Friday, January 28, 2005

I Am God

Psalm 46

For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A song.
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

8 Come and see the works of the LORD ,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah


This was the psalm that we went through during our bible study. She brought about a picture of the recent tsunami disaster that struck and the relation to this psalm. I Am God. This was the title I chose for this psalm. I am God. What does that mean? In the midst of the circumstances that we faced even during times of disaster, many will question the reality of God.


Why did God caused this to happened? Why did He had to take away so many lives? If He is God, does He have any compasion?



Many question surrounds the heart of many pertaining to the existence of God.

Questions? Did I have any? Was I affected by the recent natural disaster?


I can say honestly that I was shocked the distruction that it had caused the countries affected and the many who lost their home and love ones. It was a sad occasion I must admit. However, it had little affect over it. I was not affected by it. Its true that I did not feel the impact as great as those who were there because it did not affected. I opened my wallet and take out a big piece of notes with the intention of helping those who were affected by it. It is a good intention. However, was I giving to lessen the burden of me being apart of it?


I guess I do not see myself questioning that often. I just believe that God is in control and that He knows my life and my future. The moment of question only arise when it concerns me. When I am hurting, when I am in pain, when I am lost without any solutions. It is when it concerns me that I am questioning God.


A thought struck me during the bible study when Annette spoke about complacency and wrestling with God. I have come to know many people including myself easily caught up with the idea of "It is God's will.", "God is in control.", "He knows everything and I believe in Him." or "I surrender my life to Him." I call this faith which I believe it is important. However, I realise even for myself that sometimes it becomes too excessive that we stop questioning God. We stop wrestling with God. We become complacent. I realise that this is dangerous as we become too comfortable in submission to a point we stop growing.


I remember the time when I was deeply depressed. During this time, I was questioning God,


"Why is this happening to me?", "What happened to that relationship?","Why am I feeling so much pain in my heart?"


At that point of questioning, I realise I began to depend on God for answers. I do not know for sure if the answers came but I felt a renewed feeling, something I had never felt for a long time during my prayer and reading of His word. It became something personal. I was wrestling with Him and this had elevated my faith termedously.


Right now, these questioning has somehow subsided. There isn't any need for question because it did not concern me. The effect? I realise that my level of faith had stagnant. What was missing? Was I not questioning God enough? Was I not wrestling with Him when I should? I ponder upon this. I hope I do not stop questioning because question does reaffirm our faith in Christ. However, an excessive amount of questioning may also lead me away. Where do I strike the balance? Where do I draw the line? What is the essence of my faith in Him that would never allow me to question and keep rooted in Him?


I am still humbly learning...

Makeover

In this past week, I had been spotted my difference in my outlook. Well, I haven't gone to the extreme of having my ears pierce or my hair dyed blonde (which I would not do both because I don't like it and my parents would definitely kill me if I did it). Anyway, I changed my glasses. Nothing abnormal about it you might ask but it was a big leap of change for me. I wanted a change.

There were many response to my sudden change of appeal. Some like my new glasses, others thought my old one was better. Some thought I look like some cartoon character (The Incrediables), others thought I looked like a racoon (visually acceptable). Some thought I was the king of the Ah Bengs, others didn't even notice. I guess its interesting to hear the comments of everyone and the comment vary quite alot. I understand the people who were going through the respond slip for Cyber Christmas were feeling. There is never a common agreement or a similar opinion about something and that makes it interesting. Most importantly, I believe that I feel comfortable with my new outlook and hope to change in certain areas of my physical appearance. I guess the next would be more my dressing if I can. Not being vain here but just being comfortable with who I am and I guess how you look or dress does give an image of confident to people who look at you.

I used not to believe that outward appearance is not importance and its the heart that matter. However, I come to realise that how you project yourself outward by the way you carry yourself and the way you dress reflect a certain amount of identity about one self. Who am I? I am still getting to know myself better and what God has made me be.

*** Pictures are currently unavailable due to a sudden outbust of pimples and will be out soon. Guess, I need to get back on my medication for my achne when I meet the dematologist on Monday. Sigh...***

Catching Up, Keeping In Touch

I was speaking to my sister the other day about people that we would like to catch up and keep in touch. Most of the people that we were refering to were mainly our seniors whom we have not seen for quite some time. It was hard to meet up let alone make an appointment with them due to their busy schedules of work and also church. We plan to meet up with some of them hopefully for dinner before the Chinese New Year mainly to catch up and keep in touch.

