Obedience

Its pretty hard at times to live life doing what you really want yet have to subject to authority. Many times I feel pressured at times but I have grown use to it already. Its hard to always been under scrutiny and supervision. This is one of the reason why I find myself at times confuse or even struggle to grow up.

I have been brought up in a very strict family ever since I was young. My parents have always been very protective for their children. It has been difficult after I had entered university. My parents, in particular my mom would always call to check on me. Many times she get upset or angry with me when she finds out that I am not in my room at a certain time. At times, it may boil up to an argument as well. Mom has a tendency of being very possessive at times and its has been pretty tough for me. Sometimes I fear leaving my home and hanging out with friends or even going for any CF related events or meetings because I know that she will call me. My dad has since follow suit as well.

I guess the reason for their over possessive nature is because they are worried. My parents tend to be very anxious over things. They seem to see the world as a very wicked one. Many of it have been influenced my the reports and news the see and read over the media that have made them fearful. Besides that, they are always concern about my studies due to my not so good grades and have persisted that I should do well for this last semester in uni. There is much expectation before me especially being the elders in the family. With all of this, I find it a struggle to serve or even do the things I like to do.

Many times I had thoughts of giving up. Give up serving the CF and church because I can't take the pressure at longer. All I want to do is to make them happy but many times I am not. I do not get much encouragement in my involvement in both CF and church. Studies seem to be the top most priority in their life and that I should do well in order to secure a good job and well deserved salary. Its hard to be obedient, especially to parents. However despite having many thoughts of giving up, there is something that spur me to continue because I know that God is with me. I know that I have one life to lead and that I want to experience as many things as I can. It is not easy but I know I have to trust in Him