A Good Lesson, A Bad Day

My Roles in CF

Dr. Ian gave quite a good illustration about our roles in CF. It seems to me that there are 2 groups in CF, one who doesn't serve and one who serve too much. Dr. Ian pointed out that some of us especially served too much that many of us failed our exams. It was a really strong point directed at the committees in a whole. He was making a difference in his university days when he was in the board, all of his fellow comrades were 1st generation and A students. The irony of this difference seem to strike me. What is the difference?

I would have to say that I am ashame of myself because I am one of those who is in the committee and who isn't performing as well as I should in my subjects. Though, God has been gracious that I have yet to fail any papers but my results seems to always be at the borderline. I sometimes wonder if I really am putting too much effort and energy in performing the task that has been planned in CF to perfection. Are we really concentrating too much on activities that we get burned out in the end of the workload?

Lust

Dr. Ian was really frank to us about something personal in his life. His struggle with lust. I finally understand why he is the only lecturer whose window at his door is uncovered, placing all his computers at an angle facing the door. He had a problem with pornography. I could relate to him in some ways as I too at times struggle with it. Guys are generally a more visual being compared to our female counterparts who are more emotional in nature. However, some may have the reverse characteristics. According to "Not even a Hint" by Joshua Harris, 'Girls were made beautiful. Their beauty were meant to be appreciated by their husband to be."

Like any guy, I always like noticing a beautiful girl. There are certain charactristic to a girl in which I admire. I'm not a particular hair person. I like both short and long hair girls. The physical looks seems to capture me the most; big eyes, straight nose, a sweet smile. The others would be a well proportion body going from the neck to the bust to the waist to the but and to the legs. It seem to strike an attention to guys when they noticed certain characteristics that they like. Many of the time thats one of the motivation for guys to get to know a girl. Physical appearance has always generated interest. I can't deny that I am affected by it as well.

However, lust is present when we undress a woman with our eyes. Or we visualise a sexual encounter with that person. Its hard to avoid those thoughts at times. Frankly, I have personally been through it. At times, curiosity does stir a sinful desire. That would be my weakness. As the saying goes, curiosity kills the cat. I have to realise that maturity does plays a vital role in our perceptions. Maturity in thought and in spirit. The bible teaches us to be holy. Holiness may be a nice word to utter but it isn't an easy word to practice. I have struggle at times to remain holy and pure. However, circumstances cause us to forget our role to remain holy. We always prefer pleasure first rather than pleasing God. Looking at naked picture of a woman in a man context is pleasurable. The countless hours we search through websites going from one site to another leave us wasting hours and the result at the end of the day isn't fulfilling as guilt and shame sets in. This is when we feel so miserable that we run back to God for forgiveness. Lust is very subtle. Once it get a whole of us, we are oblivious to it and many principles and stands we make it life just falls apart.

The reason I am sharing this right now is because beneath this happy go lucky person that I am, I do face such struggles in life. Dr. Ian have publicly mention it to us and I respect his guts for doing so. I know its a shameful action to speak about but if Dr. Ian can do it, why can't I? I have to admit that the thoughts have not left me completely though there have some improvement due to distraction of work. It's hard to completely get rid of lust but the walk towards purity and holiness step by step brings you closer to the full nature of God.

Dating vs Marriage

Dr. Ian did make a strong about this to the CF. Its a common thing that university students like ourselves or even as young as primary school going children commit to this days. Many of them are getting involved early without really thinking about the future of marriage. The joy of having someone that you can hold and claim to be one boyfriend and girlfriend seem to be the main reason why people commit. I do agree with Dr. Ian that it is much more easier to serve as a single. No worries about caring for another person or taking his thoughts into consideration before doing anything. The thought about staying single or getting involved has always crept into my head. Am I ready or not? Have I met the right person whom I call as "The One"? Is it the right time to start a relationship? Many of the time this question seem to be the focus of our life that we loose focus on the more important things in life such as friendship, enjoying one another company, supporting one in the ministry.

It does have to speak for itself whether or not we are prepared for marriage should we go and look for one who could be my wife one day. I have always wondered why breakups happened. Is it because things are not going right with one another or we aren't prepared for a relationship? I do hope that if I were to be prepared to take the path towards relationship that I would prepare myself for it in the His timing and worry less about finding the One because He will definitely provide the One, the love of our life, our companion till the day I die.

Overall, I didn't really expect a very powerful message but in the end I am glad I was reminded about many things in my life, maybe because it is relates to me in one way or another.

A Bad, Exhausting and Hectic Day

I paid a visit with my sister to my grandpa at Subang Jaya Medical Centre where he was admitted on Monday for Jaundis. He was admitted when he turned yellow after having supper at Melor in USJ, where it is famous for its sup kambing. He is currently feeling better and has been transferred to a Selayang Hospital, which is a public hospital. Visiting him at his room, I was surprised to be told that the room cost RM198 for a night for a small room with a bed, chair, tv set and adjoining toilet. The price seem exhobitant as with a price of RM178, you are able to get a deluxe room with attached bathroom, 2 queen size bed and ample of living space at Allson Klana Resort in Seremban. It does show that private hospital are as pricey as hotels outside, lacking in terms of space and comfort.

