Christmas

Christmas had come and I was pretty excited over it. I felt happy. There was peace, joy and love in my heart. I started my Christmas by waking up and wishing my family "Merry Christmas". After that, we made our way to church. There were alot of people at church and it was normal to see many unfamiliar faces in the congregration.

There was a choir presentation by the choir members of our church. Their voices seem much clearer due to the new padding on the wall and the improve acoustic. I could hear them clearly for once. All together, there was four songs that were presented. I had a particular liking for "Hallelujah". It was simply heavenly. Then, the drama team came on stage to present a short sketch. My heart was pleased and happy. This was the final product from the scrip that me and my sisters had helped in writing. It was so nice to see the work that you had accomplished come alive before you very eyes. They even added a life interview with people that met at Seremban Parade. I felt proud of this production.

Pastor gave a powerful message on Christmas. My heart was touched and felt God's presence upon me. Pastor lead the congregration into prayer and I lead the people together into an acceptance prayer. There and then, I commited my life again before God and asked Him to lead me. Today will be the beginning of more things in store for me, I pray.

After service, my parents and I journeyed down to KL where we would be gathering at my aunt's place at Kota Kemuning for our family reunion. Grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins will be there to celebrate Christmas together. There were alot of food prepared for the night such as Peking Duck, Kerabu, Salad, Fried Mee Hoon, BBQ Lamb, Chicken and Fish and the list goes on. My sisters and I prepared the drinks for the night, mixing anything that would taste nice and hoping for a good mixture.

People soon began to pour in. Relatives and also my aunt's neighbour. I was commisioned to the BBQ pit to take care of it with the help of my uncle. Boy, the flames were before me and soon, I was smelling like smoke and BBQ. It was great to have family around and also exchange presents with one another. There was so much joy, happiness and love. We even had a mock yam seng session of sparkling juice that made the guest outside thinking that we were somewhat drunk.

It was soon began to grow late and everyone was getting tired. I was. We soon made our way back and lay flat on the bed after a quick shower.

Letting Go

I took some time to ponder upon this before having the courage to write this up. My mind have been in a daze for quite awhile over this issue but I am glad that God is beside me as I move on with my life and face it.

I was involve in an unofficial relationship for about 11 months. It all started pretty naturally as friends and then we progress closer to be big brother and small sister. Things have been good at that time as I was happy to have her as company. We got to know each other well through online chat, which sometimes lasted till the wee hours of the morning. Other than that, we occassionaly called each other and visited one another. It was going on well until feelings came into the picture and before we knew it we were in a relationship.

During this relationship, I had become weak and fell into temptation. I was not strong and matured enough to handle a relationship. There was much doubts and uncertainty that I could not bring myself to ask her to become my girlfriend. I wanted to but felt that she wasn't. I tried to wait for the right time but it never came. Maybe I should have been strong enough, maybe I should tried harder. I had gone into this relationship hoping that I had found someone I truly like and that it would last. It had ended.

I was hearbroken when I had a chat with her and she decided that we became friends. Things that had looked certain turned out beyond my imagination. I could not bring myself to accept this fact. My heart was sad and hurt. I cried out to God and ask Him why this had happened. In a flash, I was reminded about God's warning to me that I would loose her if I did not come back to Him. My procrastination and denial turn out for the better of me and I soon lost her love.

There were many emotions within. Feeling of my trust taken away from me, feeling of anger towards her, feeling of being cheated. I had placed all the blame on her instead of myself. She kept quiet and did not blame me for anything. I was confuse. I cried out to Him each day asking for His guidance. I soon got an answer, "Let Go". It was a hard thing to do. I had so much memories with her that I was holding on hoping that I would be given another chance. What good will it do to both of us?

I was told that she had found someone she like. There was nothing much I could do but ask of God to restore me and our friendship. I knew our level of love was different. As much as I love her, I knew I had to let her go. I know I would not be able to close to her anymore as much as I wanted to. I had to let go.

During this entire relationship, I had learned alot. I had learned to trust in God even more, allowing Him to take control of my life. There was nothing I could do except through Him. I needed to come to His throne again and revived back that passion for Him again. It has been a swell of a time during this past months and I thank God for accepting me and building me up to be more like Him.

I had also learned alot from her. She had taught me about being rationale, how to be open and transparent, how to always protect your friends even if people might see them differently and always being positive in everything. I know I would not be getting any late nights SMS anymore neither would I hear your voice over the phone but I hope we could still be friends. All the memories I had with you I treasure. I was always remember you as the girl I had love and care about. Now, I know what it feels like loving someone. I hope to experience someone who will one day love me back.

To you, thank you so much for being patient throughout our time together. I apologise for anything that I have done and said that may have cause you much hurt. I pray that you will always be happy and that you will always serve Him and place Him in ur heart always. I appreciate you. Goodbye.

Life Is Short, Make It Count

I had a phone call from home today. Mom would usually call my sis and I occassionally to catch up with things and how we were doing. As we were speaking, my mom told me a sudden news. The former Wesley Methodist Seremban pastor, Pastor Paul had passed away after a heart attack. I had seen him before but did not know him. My grandparents attends the church and I heard that they were quite sad about it.

They had just had a farewell function for him last Sunday. Everything seem alright. The pastor fellowship of Seremban had initially wanted to have a farewell function for him as well. Plans were made and comfirm with his wife. I remembered Pastor Gan speaking about it when my family met him during lunch on Sunday. They were actually preparing to migrate to Perth.

The day before, he had complain of a chest pain after having dinner and soon after had heart attack and went off thereafter to meet with the Lord. It was fast and unexpected. There was no indication whatsoever before this. God had decided that it was time for Him to meet him.

