Ann Thong said reminded me what my dad used to say especially when I was always out of the house.

“Don’t treat your house like hotel where you step in, have a bath, go to sleep and step out again.”

There are times we get so bored by staying at home that we venture outside to find things to do although in actually fact there are loads of things to do right inside the house. I realise that my parents always want me and my sister to be at home when we return every weekend. They want to know that we are safe at home and also to spend time with the family even if it means doing nothing. It does make sense come to think of it and I think I beginning to realise that are a lot of things that my parents used to say does make a lot of sense now compared to the time when I first heard it. Maybe its easier to listen to others other that those who are close to you, like your parents.

2 February 2004

First day of the 7th week of trimester 3 and fortunately today was a holiday due to the celebration of Hari Raya Haji. So I decided to wake up early and start studying. However, one thing to another and I got myself checking out from one blog site to another. I tried to read my notes but nothing really concrete went in so mind as well I indulge in something else hoping that I will be able to concentrate and to input some knowledge into this head of mine. I realise a lot of people are into blog. And the interesting thing was, all of those blog site are interconnected. They somehow know each other. Its like a circle of something. Reminds me of ecircle in certain ways. I realise they were a lot of high profile girls blogging as well. Some of them are quite pretty I must say. Most of them love socialising. There are into clubbing, dining and travelling. It was rather fun looking at the pictures that they took on their various ‘adventure’. I prefer looking at the pictures rather than reading the blogs. To me, a picture speaks a thousand words. Looking at their site caused me to think about setting up my own personal site too. I’m not sure when but one day.

Facing With Temptation

I was rather disappointed with myself in certain ways today. Disappointed that I didn’t keep some principles that I made or stood on my grounds when face with a situation. Instead, I allowed myself to be lost in fantasy and dreams that cause me to lost my whole state of mind. I realise also that talking is easy but practicing takes a lot of discipline and perseverance. Am I matured to handle situation? Am I able to make decisions concretely without changing my mind about it? There still a whole lot of things that I need to cultivate in myself so as to be someone who sticks to his word and not falter through circumstances. Guilt had overwhelmed my heart but what was done, was done. I realise today also that I’m someone who thinks too much and who seeks perfection even when I’m not perfect myself. I expect people to be perfect in certain ways and if they don’t I get disappointed or sometimes have mixed feelings about that person. I wonder why I have this kind of ideology built within me. Maybe I haven’t really been exposed to people that much that cause me to think everyone is like me. But, recently I realised that this ideology is beginning to fade away and I’m beginning to accept people for who they are and what I expect them to be. It does make the world a better place to live in, I must say.

The Power Of Rest...Just A Little Is Sufficient

It was kind of a frustrating night for me. Having loads to study, nothing did go into my head. Maybe it was the loads of thoughts that were bombarding my little mind. Adding to it, my eyes were beginning to signal a closure. Looking at the possibility of not being able to concentrate, I decided to take a short nap. And boy, was I surprise by the result of it. Everything on the notes, which I tried to understand since afternoon, became clear to me. It does make a lot of different when you study with a fresh mind. And though I wasted half and hour sleeping, it was worthwhile thinking that I didn’t need to waste an hour sitting down and trying aimlessly to understand what I was studying. So if you can’t seem to understand, take a break and I can assure you that your timely decision will save you the time and effort to do about anything. A fresh mind, A new beginning!

1 February 2004

Woke up at 8am and as usual I had to rush to get ready for church this morning as I was serving this morning. I had to be much earlier today as we had to run through the songs with Kin Sang as he wasn’t able to make it for the practice the night before. The arrangement of the song this morning was pretty different although the songs were quite familiar to most of us. I realise whenever I played by concentrating on Him, it would sound so much better. There would be a different feel to it and I enjoy myself at the same time.

Pastor Ben was back at the pulpit this morning after his absence last week. Today was a continuation to last week strong message. It was rather strange and also equally amazed that I was able to concentrate to the message without having any side thoughts or that my mind was wondering somewhere else though there was once where it did. I could hear Him speaking to me about various issues in my life and I felt encourage by his faint whisper of hope and love. Its not the first time I heard him, not vocally but in my heart.

It was great too to see Andrew today. Went out for lunch with my parents at Kong Ming Restaurant. After buying some stuff from The Store and fixing my specs, I headed back home for a nice bath and rest. Will be going back to Cyber today. I wish the day wouldn’t have come so fast as it reminds me that I need to study for my exams and do my assignment which is due this week.

A Relationship to Ponder

The subject of relationship came to mind yet again. I was reviewing principles that I had laid out for my life to follow and realise that this principles or high standards that I try to live up, most of the time end up making me feel miserable because I am unable to live up to it. My flesh is weak and I have no discipline. What I say I want to do, I do not. Sometimes I feel such a hypocrite that I began hating myself in the end. Maybe at time I just think too much about all of this and try to construct a perfect relationship which I think is Godly. I feel sometimes I should just appreciate what I have and not think about all the unnecessary things that cause me to feel miserable but take things as it is and trust God that He will show me His ways and plans.