During this semester, I have been putting some effort in catching up with some people that I know. It may be a graduates syndrome but I wanted to meet up with some of them before I graduate and become to overly absorbed in my work that I do not have time to catch up with them. I wish I could catch up with everyone that I had come to know during my time in MMU but I believe it is quite imposible considering the reality of doing so. Therefore, I have narrow down to certain group of people that I would like to keep in touch in thefuture and also to know them a little bit more.

However, the idea of catching up and keeping in touch can be difficult at times. Many times I try to arrange a time to meet up with some people for lunch or dinner, the plans never seem to take place. At times, you feel frustrated at times even when you take the initiative to do. In this time, I notice two responses to this. Either the person you are calling would initiate to meet or the person would wait for you to make that initiative again. It gives me great joy to have the previous as there is a mutual need to keep in touch rather than one making the initiative alone. Sometimes I wonder whom should I keep in touch. Different people came to mind. People whom I know I would be able to continue to build on the friendship that we have and mutually wanting to continue that friendship.

In my lifetime, I have met many people. People whom I had grown close to, people whom I had grown away from. As we go through life, we meet and encounter different people in our life. People who encourage and influence us to become who we really are. I have grown to appreciate those people and am willing to take the initiative to keep in touch with them. There are many times when circumstances arise that it is sometimes hard to be close with one another. Distance, difference places of work, different priorities in life and different views in frienship. We all grow and sometimes growing up can means growing away from one another because of these differences. Do I consider these differences in order to keep in touch? Its hard to decide but all I know I have a group of people I truly would love to keep in touch with and hope that by doing so, the friendship that we have with one another will grow by leaps and bounds. If you are someone I am taking initiative in keeping in touch with, I am doing so because you are special in my life and I appreciate you. Friends forever!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Compromise

This topic have been running through my mind for a couple of weeks. It was quite surprising that Pastor Brian brought it up again during his speaking on Tuesday night CF. The other times that it was brought to my mind was during one of my church members wedding and during the election committee meeting. I did feel it was speaking to me about areas in which I had or am compromising on.

One of the areas that is so vivid when it comes to comprising is our lifestyle. The issue of drinking seem to struck me. I am not a drinker by nature but have a liking for wine in particular. It is the quiet taste of it that seem to bring about a desire of drinking whenever the oppurtunity arises. The last time I had this oppurtunity was during my church members wedding. There was a cocktail party before the dinner where free flow of soft drinks, wine and beer was served. I did not hesistate to have a glass since the waiter was going around offering everyone. I had a glass of wine and soon ended up having another at the table. It may be nothing as I was drinking to get drunk. Logically, I was right. Besides, many of those from my church who were at my table had a glass as well. Some even had glasses of beer on the table. It seems harmless as neither of us wanted to drink and get drunk.

However, I realised something. I notice the two tables that were beside had comprise of fellow friends of the bridegroom who were from the brethen church. I notice their glasses. They were all filled with either tea or soft drinks. Not a single glass of alcohol. I felt guilt over me. Had I compromise by drinking with the reasoning that I was not going to get drunk?

The habit of compromise is evident in every society even among Christians like myself. We go about doing everything that we aren't suppose to and reassuring ourselves with reasons that sound logically sound to a point it project innocence. However, we have already taken a step of ignorance. Worse of all we comfort ourselves with reasons like, "I drink but I don't get drunk." or "I go to clubs because I like to dance." At that point of time, Pastor Brian message seems relevant.

Christians have always been uphold by the general public as a set of people with a difference. Many times we choose to ignore our difference in society and comform to the world. We do almost everything under the sun just like everyone around us. A slightest indulgence caused us to be in the spot light. People notice our behaviour and lifestyle. There is much hoo-haa going on about a Christian drinking, a Christian clubbing or even a Christian signing attendance for a friend. Why are we notice? Because we are different. The difference is because we have Christ.