Who are we to say that this life is ours? God can give life and also take it away. Our life depends on God. Everyday we awake from our sleep is considered a blessing. Many times we or I fail to realise that God is in control of everything. Even ths small things in our life. It is our destiny to live our life for Him and let Him take control of it. I believe if we have reached this place in time, we would experience His blessings. There would be no worries or doubts. Joy, love and peace would fill our hearts. God is good, all the time.

My condolences to Pastor Paul and family. May God comfort you in your time of bereavement and give you peace. God bless

My Thoughts...

During this whole month or so, I have been trying to get myself adjusted with trying to do so much on faith that I had so many things at hand yet am unable to accomplish all of it. I realise then that I needed to concentrate on one thing at a time and try to refocus on the more important things. Therefore, I decided in concentrating on reading the Bible and Daily Bread at the mean time. Besides, my thoughts of starting a journal and continuing to write it in have made little success not because I was lazy but I could not sit down and write all of it. I decided to then concentrate on my blog to jot down my experiences and what has God taugh me each and every day. It would be easier as I would be able to achieve it since I would be online most of the time when I am in campus. I do know that blogs are public and many people would come across it or rather read about it. But I realise that there was nothing to hide about my life and I enjoy sharing whether through blog or in person.

I realised also that at times I am not much of a serious person. Many times when I try to talk serious, I would end up being "kekok" or stone and at times fumble in what I want to say. I am more relaxed in casual conversation and at times, crapping. It feels comfortable. I do know also that at times it would good to sit down and talk about serious especially sharing our experiences, our thoughts or even our personal journey with Him. It would indeed allow us to know more about the person in a deeper way and I guess I am trying to learn to do just that.

A Man After God's Own Heart

I made my way to uni late in the afternoon mainly to hand in my report for my industrial training and to do a little of my FYP project. My mornings were spend by getting the phoneline to my house fix, making a trip to Glad Sounds Taipan for some Christmas shopping (its on SALE) and buying some groceries (food) at Giant Subang.

I began my travel to Taipan and boy, was the traffic horendous. I could not find a parking space at all. Cars were parking behind the parked cars and along the side of the roads where there was an obvious yellow line. I could have easily done that but I was remembered of my experience of getting a summon by the ever so efficient MPPJ, I rather wait for a while rather than go through that hassle again. I finally found one which was quite far away from the place but it was good as I had a chance to see the shops that were around the area.

I made my way to Glad Sounds and was surprised that it was on sale. Great time to search for Christmas items in a Christian bookshop. Initially, I had gone there to find a specific item for a friend of mine but they did not have it. So, I began browsing around the book session to see if I would be able to come across any interesting books. I can't remember the last time I actually went book searching or even bought a book. It was different this time around as I wanted to find something that would speak to my heart at this current point of time. As I browse through the shelf, I came across "A Man After God's Own Heart" by Jim George. My heart began to tingle. This was something I had been praying for God to change me during the past week. I really wanted to know what God's heart really is just like David in the Bible knew about. I grabbed the book though hesistant a little because of the price and that I was not used to buying books. At the end of the day, I had it in a bag and hope to start reading it after finishing my other book. I guess it kind of reminded me about what Pas. Khoo said the day before,

" A man is made by the books he reads and the people he meets."

I wanted to start reading again, especially the Bible and books that would help me in coming to know Him better.

I made my way thereafter to the nearest hypermarket which was Giant to get a few groceries. It was my first time out shopping alone to get things for the house. Normally, it would be with sisters or my mum. It was good to go around the shelf to search for things that I could add to the fridge and at the same time check out the prices for each of these things. I wanted to buy some ham to keep in the fridge for breakfast but found not a single one except those in sealed packages. You can't really find any pork products in Giant, maybe except the ones in can. As time was short, I quickly grab all my stuff and hurried back home stopping by at one of the shops nearby to get a quick lunch. I was then off to campus to get certain things regarding about FYP settled especially obtaining PCs at Intel lab for our project. I got to meet my supervisor as well to go through our project but he did stressed our project solely lies in our hands and it was up to us to make the best of it.

I stayed back to join my CG for dinner. Not all the people were there as some had CC practices to attend to at different times and venue. It was good to see some of the CG people but it was quite a quiet affair and there was not much of a topic to begin with. We then made out way to Poh Yee's place to help out with the door gift. They were all together 400 of these little blue packets that we had to paste, cut, fold and draw. Though it was tedious, it was enjoyable as we laugh ou way through telling stories after stories. It was a good feeling to hang out and fellowship with them. I had made it a point to come back and help put as much as I can in whatever things that needed help with for CC. Hope that being there would encourage them to go all out in making it a success. I believe from this whole thing that we would be close with one another and pray that God would guide us through this whole preparation.

Homeless in Harvard

It was a really exhausting Tuesday for me. I was up at 6am, left my house at 7am, was at prayer at 7.20am, breakfast thereafter, classes at 9am and 1pm, hanging out at the lab and Poh Yee's place (thanks lots) in between, CF Comm meet at 7pm and CF at 10pm. By the time everything was over, I had been out of my home for a duration of 16 and a half hours. My body was already feeling the effects after CF and almost was at the verge of passing out. I had no energy left to even stay awake which was due to fasting and not having dinner. I went home, got myself some crackers and tea, dashed in the toilet for a quick bath and was flat out on my bed thereafter. Boy, what a day!! This would only be my first Tuesday and could not imagine myself going through it every week of this trimester. I can only pray to God for strength and hope I would be able to adapt to this new lifestyle.

I stepped into CF for the first time after almost 3 and half months. Though I had been here a couple of times during my internship, it was merely to visit and to check out on how everything was going on. I really did miss not having CF apart of my Tuesdays itenary during my absence. It did feel good to be back with so many familiar faces. The smile on their faces was enough to make me happy. I was finally back to the place where a huge part of my uni life was apart of.