31 January 2004

I look at the date and saw that it was already end of the first month of the year. Chinese New Year had passed by so quickly. Imagine today was already Saturday, the 10th day of Chinese New Year and the sight of classes, exams and assignment seem to loom nearer and nearer. Sigh! Yet another boring week to come. So soon I wonder???

Parents went out to KL. My little sister was up in the heavens (Genting actually!) for my church youth retreat at Peacehaven. Didn’t join them for it as exams was nearing and I haven’t been attending the youths anymore. It was a decision I made as I didn’t had the time to be involve so actively before due to my commitments back in campus and also I lost the joy of going to youths anymore. It was more of just attending and supporting the youths, but there wasn’t any purpose at all. Many of the youths I know had change. Clicks were beginning to be more obvious now considering that many of them are in the choir ministry while I wasn’t. I hardly know them anymore although I grew up with some of them. Everything seem to be very fake to me. There wasn’t any sincerity in the friendship. I use to feel kind of disappointed about it but have learned to look at the brighter side of things. Thank God now I can say I have a group which I mix with, a group that comprise of youths my age who aren’t so involve in church ministry. It thought me what it feels to be left out when you are not in the same group as the majority.

As both my sis and I were at home alone and had nothing much to do but to try to study. The days were getting nearer and I guess it scared us a little knowing about it. Had a dinner date with sister at Curry Leaf. As usual, I would always go for the rice as I was hungry. Took mutton with 3 side dishes of veges and potatoes, drench with the ever famous dhal and accompanied by papadam. I had been a fan of Indian food for such a long time that I have even a customised my voice with an Indian slang. It was rather funny one day when the auntie who mans the vegetarian shop said this to me,

“If I put you in a dark room, without seeing you I would think that you would be an Indian boy.”

Well, not only do I have an Indian slang, so as both of my sisters Maybe its due to the company of friends we mix with at school which comprise mostly of Indian friends. Guess that’s the beauty of being in Malaysian. A Chinese with and Indian slang. What other combination would u imagine? Countless.

The Longest Practice Session

The night was spend at church practicing for the following day praise and worship. It was a rather long winded practice I would say as most of the time we were waiting for the keyboardist to get the chords of the songs. I was kind of frustrated at times as we were going through the songs. We were trying our best to get the chords and play the right way, just as the way the CD sounds like. I have always prefer singing or playing a song in your own way without having the need to imitate exactly what someone else has done. In my heart, I have always believe that praise and worship comes from the heart whereby we should play or sing it as we are worshipping Him in our own special way. The worship team on the CD are singing it in their own special way. Why do we need to copy someone else worship and make worship sound so similar and not special? I hope one day I’m able to share this with the worship team and hope by doing that we can progress in worship and lead the people.

3 guys and A Mamak

Right after practice, I quickly hurried down to S2 to meet up 2 of my closest friends, Ericson and Leon. They had been waiting patiently for me for almost an hour and felt kind of bad to let them wait any longer. Ericson had just finish his exams the day before and Leon was back from NZ and was going back soon. It was good time for us to catch up and get to know how each and everyone of us were doing. Its hard now to meet as often as we use to when most of us were still in Malaysia. Most of my close friends were far off in another land while those around here, I didn’t mix much in school and I hardly contact. I hope that I can broadened my circle of friends and not only mix with these few close ones but mix around with others as well. Some of the close ones I had also lost contact. I hope my having this blog that I’ll be able to keep in touch and inform them about my current updates. Planning to meet up with Eric and Leon next week, hopefully

30 January 2004

It was another day that I had planned to jog yet failed to get myself out of bed. Its kind of funny to wake up at 7am, walk to my sis room and see her sleeping, go back to my room and sleep back again. Maybe all I needed was someone to accompany me on my first trip to loose weight. Woke up around 10pm and dad was on leave but out to get the cars to the workshop for a check-up. So, I was practically ferrying my dad from the place to home and back to the place again. It was a rather cloudy day and the rain kept falling making it considerably hard to wake up in the morning.

Nothing much really did happened today except that I manage to finish my Chapter 1 for Comm 2. Kind of happy momentarily as I had about 30 plus slide to cover to finish Chapter 1 of DSP. Took my time actually and kind of wasted a lot of my time day dreaming most of the time and thinking unnecessarily things. So basically kind of quiet day for me.

29 January 2004

The day seems very cloudy today. Rain had fall the previous night and it had continued to this very morning. My attempt to loose those excessive loads around my body that I had gathered over the New Year was a failure. Guess, I would remain as I am now till I find the right time and the right weather to get a weight loss. It was a very nice day indeed. The sun was hidden behind the kulumibus and wetness in the air gave the surrounding a cool feeling. It was seriously hard to wake up especially with such weather where your body seem to lie motionless.