The visit was painful for me. It wasn't because of seeing my grandpa but because of my forgetful that made me pay the price for it. I had decided to park my car outside of SJMC, thinking that I would be able to safe a few ringgit. However, I forgot to pay for a parking ticket that ended me sacrificing RM40 instead of RM0.40 on a summon ticket. It was my first summon ticket in my entire driving experience. My heart was aching with accruciating pain when I had to take fork out RM40 for nothing. I had always park without paying a ticket and have always gotten away with it. This time I was so lucky and the experience did teach me a lesson to always remember to pay for parking whereever I go. Besides, it also taught me that it is better to pay a few ringgit rather than fork our rm40 for a private enclose carpark.

My ordeal for worsen when I had to wait for my turn to pay my summon at MPSJ. I was the fourth person in line yet I had to wait for half and hour before I could take my invoice. That is minus the need to go to another counter to pay for my summon. There were many people there paying bills but most of them had summonses in their hands like me. One person was simply complaining to everyone who came in when he was awarded a compound when he parked his car illegally by the side inside SJMC itself. The idea of having to be summon by MPSJ officer inside a confined parking space had displeased him. It was also a sight when I saw summonses on cars parking illegally at the side in the MPSJ compound itself when I was returning back into my car. It seems like summonses seem to be a daily and profitable affair for MPSJ. There was also a report I read in the newspaper concerning such summonses where compounds were awarded to cars who park along the road in a housing estate. People were beginning to be furious over the whole issue especially to those who had more than 2 cars that could fit in their driveway.

I quickly made my way to my aunt house at Kota Kemuning for lunch and spend some time there with my grandparents. Initially, I had wanted to wait till they were on their way to Selayang but I couldn't wait any longer as I had another appointment to go to in which I was extremely late. I had initially said to meet a close friend of mine, Daniel who was on holiday from Singapore. He is currently taking architecture and its by far one of the most business minded person I met so far. He is currently operating a architecture stationary shop in campus and is undergoing another business idea that would include an illuminous material for shoes and bags mainly targetted for party goers. His other ideas would be to set up an interior design office in the future.

My trip to Mid Valley for my appointment was simply a rush as I had to travel from Kota Kemuning all the way back to Cyberjaya to fetch my sister and travel out again to Mid Valley. Distance, time and traffic condition only allowed me to reach there at 330pm, 3 hours late from the suggested time. I met his friend by the name of Dorothy who was studying Building at NUS as well. It was the first time I persoanlly heard that there was such a course as this and found out that it has to do with Quantity Surveying. We headed down to Coffee Bean to have our lil chat. My compound had left me broke and ended up having sky juice only.

Our lil chat was regarding about CF in general. They wanted to know more about our CF as they were praying and focusing on Malaysia this year and had asked whether there was any prayer request that we needed. They had initially wanted to come down to Cyberjaya for our CF on Tuesday but due to uncertainty and other not being able to make it, they cancelled the idea. I was amazed to find out what their CF was about and the similarities we shared. It was no difference in terms of planning and activities. However, they were far more bigger than us with a population of 1000 students registered, a bank account of S$25k, CG Orientated according to faculties or hostels, membership cards with an annual fees of S$15, missioned minded and their funds help support FES staff worker to neighbouring countries to do missions. It was an interesting discussion and hope that I will be able to contact in future to network and also to pray for one another. One thing for sure, their problems are very similar to ours. It does show that there are always similar difficulties which we share in an organisation.

My trip did not end there as I headed to Terry place to get some FYP work going on. It was a really frustrating time as I had some hardware problems which we were clueless about. My computer monitor could not be sensed my the OS and I was presented by a black screen in which I couldn't configure the necessary things to do. I was so pissed by the whole idea of Linux Redhat. Everyone seem to be shouting out loud the advantage of using open source but to me it was other wise. There was so much complication compared to Mandrake or Knoppix. Windows seems like heaven at that time though their problem were many but were hidden from the user view unless you are good at it to see its mistakes. Our entire time was worthless as there was no results to see at the end of the day. We decided to test it out on Terry PC first before going to our lecturers and supervisors the next day to troubleshoot the problem.

I came back and was extremely tired. A nice bath did help cool my nerve a lil and refresh me. However, I was simply excited and happy at the end of the day when I found out that I had a mail saying that a company in Seremban is considering me for a chance to expose in the testing area at Semi On and also got my resume send at last by the university to a Mesiniaga. I was thanking God for it and hope that my application goes through succesfully for the latter one. It was a very interesting day though there were some bad things that happened but I learned a lot and was happy in the end.