As I entered the room, I found my place at the back left corner of the room where I would find a place of solitude for me to be in His presence. I was simply in awe of His amazing love as I felt His presence upon me. The songs that were sang and lead by Jia Wern really impacted me and move me to tears. Every word that I sang meant something. I could relate to how great God is or how magnificient He is. There was joy and peace within me to be able to feel His awesome presence. I could not keep my feelings for Him because of my daily experience with Him. Worship had seem different ever since I started spending time with Him. Everytime song that I sang in worship to Him moves me to tears. An awesome experience.

Pastor Khoo Kay Hup, pastor of FGA and Boss's uncle came to speak to us about Priorities. He divided priorities into four quadrants and listed them according to importance and urgency. There was a lot of truth that was said about priorities. Where did mine lie? I can now say that I have place my priorities in God more than anything else. I began to trust Him in every situation that I am in and pray that He will guide me through it. I knew that if I place my trust and hope in God that things will go on accordingly to His plan for my life and I believe that He has my best interest.

He ended the session by showing us a short snipet from the show " Homeless in Harvard" which was recorded from Hallmark. I had seen this movie before but not in its entirety. It was really inspiring to see a girl vision to do her best and excel in her studies despite the hardship that she had to go through and the discouragement that came her way. I realise then that God has a plan for us in life. We should always have the end in mind before making that journey. It would simply help in focusing and not be sidetrack by the many barriers and discouragement that come our way. This was clearly shown when Liz was able to succeed to get an entrance to Harvard despite her family background where her parents were drug addicts and her family was all twisted up. Her best friend even discourage her from taking that chance. She finally made it because she saw the end from the beginning. Truly inspirational.

Living Off The BackBoot

It has been three days since I had started staying outside at my uncle's at Shah Alam. I went back on Sunday and started cleaning up the place, mainly I was in charge to scrub the two toilets while my sis did the wiping and mopping of floor. There was not much to clean as we had clean the week before. However, the floor was still inconsiderably dirty due to the location of the apartment which is near the industrial area and a busy road.

I did not have much sleep on the first night due to me trying to adjust to the new environment. Besides, I would usually be up around 7 in the morning to see my sister off to work. It was hard to sleep back though I tried many times. This could be due to the position of my bed where my head faces the window, allowing the light to penetrate. I guess my body listens to the light. This past few days have been the same and have not been having ample rest as I should. But thank God I managed to go through it without feeling much of the strain and would only feel it when I reached home.

I hope to be able to get back the rest that I need when the weekend comes around the corner. However, I doubt I would be due to Christmas and the many activities that are lined up for this week.

It feels good to have a place of your own. Though I only return home just to sleep. The experience of staying out indeed would teach me what is needed to take care of a house. My previous experience in the hostel only require me to take care of my own space but now I would have to take care of not only the room but also the living hall, toilet and kitchen. Besides, I would have to start paying the bills that comes with having a house. Other than than, I would be making trips to the nearby Giant or Tesco to get my weekly groceries. The good thing about it is I am able to purchase things that I would like to have in my fridge, just in case my stomach rumbles with hunger. I hope to be able to get my hands on some recipe and hopefully wip up some fine dish that would be edible. All of this would definitely train me up to be a good house husband in the future.,I hope.

Other than that, I have also started living off my car. I have a bag of clothes that I would have in my car just in case I feel a sudden need to have a bath to get rid of my body odour or the dripping sweat that stains the skin of my body. Ewww! Though I no longer have a place to rest and bathe, I guess I would be camping in the library or maybe dropping by to some of friends house for a quick nap or shower. Hope they won't mind my presence.

In Went A Sinner, Out Came A Born Again

I was happy to see some of my church members going through baptism especially Eddy Kok and wife, Kim Fei and Shiou Yen. The congregration began to cheer as they went into the pool of water and gave a thunderous applause as they reemerge from the depth of the water. It was simply an experience for them although the water was quite cool. I was reminded of my baptism many years ago and it reminded me of God's sufficient grace to give us new life that we may have eternal life.

Other than that, I was particular touched by the preacher's message today. He was began challenging us to stretch ourselves and prepare for God moving in our life. I began to fill the Holy Spirit come upon me and felt a fiery feeling within. I too am stretching myself and at times it can be painful but I believe the end would be amazing. I believe that God will stretch us at times to a point the pain may seem unbearing. This is to allow of to grow and to totally rely and trust in Him at all times. I cannot fathom the goodness and the greatness of God's amazing love. It is so really amazing. To God be the glory.

Christmas Is Callin You Home

Christmas had started a week earlier at home and I was privilege to have participated in it. I was invited by Esther to join their cell group for "Christmas is Calling You Home". All the cells in my church organise this event to mainly invite their non Christian friends to experience friends together. However, I had not join cell for quite some time due to other commitments and was privilege to have been invited. I went there with my sis.

The cell was mainly made up of youths and teenagers. There was hardly any adults with the exception of three which is Rajan, Esther and Rachel. The rest were mainly 25 years and below. There were around more than 30 people packed in the hall. I certainly had an interesting time there. There were testimonies, games and singing of carols. I was happy to see one of my kindergarden friend, Natalie gave her testimony of how she had become a Christian. She was from a Taoist background but was expose to Christianity and Buddhism. She had also encounters with spirit that would come and talk to her at times. As time when by, she began to question and also search who God really is and soon came to a conclusion that Jesus was the true God. One statement she made during her testimony was "If God says that He is the only God, then He is the only God. If He is not, then its a lie." I too believe that God is real. Not because I believe so but because I experience Him each and every day of my life.

Besides that, we had also a piniata session. A piniata is a game that we usually see the Mexican play when they have to blindfold them and hit the wrapped donkey that contain certain things in it. However, this time around it was not a donkey but something shape like a basket and we could see and hit it. It was really interesting and it was not the first time I had seen it at Esther place. The last time was during her daughter, Tze Ann birthday party. As for food, we had carbonara and David's special chicken dish (I know it has a name but it was too confusing to remember.) It was bacon wrapped in chicken meat covered in break crumbs and parsley and fried. Simply awesome.

