Blessed to be Selfless

Blessings. I was reminded once again about my life, how God has blessed my life. At times, I take for granted or even forget that I am blessed. Its quite my nature to be blur or forgetful at times. My parents were quick to remind me again. It seems that God had seen me through even before I was born. I was miraculously born after two of my would be sibblings didn't made it. My mum was given treatment straightaway from the doctor even when she was late to arrived to give birth to me. I went through a normal childhood without much trouble or problems. My SPM results was a miracle as I received 7As and an aggregrate of 6 in my important papers without even studying as much as I should have. I managed to enter MMU even after submitting my entry at the last day of registration. There were many oppurtunities given to me in terms of leaderships roles both in CF and Cyber Christmas even when I do not deserve it or have the leadership qualities to carry out those roles. I had the FYP title that I wanted with a good moderator and was fortunate to submit my FYP report even when the time had passed. I was fortunate enought to visit China for my holidays, do mission in Sarawak, attend Hillsongs conference in Australia and soon to attend my church camp in Genting before I start work. Last but not least, I managed to acquire a job after only applying only one company and even not making the interview. These are some of the list of testimony that I have of God's blessings in my life.

I look at the list and the thought of seeing God's hand on my life is simply astounding. The fact that I am saved by grace is already a blessing, knowing about it is a gift from God. I wouldn't be able to see His hand if I am not a born again.

Looking at all this blessings in my life, there is no words or works that can repay God's grace but to surrender my life before Him and be used by Him. I made a vow that whatever I do in the future that God would be in the picture. The vision in a camp about a mike and big group of people is still vivid in my mind. I do not know what it means but I believe there would be a reason for that vision some day. My thoughts about relationship and in waiting for a life partner have changed. It would not be a list of criteria I set before me but a person that I can complement and be complemented with so that we would walk in accordance with God and be His servant. I am learning to place what God wants for my life and not what I want of Him because I know on judgement day, it is my relationship with Him that counts and the effort I place to share that relationship.

I was watching the diaries of Malaysian Idol earlier and could relate to what Ash commented.

"At times its hard to be yourself. Even when u try to be open, frank and transparent about your thoughts and opinion, people will think differently of you. They will have a perception that you are trying to be proud or egoistic but all you are trying to be is yourself. Its frustrating at times. We have to put own two mask each time we are out there, one on stage and one of stage. People will only get to know who we really are when they speak or have a conversation with you. One friend asked me if all this is hipocrasy. Indeed it is."

I cannot agree any less of what he said. Sometimes, I can't blame people for putting a mask. Many have I known portray different personalities. Its hard to distinguish who is who. Frustrating it must be to see this happening all around us. I try at times to be who I am but most of the time find myself the odd one out. The feeling of being different from everyone else whether be it in character or opinions. You just can't help being away or left out. Many times, one have to sacrifice self in order to be accepted by majority. That is why the question of "What would Jesus do?" have to remain in our heads. It seems we are not who we want to be. We are just instruments used by God having a path that is planned for us from the beginning. That is why we are more dependant than independant. Most of the time, its better to die to self and gain souls. Humility comes into the picture. This is a lesson that I am still learning from Him.