I Am God

Psalm 46

For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A song.

1 God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The LORD Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

8 Come and see the works of the LORD ,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

This was the psalm that we went through during our bible study. She brought about a picture of the recent tsunami disaster that struck and the relation to this psalm. I Am God. This was the title I chose for this psalm. I am God. What does that mean? In the midst of the circumstances that we faced even during times of disaster, many will question the reality of God.

Why did God caused this to happened? Why did He had to take away so many lives? If He is God, does He have any compasion?

Many question surrounds the heart of many pertaining to the existence of God.

Questions? Did I have any? Was I affected by the recent natural disaster?

I can say honestly that I was shocked the distruction that it had caused the countries affected and the many who lost their home and love ones. It was a sad occasion I must admit. However, it had little affect over it. I was not affected by it. Its true that I did not feel the impact as great as those who were there because it did not affected. I opened my wallet and take out a big piece of notes with the intention of helping those who were affected by it. It is a good intention. However, was I giving to lessen the burden of me being apart of it?

I guess I do not see myself questioning that often. I just believe that God is in control and that He knows my life and my future. The moment of question only arise when it concerns me. When I am hurting, when I am in pain, when I am lost without any solutions. It is when it concerns me that I am questioning God.

A thought struck me during the bible study when Annette spoke about complacency and wrestling with God. I have come to know many people including myself easily caught up with the idea of "It is God's will.", "God is in control.", "He knows everything and I believe in Him." or "I surrender my life to Him." I call this faith which I believe it is important. However, I realise even for myself that sometimes it becomes too excessive that we stop questioning God. We stop wrestling with God. We become complacent. I realise that this is dangerous as we become too comfortable in submission to a point we stop growing.

I remember the time when I was deeply depressed. During this time, I was questioning God,

"Why is this happening to me?", "What happened to that relationship?","Why am I feeling so much pain in my heart?"

At that point of questioning, I realise I began to depend on God for answers. I do not know for sure if the answers came but I felt a renewed feeling, something I had never felt for a long time during my prayer and reading of His word. It became something personal. I was wrestling with Him and this had elevated my faith termedously.

Right now, these questioning has somehow subsided. There isn't any need for question because it did not concern me. The effect? I realise that my level of faith had stagnant. What was missing? Was I not questioning God enough? Was I not wrestling with Him when I should? I ponder upon this. I hope I do not stop questioning because question does reaffirm our faith in Christ. However, an excessive amount of questioning may also lead me away. Where do I strike the balance? Where do I draw the line? What is the essence of my faith in Him that would never allow me to question and keep rooted in Him?

I am still humbly learning...