The next day, I joined the church for carolling. We travelled the breathe and lenght of Seremban going from house to house to sing carols. There were all together 11 cars and we had to go to 5 houses. In the past, we used to go to around 7 houses and there was once we actually visited a home at Country Heights, Kajang (my most memorable carolling house). Nowdays, visiting 5 enought was already good enought as I was simply drained out mid way the visit. It was probably due to my hectic day out at work which was followed my music practice in church and a hair cut at the saloon. However, I had fun.

I had the oppurtunity to sing solos on a couple of carols and was glad I made it through despite the loads of cold sweet drinks and fried stuff. I was expecting myself to dig into the food and stuff myself with food but I was so tired that I had not much of an appetite. I guess I was conserving my energy for something else. I have always enjoyed carolling because it was once in a year I get to enjoy making a fool of myself. Carols have always been fun and I always try to make it fun and interesting. I began my tricks and rallied some of groupies and we accompanied the some of the songs with some actions by joining hands and swaying from side to side, jumping up and down, lifting our hands and waving around just like you see in concert when they sang a slow number. It was hilarious and funny though I would have wish more to join in this crazy thing.

The most interesting house of the night was Rajiv's house where his family had a party and invited alot of people over. There was a mini band with a electric guitar, a piano and a PA system. Rajiv's mom began belting out some up beat numbers that got me and some of the rest dancing to it. We even accompanied her when she sang "O, Holy Night". I felt so much joy that night and was simply satisfied what a day it had been. It would be a week left to Christmas and I can't wait for it to come.

My Last Few Days at PSS

I haven't been able to post much of my thoughts lately due to hectic schedule. It had been a busy last few days at work where I had to crammed in two days of report writing. It was not enough and had to return back to office the next day, a Saturday to finish up editing and also getting my report printed before I return back to campus on Monday. I seriously found out that report writing is not very easy. The worse part of it was not writing but was the print screen process where I had to cut it out in Paint Shop and then convert them to jpg format before inserting into my report. The report was finally done but I kind of felt bad a little as I could not finish the work completely before I left. I hope that I had at least a month to work on the program codes. However, I did my best and hope the following trainees would be able to understand my work.

It had been a great three and half months at PSS. I had learned alot from the working experience as well as the people who I work alongside with me. They had been friendly and I enjoyed their company throughout my stay. I would miss the break times and lunches we would usually have. Not forgetting hearing about dies, customers complains or ATF breaking down. I will always treasure those time and hope that I would be able to keep in touch with them even I am no longer in PSS anymore. Who knows, I might be joining them in the future.

(Pictures to be uploaded soon...)

A Testimony of God's Mercy

I had quite a bad day yesterday. A sudden feeling of remorse overshadowed me. I started feeling depressed and grief. Thoughts were beginning to fill my mind, building up to unnecessary thinking that had caused me to feel unwanted and distant. I did not understand why such feeling had erupted. It stayed on till the night and realise that I was going through a spiritual attack.

Doubts began to fill my mind. I felt like giving up. There were certain thoughts that came about that felt so right and logic yet my heart felt heavy with it. I could not escape. I felt trapped. My sudden lost of self led me to begin messaging a few sisters to pray for me. I even called one sister to pour my heart out. Thank you for praying and listening.

The feeling had seem to vanish this morning I awoke. I prayed that God would give me strength and that I would be strong the face any attempts from the devil that may come my way in future. I realised that God is real and so is the devil. As I began to nurture and grow in Him daily, the temptations and circumstances that I had to deal with personally became stronger. However, I was thankful that I was going through it. It had make me aware the cunning of nature of the devil who is always on the lurk to devour the faint hearted. I was able to recognise what is of God and what was not.

As I go through this test in life, I realised that they are all part and parcel of God's plan to help mature and build me up so that I would depend on Him and not on my own strength to become more like Him. I realised I have place my trust on myself and other yet forget that God is within and He is the source of my strength. I needed to be strong but I recognise that I could only be if I place my whole trust in Him.

As I go through this journey of rekindling the passion to be intimate with Him, I know that I would face many barriers along the way that may prevent or discourage me from moving towards the Light. I had to spiritually build myself daily to face this challenges. God is real and I have the priviledge of having a first hand account of His greatness.

Good to Have You Back

I met up with a friend yesterday together with Terry. It was to see him though he looked a lot thinner than before. He had returned from Germany after nearly 3 years studying there under the JPA scholarship. However, he could not continue his studies abroad and returned home due to health reasons. He would be entering MMU this coming sem. Terry and myself would only be able to accompany him for a sem out of his 2 years studies here.

Initially, I thought that he would find it hard to adapt once again studying back in Malaysia. However, he seem pretty cool with it. I hope to be able to encourage him in whatever way I can and also introduce him to some people that I know so he would adapt well. It was good to have him back. Another kaki to go out for yam char.

In Need Of His Grace

The joy of the Lord is my strength. I have enjoyed spending time with God during this past month. However, I was not able to spend time with Him during the weekend as I had been busy. I knew that it was not a good reason. It was merely an excuse. Though I had taken time in the car alone to pray to Him, I had not spend time waiting on Him.

The effect was immediate as I realise how subsebtable I was to temptation. I began to feel discourage. I could hear the devil virtually saying, "Give up. You are still going to sin anyway." I knew I will but I desire in my heart to sin less. I could not afford to give in to the deceptions and lies of the devil and sacrifice in becoming more like Him. I knew that I needed Christ all the time as I realise how weak my heart can be. Without Him, I am nothing.

The importance in daily communion with Him is I needed Him everyday in my life. Everyday with Christ keeps the devil away.