One of the area that I had compromise this week had been my spiritual walk. I had not been able to spend time in reading of His word and seeking Him. It is not because I do not have the time but laziness had crept into my soul. I would prefer to go to sleep, read the newspaper or even watch TV. I had compromise on my relationship with Him. Though in my heart I knew that God is always beside me and He loves me no matter what I do or say, I had taken Him for granted and compromise on my walk with Him this week. What am I to do? I need to repent and draw closer to Him again.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Thoughts on Mission

On Monday, I joined my sis for dinner together with her fellow ex-mission team. They had decided to meet up at Talipon Kelana Jaya for a reunion as Pastor Paul Landing was in KL at that time. We arrived there around 7.40pm and some of the people were already there such as Chris, Kevin, Katherine, Siew Yee, Szu Li, Jane'nette, Lilian and Niger. Ian and Leo came then after to join us. I was then introduced to four new faces which were Pastor Paul, Pastor Along and two others pastors whom I can't remember their names.

It was great time of fellowship and getting to know the pastors over BBQ steamboat. One of the pastors who pastor a church in USJ sat the nearest to me. He began to share about his ministry and where he was from. The pastors comes from Luang Bawang tribe near the Bakelan area. It is situated at the border of Sabah, Indonesia and Brunei. This is the place that is most vividly remembered as the place where Dr. Judson Tugal's helicopter crash. Besides that, it is also remembered as the place where revival broke out a few years ago. However, the signs and wonders that they used to see here has yet to happen again but the people are constantly praying for it.

He began to share to us the cries of the people there towards the younger generation of that area. Many of them tend to spend their time aimlessly doing nothing after completing their Form 5 education. They would normally wander to the nearby town or city instead of staying back to toil the land. Many people are concern about the future of this kids but yet do not know what to do. Government agencies and ministers have come to give aid but it is not sufficient to help change the mentality of the youths there. He encourage us that if we have the time to come and visit the place so as to give motivation and encouragement to the youths there.

I was deep in thought and that point of time. There have been plans for the previous team to return to Sarawak mainly to follow up on their work there. It seem like a good oppurtunity for them to go for it. I was excited and wanted to be apart of their team if they decide to go to Bakelan. However, other things such as mission trip to Acheh looms my mind. The experience would be good but I still had no desire to go for it. My parents had expressed their concern over it and had adviced against it. I still need to pray about it but my heart seem to lean towards Sarawak. Maybe because it relates to youths and the younger generation, something I personally like to be involved and have the passion for.

It was a good fellowship with all of them that night. The pastors were really friendly and enjoyed their company alot. I hope to continue to keep in touch with them and see that one day we be able to work together in the future.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Picking Apples

Apples? It seem to be the theme for me during the past weekend. I was shocked to see an Apple when my parents came down to KL after visiting my uncle. Its small and cute. "Hint Hint". To be revealed later. Anyway, I was totally speechless and thank God for His blessings again.

During the weekend, my Auntie Carol came down during the weekend with the kids and her good friend, Auntie Anne from NZ. Auntie Pam came over to my grandparents place and we had lunch together with my family as well. I was suppose to head down to Malacca with Daniel and Esther to join the church youths who were there on their retreat but had to tell Daniel that morning that I couldn't make it. Well, I guess I did miss the excitement and fun they had over there but I was fortunate not to miss my grandma's Buah Keluak, my favourite dish.

While we were all sitting around before lunch, Auntie Anne began telling us a little of the life in NZ. She had been over there for about a year and half and was settling in well. When she realise that my sister and I were graduating soon, she quickly recommended us to go to NZ. It seems a little expensive to think about a holiday in NZ but she suggested that we could work there first before going on a backpacking journey around NZ. Apparently the NZ government have a memorendum of understanding between the Malaysian government that allows people below the age of 30 to stay in the country as long as nine months. It also requires allows one to come back after nine months as well. During this period of time, one can work in the fruit orchards.

It may be hard labour considering one spending an approximately nine hours a day plucking apples, berries or grapes but the income from it is worth it. Imagine getting paid $10 per hour that would amount to $90 a day, $ 540 for 6 days per week and $ 2160 per month. By converting it to Malaysian ringgit since NZ dolar is around 2.8 or 3, it would amont to almost RM6480 per month. The figures is amazing. Besides, there even provide food and shelter while you work there.