“Joeboy! Wake up lah! Faster wake up! I need you to send me to hospital! Wake up”

The sound of my mom’s thunderous wake up call didn’t leave me any choice to wake up at 9am. I had to chauffeur my mom to the hospital for her monthly check-up with the dermatologist (doctor who specialises in skin). My mom and me visit the dermatologist at the local general hospital once a while. Although visiting the local hospital would require you to queue up for you turn, wait few hours just to see the doctor for a few minutes and queue up again to collect the medication, it was quite worth it for RM5 where you get a chance to visit a specialist and receive loads of good quality medicine. One thing for sure, you get to receive good medical treatment with an additional test of patience that comes free with every visit. After leaving my mom at the hospital, I went to get myself a haircut. My mom had been bugging me continuously throughout the whole holiday for a haircut and in the end I had to give in to her constant nagging.

My visit to Kedai Gunting Bob goes along way back ever since I started schooling in primary. From his first shop in Wisma Punca Emas to his upgraded saloon at Thivy Jaya. I never failed to get a haircut from him. Why so many years with the same barber? Maybe I had grown accustomed to getting my hair cut by him. Though he has grown old a little as time passes by and his hands are as steady and precise as it used to, a visit to his shop do bring back good memories especially when I used to sit his ‘bas sekolah’ when I was in primary school. He had just returned from India about a week ago. His constant visit there had always been spiritual. He is a very devout Hindu who occasionally makes trips to India for prayers, mainly for his family. Though many people may think being a barber would not make you a rich man, looking at Uncle Bob makes you think twice. Its very encouraging to see him as a barber venturing into different businesses (He currently has a saloon, a transportation bus company and a gym) and owning many properties. In spite of his success, he is still a very modest and humble man who always cares for his family. Beside that, listening to him speak as he cuts his customer’s hair, especially my dad show me that he is a very simple and practical person. He has two sons; Rajan, who is continuing on his father’s business and Lingam, who is studying to become a pilot. A very interesting family indeed and have learn a lot from them.

Last Samurai

It was 2pm and I was as usual rushing out from my house to fetch Huei Wen as I headed down to Terminal 1 to watch Last Samurai…AGAIN! After a failed attempt to finish the show yesterday, I hope I wouldn’t be disappointed again. Though it would be one and half show that I will be seeing, I think it be worth it. And guess what, it was. It was superb. I can’t explain how good it was. Just as General Katsumoto dying words, “It is perfect, just perfect.” The direction of the movie was simply marvellous. I was indeed happy that the director did not rush through the movie but allowed the audience to digest each part of the movie and understand it well. It was really interesting to see the way the samurai live their life. From the moment they awake, the live a life of perfection, perfecting everything they get themselves involve in. Tom Cruise indeed struck an excellent performance in this movie by portraying a foreigner who accustomed himself to the samurai lifestyle. Ken Watanabe did a marvellous job by injecting humour and at the same time seriousness in each part of the scene he was in. I was even surprise to see a Legolas look alike in the movie as Nabotada did marvellously with the bow and arrow . Higan will indeed grow up to be a very handsome young man and Taka struck a very decent, young, pure and obedient wife. My favourite character in the movie is the small cute kid and Algren protector, Bob. I couldn’t help but be so excited when I saw that small kid. How I wish I had a son like him. And speaking of Bob, I almost cried when I saw him get shot when he jumped in front of Algren to save him. You can really fell that you were attached to him in someway or another. Overall, I love the way they brought about the simplicity and lifestyle of the Japanese people.

Unseen Beauty

I also was in awe of the purity the woman in that time possesses. They didn’t need to flaunt their bodies but you could see the beauty in them by just observing the way they carried themselves. It’s really a contrast to the present time where woman wear so little hoping to impress their male courterpart. I even made a comparison to the woman who live in the middle east who have their whole body covered up from head to toe. How are you going to be attracted to a woman when you don’t even see her? Guess, it’s a test of love where beauty is found in the eyes that is blinded to the outward appearance but not the heart, where the real person lies waiting for that someone to come and discover her.

Entertaining A Threesome

Desmond, Wai Mun and Fong Yang made a trip down to Seremban and joined us for the movie as well. They later drop by my house to visit and I accompanied them to the food court near my place for dinner. There wasn’t many shops open due to an important festival called “Pai Ting Kong” which is celebrated by the Hokkiens on the eighth day of the Chinese New Year. It was also a very noisy night indeed as rounds of fireworks exploded all over the place, lighting up the place with its multi hues of colours. Now I know there were a lot of rich farts living around my area. I was also able to catch a Kun Ming lantern floating in the end. It was quite a controversial thing last year. Maybe that’s why I only saw one floating in the air. I spend the night studying Communication 2 and only manage to cover a handful. However, it was quite a nice night indeed as I concluded my day by giving expresssio a call. It was good to hear her voice and to listen to what expressio had gone through the day. Though we are afar and we are not able to meet or see one another, a call does makes a lot of difference indeed.