Super Sunday

Church was simply awe inspiring for me. God had touched me that I could not hold back the tears within me. It flowed not because I was sad but because I was so blessed to know Jesus. God had spoken to me through pastors message " A Call to Worship". The message was taken from the book of Genesis 22:1-19. It spoke about Abraham leading his beloved son, Isaac to the mountains where he would be sacrificed. Isaac in Hebrew means laughter or happiness.

God tested Abraham by asking Him to sacrifice his beloved son for Him. It was difficult for Abraham to do it but He believed and trusted God. Without a shadow of a doubt, Abraham prepared to sacrifice his son when God interrupted Him and asked Him not to. Abraham succeeded in the test that God had given to him. He had no clue that it was a test until it had came to past. The value of the test will dropped if he knew it was. Abraham had to sacrifice his Issac in order to worship God.

A call to worship is a call to sacrifice. God placed many test in our life and one of it is sacrifice. He wants us to have faith and trust that He is Lord. He knows the best for our life. I began to recall an Isaac in my life. My happiness. Someone I truly like and love.

I knew I had to put aside my happiness as I wanted to obey God and believe His ways. In this past month, I have seen His faithfulness in my life and want to place Him above everything else in my life. My spiritual life has grown and I was enjoying everyday I spend in His presence. I desire to be like Christ. As I obey and trust in Him, I knew his blessings will come and my prayers answers. This is the reason why I worship Him. To God be the Glory.

I travelled to Malacca in the evening to send my sister back to Malacca. She had gone back a week earlier to prepare and practice for the CF Christmas event which would be held during the same week as Cyber Christmas. Just as I was leaving home, I received a very unexpected call from one of my closest friends. I was shocked to have heard his voice and that he was back for good. I decided then to make arrangement to meet him the following day to really catch up.

Malacca have always been a place I hold dearly. I had many memories here especially in MMU Malacca campus where I studied and lived. This historical city had since developed into a triving area. This development is evident as you travel around Bukit Beruang. Buildings can be seen erected at every nook and corner. Apartsments and shops began to fill the area. Every visit would see a new building being built. We had dinner at Amigo (it was not as nice as before) and shopping at Jaya Jusco, my parents favourite stopover before returning back home. A great day indeed.

Satisfying Saturday

I made a trip down to Shah Alam with my mum and sis to clean up the new place that we were due to shift into in a weeks time. Time was limited and the only time that I could spare from work was during the weekends. As I began to drive down, there was a stiring in my spirit for something that I had asked God about. It was my concern about the CF in particular and what was my role in it. I began to see a picture in my mind of what I could contribute and how I could encourage others in the CF as well.

God began to show me the CF as a body that is comprise of many parts. Each of these parts had different roles to play. However, I began to see each of these parts breaking away from the body and functioning in their own way. The body was soon diminishing and all that were left were body parts.

I asked God in my heart what I could do. In that instance, God had given me a strong desire to see that this body returns to shape. I knew then that we needed to regroup and refocus on our vision so that each and every part of the body would be able to have a similar vision in their heart. I submitted my life before Him and asked Him to use me. Just then, the song in the background began to play...

You can use anything, Lord
You can use me
You can use anything, Lord
You can use me
Take my hands, Lord
And my feet
Touch my heart, Lord
Speak to me
You can use anything, Lord
You can use me

I felt Him in my midst there and then.

We had lunch at one of the nearby shops before going to the apartment. I saw many people lining up at a particular stall that required self service. Everyone was waiting eagerly for the stall's speciality. "Chi Sau Tong" or Pork Intestines Soup that came with rice. I added a side dish of "Chi Sau" or "Pork Meat" that came with an egg as well. It was simply mouth watering and the dish could easily serve for two, with an additional rice.

With a stomach laden with food, we made our way to the apartment for some spring cleaning. There was indeed a lot of the dust. This was due to the apartment location which was situated nearby a main road and construction site. There was even a layer of black dust at the window still. We manage to to clean the 3 rooms and the hall but left the toilet and kitchen to next week as my sister and I had to be in church by 7.30pm for carolling practice.

We made our way to church thereafter after a quick bath and skipping dinner. Unfortunately, things had already started when we reached there so I knew I was late. Most of the people who had gathered there were mainly youth. However, Uncle Eddy and his wife seem to stand out from the rest as they were the only married couple there. We went through 2 sets of songs and I was caught on many accounts to sing solo and accompany another person. As a bass, it was quite scary to sing solos especially when the pitch gets a bit to high to apoint that my voice could be clearly distinctive to have cracked.

Carolling have always been fun especially going from one house to another singing carols and also indulging in the array of food laid out by the host. It seems to give life to the meaning of Christmas. As an Agapean, it was quite obvious that the meaning of Christmas could be clearly heard a few blocks away considering our loud chatters and laughter. It had been accustomed noise to Agapeans. I guess many of you would know now where I get my traits from.

Christmas would be soon be celebrated in a 2 weeks times. I am totally looking forward to it. Family reunions, gift exhange, carols, fun, laughter and not forgetting loads of food. It is always the time of season where many of us feel very happy. Besides that, it was also the time of the year when we realise a year had pass by so very quickly and a new year awaits us in a weeks time. I have some wishes and promises to make this Christmas as I began to look back and reflect what a year it has been. There would be a week left for me to ponder upon the future and what I wanted to do and could do. I thank God for such a good year despite the many things that had happened and knew that this experiences had allowed me grow and mature.

Fiery Friday

The alarm bell sounded. It was 5 o clock. I did not know what was going on, only to see many people taking a leave from their workplace as they made their way out. I follow in pursuit. It was an emergency fire drill.

