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A Casual Night Out With Fellow Friends

At around 10pm, I had an appointment with Terry and Lena for supper. Terry message me in the afternoon of a meet up and decided to go along with it since I had promise Lena earlier to meet up after camp. We ended up at S2 although our initial plan to meet at RJ was cancelled as we found out it was close. Our meet was quite interesting as we began asking Lena how it was coming home to work as she was undergoing her industrial training at Semi ON in Senawang. She seem to be having a nice time at work, practically walking around and making her presence known by the people at Semi ON. Whats more surprising she gets paid to do it. It seems to be quite enjoyable working at home or whats more working at Semi ON. My mind began to consider about maybe making necessary arrangement to apply for my internship back in Seremban althought I had initially insisted on working somewhere closer to campus due to my involvement in CF and to be close to a certain someone, frankly speaking. However, the thought remains an option and will consider coming home to work. And if that happens, I would be making weekly trips down to Cyber on Tuesday to attend CF and see what is there that need attention. Besides that, it was nice just to catch up with Lena and also Terry. Can't wait to catch up with Lena's twin, Joanne when she return from U.S. Guess, there are one of the few girls back home which I like catching up with and there always a conversation to make when we meet up.

Thoughts that Needed to be Penned Down

My mind was constantly questioning, asking and seeking an answer after a supposedly short discussion that turn out to be longer than expected with that special someone. This was something I had wanted to talk to her about last week but wasn't able to speak it out when I met her. Maybe, I had a lost of words and didn't know how to address the issue due to distraction of talking about something else besides this. I felt kind of heart broken after that conversation. Not because that things couldnt work out yet between us, but because my expectation to start a relationship with that special someone seem to vanish. I had this notion before but thought that it would come to reality this time around. However, I realise that wasn't true. The question to take the relationship a step higher seem to leave a trail of questions that was hard to answer, both for me and her. I found that there seem to be so much doubt and uncertainty to start a relationship. Having to consider so many things that I feel pressured by all this factors. I realised that it isnt easy to start a relationship and it required far alot of consideration besides us but also considering the people around us such as parents friends and the people in general. Other consideration like studies and commitment to church and CF seem to add on to this pressure. So much consideration, yet not a single certainty.

I am trying not to give any pressure to her or to rush into a relationship if either one isn't ready to take the next step. Besides that, I was also reflecting at our relationship which had taken such a short time to developed into what it is now. Is this one of the reason why all this uncertainty was brought up? I am sometimes puzzled or just confuse where all of this will lead to. My greatest fear in this relationship is that this relationship will not work out. She seem to be someone whom i finally found that i could feel comfortable being with and I guess it is for her case as well. But, i may just be another someone who cares and likes her that crosses her path and maybe not be the One for her. She is one who is likable by many and that explains the many interest she gets from other guys besides myself. The thought scares me as at this moment the assurance I receive from this relationship seem to be questionable. Whether this is love or just another crush I have in life? I've even had thoughts of casually taking this relationship and treating her as my best friend rather than something more for now. This would result in less chats, less SMS, less phone calls, less misses and less thinking about her.

The thought of staying single for another year cross my mind again. Kissing dating goodbye seem to fit into that description. I feel that if it isn't the time for me to move into a relationship that I would take this time to improve myself in areas that I find that I lack in and the same moment prepare myself spiritually before going into a relationship. I found out that it so easy to loose one focus when the foundation isnt strong. There is so many temptation and distraction that may come my way that sometimes I'm unwary of. I seem to be ever more determined to prepare myself for marriage rather than courtship. I want to go into a relationship with a girl whom God has prepared for me that is ready for marriage. It sounds pretty awkward that I be thinking about marriage when I can't even decide on going into a relationship. However, I feel that it be right to move into a relationship when I am prepared to consider marriage. One of my friend mention that we should only say "I Love You" if we are prepared to ask her hand in marriage. I believe that it is so true that sometimes the phrase "I Love You" isn't taken seriously that causes many breakups to turn to Hate instead. I seem to agree that the phrase "I Love You" is an unofficial seal we give to someone we love truly that we see the future of being with that someone. It would be someone you are able to complement with and at the same time grow as individuals, working out the differences and weaknesses and able to become One.

I am praying about this and will take this holiday to seek Him for His direction. Seriously, I really am scared about this but at the same time is determined to seriously consider marriage if I decide to move into a relationship. The question is will she be the One for me? I hope so. I hope to see it come to pass because I truly like being around her and to be able to complement one another in many areas. Its hard to meet someone like that and at this point of time, I feel that she is the One. But feelings may deceived the human heart and all I can do now is lay it down at His feet. Will continue to pray for her and also pray that our friendship will continue to grow stronger and that we would build a strong foundation that would prepare us for marrige whether with one another or someone else that God has in store for us. As I conclude this thought, I would like sincerely thank you for your love, care and understanding that you have shown to me throughout this one year of getting to know you and I pray that God will continue to build you up to be the woman that you are made to be and that our friendship will continue to blossom and grow as we move into the next academic year. God bless!