There have been plans to go on holiday after I graduate. I have been always wanted to tour East Malaysia that includes Sabah and Sarawak for about a month. One of the reasons that I want to go is to attend the annual Rainforest Festival in Kuching which is approaching its eighth year. There were even some plans to visit some of the small villages in the interior where the previous mission trip had been. Besides that, my friends also invited me to backpack in China. Other than that, there is IF camp which I plan to go and also mission trip which I can't decide to go at this moment. So many places to go, so many decisions to make in which place to choose and so much money that it would incur if I am going for all which I doubt I would be able to even if I wanted to. However, I still have the idea of going to NZ to pick apples which seem pretty interesting to me and another area I could consider as well.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Cyber Christmas and Night Of Celebration

It has almost two weeks since this two big events had happened and I would be one of the last that would still be commenting on it. But its better late than never. Well, what can I say. I have been extremely blessed to be apart of these two events that both Cyberjaya and Malacca CF have succesfully put up. My greatest joy was not about the event itself but the fact that God was with us all the time from the moment plans were made to the execution of it and finally the day itself. God had watched over us. Eventhough things may seem realisticly unachievable, God had made it perfect.

I had apart to play for my last Cyber Christmas. Initially, I was not involve in anything due to my industrial training and decided to help out in the ushering. However, I was given the oppurtunity by the CC committees to become the MC for the night. I knew I could not do it alone and decided to rope in Leona. However, she had pretty alot of things at hand already considering the dance and also singing. My next victim would be Jane and I think it went alright, minus the lameness at times. It was pretty fun to be infront of the crowd and coordinating the event though I wish at times I could see them from where I stood. One of the most interesting time was giving out the freebies. It feels good to give out free things to people. Thanks to our sponsors from Opps Asia and Nestle that we were able to do so.

Other than that, I was helping around here and there in the exhibition, cafe and other things that required help. It was good to be among the fellow CFers who all came together to make this whole Cyber Christmas a success. During this time, I also got to mingle with people that I do not have the oppurtunity to mix and also got to know them a little better. However, the best of all was getting to know new people along the way from the night event to the exhibition and the cafe. I met a guy during cafe whom I enjoyed talking with. He was really open and really excited that we had this kind of things. It was good to see people of different faith and race coming together and getting to know one another. I was really excited to hear this from him. Besides, this was coming from a Malay guy. I guess events like this does open doors for people to get a glimpse of Christians in action.

During this whole event, I noticed alot of outstanding people in CF. It was not those high profile and happening people that we usually see but people who were there helping out in any small thing that they could. I was pretty impress to see them and utterly happy to see such servanthood. Initially, some of us in the CF were quite worried about where the CF will go in the future especially when we as seniors leave. There were not many prominent leaders in our midst and even if they were, it was only a handful. I truly thank God that many have arise from their shadows. He was showing to us the potentials that some of our CF members have. I believe that God was telling us not to worry and that He is in control. All we have to do is trust in Him and He will provide.

After the night event in Cyber, a group of us paid a visit to our fellow Malacca counterpart who were also having a Christmas event as well. As I entered the main hall, I was in disbelieve to see all the high tech stuff that they had. Initially I thought that MMU had been given a big budget to spend on their lightings. However, I was then told that the company that provided the sound system for the night actually have them all this high tech stuff. It ranges from synchonize automated lightings to cool looking mikes and a confetti machine. I was dumbfounded. The play lasted for almost more than two hours, one of the more lengthy presentation I have seen. I could see that there was much effort put into it and I truly enjoyed the whole evening.

As I began to compared both sides, I realised a similiarity between both campuses. It was something I had prayed for before it all started and I guess my prayers were answered. I was very happy to hear the name of Jesus so evidently proclaimed for the very first time in MMU. During the past year, we have always been weary and scared to say Jesus in our plays and we come up with various ways to present His name indirectly. Many times I realise, the message did not get through and it would seem like just another play. But, I was very happy to see the Flash presentation that both Chern Liang and Jia Vern put up and also the message from the NOC story that evidently proclaim the name of Jesus among a few hundred to a thousand MMU students. I was like, "WOW", "Praise God". It true that we do not need to be afraid in proclaiming God's name. At the end of the day, we see the results. Everything went smoothly and many were touched by the story that was presented. God is speaking, are we listening? Besides that, the similiarities also extended to the publicity for both campuses made their first attempt to promote the event with placards in the library. Coincidence? Neh! It was just God's way of publicity.