As the doors were open to the carpark, I saw a big cloud of smoke bellowing in the air. Visibility was bad. They had place a bin at the carpark where they burn rubber to simulate a fiery fire. We made our way to a corner of the carpark. In soon came to my knowledge the function of this place after passing through this place every week. People were slowly coming out from the building. The techs and operators who were still dressed in their smog and shoes adorned their feet with a blue plastic bag. It seem to strike out from the rest.

After a brief 20 minutes, we soon made our way back to our respective workplace. It would only be a few minutes left before we return to the same place to return home. I gave a lift to two of my collegues, Long and Sugu to the bus station and KTM respectively. Long going back to Malacca to visit his girlfriend while Sugu did his ritual visit to his brother's in Kajang. This were the little thing that I could do for them as I end my second last week at PSS.

I made appointment with my good friend, Terry for a drink at night after watching my Korean drama and a portion of Kickstart. We met at a mamak stall near his place and sat down to catch up on things. It was quite common for the two of us to hang out together. He began to share his attempts over the radio, hoping to beat the other contestants in order to obtain the much prized U2 Ipod. On the other hand, I began to share my last week of training and also about the concerns of the CF.

I was pretty much concern in many aspect of the CF especially Cyber Christmas that was taking place. Terry is the Head of the Cyber Christmas and I wanted to know more about what was going on. There were many things that were still in progress that had cause a concern especially when we were 3 weeks away from the actual event day. I had been praying for Cyber Christmas and the CF for the couple of weeks. As much as I was concern about it, I knew that I could only pray that God will intervene in the midst of our uncertainties and turn things around for the better. Besides that, I hope to lend my hand in areas that is in need of help.

Open About My Faith

I had a very interesting conversation with the Mr. Azmi, the Section Manager for Process Engineering. He came towards my cubicle as I was reading Acts 14-15.

"Acts?" he scratched his face.
"Are you a Christian?" he asked.
"Yes, I am." I answered.
"Which denomination are you? Catholic, Protestant,..." he asked again.
"Protestant." I answered.

Our conversation soon brought us into religion and life that lasted for more than half and hour. He began to tell me that he had visited a Presbyterian Church before while he was in the states studying. The place that he was studying at, which was Texas was known to have a religious community. His university itself had in its compound 7 churches. I stared in him in amazement. Besides that, he even has a bible at home. I was even more amazed.

Our conversation from religion soon turn about life. I began asking him of his experience as an engineer as I wanted to know more of what I will be going into in the future. It seems like money has been an issue for people to work. We work so we could have the money to have roof over our heads and food on the table. At times, we get so absorb in our work that we forget the most important thing in life. Life was more than that. He shared to me about his working life and how he decided to leave his high paying job in Motorola to return to his kampung in Kelantan where he work for GM Motors who a lesser wage. He had receive many counter offers but decided to return so as to be closer to his parents. It was hard to visit his parents one every year. He did not want to feel the regret of not making the effort of visiting them more often after they passaway. After working for so long, he knew that life was more than just work and I was priviledge to hear his life story.

It did not occur to me that I could have a conversation with him at all after entering PSS. The first impression I received was unfriendly as he would not smile or grin whenever I passed him. Now, I actually enjoy having a conversation with him. It was never about work but more of a heart to heart, man to man conversation. I have come to respect a man like him as he is always seeking for knowledge and ready to learn, most of the time self thought. He knows about web designing, web programming and programming such as C++, Java and Perl. He shared to me about how he manage to come up with a simulation for his previous company that uses Laplace Transform and Fourier Series. I was like...WOW! Besides, he would be taking his final semester papers for MBA from Open University Malaysia (OUM) next week.

From this conversation. I came to realise many things. I did not feel afraid to acknowledge myself as a Christian. Reading the bible in office had open many doors of sharing about my faith. The bible had become my friend and kept my thoughts at bay. I realise also that many people are open to the Word. The question is wherether we are ready to provide an answer or share our faith when the oppurtunity arises. Oppurtunity come and go all the time. Am I ready to seize if for Him?

Uncovering Gifts

Speaking of Korean drama, the episode that was shown yesterday was simply awe inspiring. I was captivated by the wisdom shown by the head of the kitchen, Mrs Zheng when she decided to stepped down from her post due to pressure from the higher attority. She was invited to stand before the emperor and told of her decision to step down. The emperor was hesistant at first but due to her illness, she had to leave. However being a just woman, she decided to place a request before the emperor. She had in mind two candidates for her post, Mrs Choi and Mrs Han. Her request was to have a competition so that they may be able to battle out in cooking to see who was better. The winner would then become the head of the kitchen while the loser had to leave the compounds of the palace which is according to custom. Her decision to do this was to appoint a person fairly based on her cooking skill and also to prevent the wrong people with alterior motive to stand as head of kitchen.

Each contestant were allowed to choose a helper. Mrs Choi chose Jin Ying while Mrs Han chose Changjin. However, there was a problem. Changjin had lost her sense of taste after tasting the soup that was drank by the prince who got ill thereafter in order to find the cure. There was not much of a cure for her. All the medicine man that she saw could only ask her to wait for time to heal. She was discouraged and lost all hope.

Mrs Han continued encouraging her and told her not to give up. She mention that to be a cook, you need two very important characteristics. One was the sense of taste. Mrs Choi, Jinying and herself had that characteristics. However, there was another characteristics and it was the sense of providing alternative methods or ingredient to match a taste. This she found in Changjin alone. It was a gift. Therefore, Mrs Han needed her very much as their combine effort would only allow them to win the competition. Mrs Han then challenge her to prepare two dishes without tasting it but asked her to use her ability to taste. Her effort soon paid off and she succeeded. It was certainly a moral boost for Changjin. She would not have realise it if Mrs Han did not encourage her continously in realising her gift and potential. Even if she had a defect, she could still suceed.

I was captivated by the message that was brought across that short episode. Leaders or elders had a role in mentoring the young ones. It is so crucial for us as leaders or elders to spot the strength of one person and help build him or her up naturally to realise her gift and potential. Though at times we feel so insecure with out handicap or weaknesses, it should not stop of us from succeeding and we should not give up. Its takes the effort one someone to realise the potential of another. I could not help but reflect myself as a leader in the CF. How often have I encourage someone whom I felt could be capable of something? I knew and seen alot of people from CF who were gifted in certain things, be it character or skill. It did occur to me then the reason why CF always have a problem with manpower and seeing the same people doing so many things. I realise that it is very important to encourage and train the young ones especially in the CF. Time is running out. Can I encourage someone that I know?

Korean Drama Invasion

Korean dramas has created a storm among Asians viewer as they sit in front of the television every day. The following is so huge that Korean language classes are being offered in Japan. Throngs of people visit Korea every day to catch a glimpse of the location where dramas such as "Winter Sonata" was shot. There was also a stampede in Japan where a few woman were hurt when a famous Korean celebrity stopped by for a promotional visit. The Korean movie industry is indeed booming. I too can say that I am a victim of the Korean Drama Invasion.

I have recently began to follow a new Korean Drama called "Jewel in the Palace." It would be my second Korean movie that I have followed during my internship. The story revolve around a girl who intended to work as a palace waiter in hopes to become the head of the kitchen. The reason why I like the show is because it revolve around food preparation. Waiters are trained to prepare the necessay ingredient and also learn the different types of dishes which are fit for the emperor. Besides that, there is also alot of political issues that revolves around the palaca officials and those in the higher ranks. Other than that, the actress are very pretty with deep and beautiful features. One of my favourite is Lee Young Ae who reprise the role of Changjin. I could not believe when I made a search over the net and discovered that she is much older than she looks.

The other thing I like about the show is the Korean costumes which are colourful yet proper. The clothes are baggy and they cover from top to bottom without showing any flesh or cellulite of the person wearing it. Simply elegant. I hope to find out what the Korean costumes is called. It seems that I have always taken a liking for tradisional Asian woman costumes. There are beautiful, neat and elegant yet do not expose much flesh. Besides that, I like detail and intricate design that are woven in the costumes. My favourite include the baju kebaya Melayu, baju Kebaya Nyonya, cheongsam, qingpau and the tradional costume of Vietnam (not sure what its called.) It does show that woman can look beautiful without the need of exposure.

Designs and Celebrity

I was down in KL with my family. We were on our way to Ikea and Ikano Power Centre to take a look at some furnitures that we on display. The though of finding for furnitures would ultimately bring Ikea to mind. Ikea has certainly created a successful brand awareness that the public could associate with.

Before reaching there, we stopped by in Shah Alam momentarily to look at my uncle's place that my sister and I would be staying next semester. It had been empty for quite some time and we decided to shift in as we had only one semester left. After spending nearly four and a laf years staying in hostel, I would be staying out for the first time. I had much memories staying in hostel. Getting up late and still be able to make it to class on time. Distance and transportation was not an issue. It was simply convenient.

Some may wonder at my decision to shift out since I would only have one semester. I guess a change of environment is good. Besides, I would had to start cultivating good habits from now onwards. I had to plan my time nicely, wake up early and leave the house at an appropriate time. There would be no free connection and I would need to use dial-up to get online. It would take me some time to get used with this new lifestyle but I find it quite interesting.

After surveying and having in mind the arrangement of the apartment, we made our way to Ikano before heading down to Ikea. I had always taken a liking for interior design, not forgetting architecture. Designing space and filling it with funritures, decorations and apparels seems to excite me alot. With the new place, it would be my first attempt for a makeover. We did not buy much from Ikea but merely look around for ideas to decorate our new place. Interior is nice to see but it not cheap and involve a hefty sum that may be not pleasing to the pocket. I needed to have a plan and a budget before I begin this little project. I always believe that good interior decorators are the ones who are able to transform the house into a beautiful piece of work with a limited budget.

As we left Ikea in our car, I spotted a very familiar face coming out from the doors into the car park. She look very familiar but I was not sure whether she is what I had in mind until I saw her closeup. I had seen Janet Khoo in person. In my opinion, she is one of the most attractive Malaysian celebrity. Her credentials includes being the few Chinese actress involve in Malay teledrama and movies. Her recent featured length movie was "Paloh". I was awestruck and began telling my sisters and parents about her. However, they were less excited than I was.

Many of us would usually careless of our local celebrities. Instead, we know more of those in the international scene. My sisters and I had come to know local celebrities be it actors and actresses, models or art performers from television and newspapers. We could easily spot a local celebrity in a crowd. I guess local celebrities are very fortunate and are able to walk in the street without being notice. This is comparatively different in the overseas when paparazzi follow their every move hoping to snap the best picture of them in public.

Backbiting, For Real

I had notice a common trait in the working environment during my internship. Backbiting. It was common to hear someone talking about someone else without the person knowing it. Collegues backbite collegues, collegues backbite manager. Yet, they are able to act in front of each other like good friends without knowing someone has been talking bad about you. There is a tendency to listen and also to comment. Such involvement in backbitting would only caused strain and effect working relation with that person. This is one area that we should be aware of because it happens. However, we as Christian should have a different perspective on it and should always compliment their strength rather than bring up their weaknesses. This is something I observed during my short working experience.

The Last Of The Needles

Last Tuesday, I came in late for work as I had a monthly appointment with the dermatologist (skin specialist). It would be my last visit for my treatment. I would visit the hospital every other month to receive injection for my kyloid (not sure how it is spelt). Kyloids are lump that appear on the body due to hardened pust due to achne. I had a couple of them on my chest.

My treatment would include injecting the kyloid to level it. My constant visit had caused it to level with the skin surface. There was not much use to continue with the injection and the chief male nurse attending to me make me an appointment next February for observation of my achne. However, the scars remained. It is not a sight to behold.