Monday, January 17, 2005

The Future...

As the new year approaches, I knew that I needed to write down some New Year resolution that will help me in achieving certain things in my life and see it being fulfilled by God at the end of the year. I knew I needed to write it down to remind me constantly of the plans I wanted to submit to Him for this year. This is a list of my endeavours that I hope He will guide me through.

God

  1. I want to spend an hour a day to do my quiet time which include reading the Bible, memorizing a Scripture verse and praying to Him.
  2. I want to know that I am nothing with Him.
  3. I want to submit myself as a living sacrifice before Him so that He will use me in whatever area He wants.
  4. I want to know who Jesus Christ really is.
  5. I want to be like Jesus Christ.
Me

  1. I want to be the Man that He has created me to be. I want to be like Him.

Relationships

  1. God

I want to have a relationship with Him and know Him as my best friend.

2. Friends

I want to build on the friendships that I have and hope the bonds I have with them will grow closer.

I want to treat everyone as a brother and sister irrespective of colour, faith or thought.

The Present...

The annointing of God soon rest upon me after I had rededicated my life before Him. I knew I was imperfect, I knew there were still some issues in my life that needed God to change, I knew I was nothing. In that emptiness, I was filled. I had began to experience such a wonderful experience in His presence each time I was with Him, be it at home in my quiet time, in CF or at church. I could sing the songs that were sung during worship and understanding the greatness of God in each line of the song. The Word began to speak to heart so powerefully each time I sit to read the Bible and hear the preacher speak. There was an abundance of joy, peace and love that surrounds me. This has allowed me to serve in whatever area that God has put me in to the best of my potential. I knew then the crater that was within me and I now know that He has filled it. To God be the Glory!!!

The Past...

I had left this place for quite along time despite having much to say yet was unable to find the oppurtunity to sit down and pour my thoughts out. By now, much have been lost but I would try my best to render whatever that is left in my brain for now.

The year 2004 brought about many happy and sad moments in my life. There were so many things I thank God for and I am thankful that I have not only grown a year older but also a year wiser in many aspect of my life. Here are some of my learnings of the year.

God

He has been speaking to me constantly throughout this year. I had grown in some ways and also fallen in some areas due to my disobedience. It was not a very fruitful year for me in terms of my spirituallity. I reckon that I had backslided in ways that I only knew. My faith was not as strong and I was beginning to take God for granted in many ways. This was evident when worship became a singing session, prayer was merely coming up with words and the Word seems just a bunch of stories. I could not sense Him. There was no passion or desire. My interest for church began to downsize and I was just hanging on by a ritual rather than a relationship.

Me

The spiritual dryness within me had led to a change of behaviour and character that I was uncustomed to. I began to be proud, judgemental and irritated with things around me. My actions had taken a toll and the people that were around me suffered as a result of my behaviour. I had hurt many without even realising it.

Relationship

At the beginning of this year, I met someone whom I had grown close and fond of. She was someone that I like being with and who had some of the qualities I admire. I had foreseen that this relationship to last and was putting much hope into being with her. However, I guess I was not spiritually strong and mentally matured to start a relationship. I had been disobedient to His calling to draw close to Him and succumbed myself to temptation that I had previously placed a strong stand against. My failure to realise and to act upon it resulted in me loosing that relationship. I was utterly depressed and sad over it. There were many nights I lay in bed crying out to Him for a reason eventhough I knew the answer. Other than that, my relationship with others also suffered. I felt alone and was in search of a friend. In the end, I found Him.

In conclusion...

God had brought me through this time for a reason and I am thankful to Him for putting me through this situation. Out of this, I had began to realise my incapabilities and that I needed Him to be the centre of my life. There were many times when I had place my own strength before His strength. I took matter into my hands rather that submitting my situation to the hands of God. At that point of time, I knew that I was nothing and that I could not do anything unless God was with me. There was nothing I could depend on except Him. Nothing seem to last forever except the love of God. My life was not my own but was of Him. I repented of my ways, crying out to Him to take my life and make it His own. This was when I decided to rededicate my life to Him on 25 December 2004. I wanted to put the past behind and approach the new year with full of the desire and passion to live for Him and Him alone.