Achne had been a major part part of my life ever since I had chicken pokes in Form Two until today. Some says its puberty due to the raging hormones. Others would feel that my intake of food had to have something to it. My guess was because I had an oily face them seem to be the best place for germs to reside.

I had always wish for flawless skin when I look in the mirror but I only saw a scarred face. Besides that, I would be shy to even see myself half naked in public due to my scars unlike many who dispplayed flawless skin with abs amounting to six packs. I have learned to accept my predicament from a very young age. Appearance never seem to bother me than much. Just hoping that my daily application of creams for achne will help improve my condition and I would not have to deal with pust and blood oozing out from my pores. Guess, I did not finish my food when I was little and am facing the consequences from it just like the old Chinese superstition would say.

It Is By God's Grace, I Have A Relationship With Him

I began to realise that God has been so real to me. As I spend time to speak with Him and to learn more about Him, I realise the wealth of wisdom that He has so graciously imparted to me. I have learn so much that I could not afford to forget any of these lessons.

In the last chapter of "Purpose Drive Life", the author enouraged us to write down the lessons that we have learned. I felt the importance of doing so as I wanted to record my daily experience which I had learned. The Bible exist because someone took time to write down their experience so that we may be able to learn from them. I too wanted to have a record that would remind me if I stumble in my faith and hope my life testimony would bless others as well.

As a result, I started on a personal journal yesterday. A journal that I would enter lessons learned, my spiritual journey and to reflect on where I am at in this point of life. This was not my first attempt to keep a journal. My previous attempt only lasted for a few days before I soon forgot abotu it.

I hope to take some time each day before I sleep to jot down my experience, spend time reading His word and praying. In the past month, I had done just that but I wanted to commit myself in making it a habit. This would mean giving up watching late night shows on TV.

It is simply exciting when you find the passion for His word. I await everyday to spend time with Him. As I began this journey, I realise that "It is not by might, nor by power but by the Spirit." I knew it was God's grace that I am able to experience this relationship with Him and await the day that I would be intimate with Him.

Reading

My sudden interest in reading the Word of God had caused a ripple affect. I was beginning to enjoy reading. It was quite common for me to find it difficult to finish a book, more so Christian literature. I was more accustomed with short articles that did not require long hours to finish. However, that all change when I finish re-reading Joshua Harris "Not Even A Hint" in 3 days. Some may think that that is a similingly easy task to accomplish as the book is not that very thick and coult be finish in a day for some. For me, I only read it when my mind could not think further and took breaks in between to read a passage or two. I was excited when I finish. Not merely excited that I had finish a book in 3 days but because I had learn much more from re-reading it.

I am now embarking on reading a book that had been given by a friend that I had failed to complete. It had taken me months to finish but I decided to finish it as soon as possible this time. It was a book called "Courageous Leadership" by Bill Hybels. I remember sharing it with the previous committee about my reading of the first chapter. That was the last chapter I ever read from the book. I hope to share with the current committee of my reading once I finish reading it.

I realise that I had not invest much of my time and finances reading God's work and other Christian materials. In the coming year, I hope to inculcate a habit of reading God's Word as I wanted to know Christ in a more deeper way and have a relationship with Him. I know for now that if I put my faith in Him, He will surely guide me in my life. All I wanted now was to live for Him and put Him first in everything that I do.

Walk Thru

On 30th of November, I embarked on a journey that would take me 30 days to go through the Old Testament. My first day had to deal with reading about the Creation from Genesis 1-3. One of the interesting about reading this 3 chapters was regarding about the role that God had given to both man and woman after they had disobeyed God by eating the forbidden fruit. It was then that God punish both man and woman. Man would no longer had the priviledge of eating from thr furits that were provided but needed to work the land in order to eat. Woman would suffer in conception during child birth, their desire to their husbands and husbands will rule over their wife. God had given roles to both man and woman in order to live.

My journey to the Old Testament was shortlife as I had not continued from then after. It was not because I had given up that very quickly but because I was distracted or excited reading another portion of the scripture. Before I had embark on this journey, I was reading the New Testament. I was literally hooked on reading what was written and manage to finish the book of John and started on the Book of Acts. It was so interesting that I had taken some time of from work especially when my mind could not think further to read the Word. One of my collegue who happened to see me reading the Bible was surprised as this was the first time he saw anyone read the Bible in public. I was honoured to have been seen but there was still some shyness in me about it. I hope that as I begin to read the Word that I would be proud to read it and be bold enough to say, "Yes, I am reading the Bible. It is the best book I have read."

As I began to read the book of John, I understood why the Bible was called the Book of Life. The bible is not just a book that spoke about God, it is a collection of experience that that various people experience in their life before, during and after Christ. These were the stories of how different people from different background experience God. Many of them had similar problems and difficulties that were similar to problems and difficulties that we have. Though most of this had happened many thousand years ago, the problems and difficulties were similar in nature. That is why we have often been encouraged to look into Word if we are confused or faced tough struggles in life. However, the Bible i not a book where we can pick and search for out problems and try to follow the ways of those who had gone through it. God have a definite way of dealing with us in a special way. That is why we have come to understand that God is personal with each one of us.

The other expect I had gatherered from reading John was about Christ. I had come to realise that Jesus came down to earth not merely to save our sins but to give us an example how we could have a relationship with the Almighty God. Jesus constantly showed that He had always depended on God in whatever situation it may be. One good example is to be crucified on the Cross. Jesus questioned God but obeyed knowing that it is God's will and He obeyed Him with a willing heart. He showed the perfect example of what it meant by dying to self, living for God. His obedience and sacrifice caused many to believe that God wanted to have a relationship with us. I understood about the Trinity a little bit more. I had questioned before how could 3 different being be called as One. The answer was obvious. They had a relationship. The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost.