My Initiatives to Relationships and Dealing With Critics

I had a conversation with one of my good friend over the messenger and I was reminded once again of how complacent I can get in terms of keeping in touch with people. My friend did point out to me that I seldom take the initiatives to actually SMS or message someone over messenger, even to people who I considered myself close to. It seems I had a tendency of communicating when someone initiates and its funny how I had lost that sense of having to initiate conversation during my pre-U days. Have I gone complacent or have I lost the desire to want to keep in touch with people?

I realise that I have many people whom I have not kept in touched with for quite some times. The people I had least kept in touch were some of my classmates back in secondary days. Many have already gone overseas while others were already pursuing different fields of interest around Malaysia. There are some that I do keep in touch but many of those whom I was close to had seem to fizzle out. Then there is another thought about family. It seems that I lack closeness with some of family members especially my cousins. I guess I am close to a small group of family members in particular immediate members and grandparents. Come to think of it, it is quite sad that I have done nothing much about it all this while yet cannot see myself just sitting and doing nothing.

I was out with mum around KL doing some groceries at the nearby hypermart. There was nothing that interest me which is quite different as normally I would be going around every nook and crany of the hypermarket to see any interesting items and also to check the prices of good, just to keep in touch with the general pricing of things. I took out my phone and began SMS people. One such person was my uncle and cousin whose birthday happened to fall on that day. I have not actually made much contact with this cousin and only see him during family functions which is around once a year. Even then, its hard to make a conversation although we were supposedly cousins. I find it quite sad that we do not have that relationship. A relationship that I see common with some of friends where they are close with their cousins. However, I decided to send him a message with hopes that it would be a starting point in building a relationship with him. This does not only go out to him but also to the many other cousins that I have yet made any or much contact with.

Alot can be said upon relationships for me. I seem not to not have a big group of friends that I mixed with or that I am close with. The people that are really close to me are just a handful. Though at times I enjoy being in the midst of a big group of people, I do not seem to have any relationship with them that would seem deep enough to be call a good friend. Many are just surface level friendship where we laugh and have a nice time but barely know who they really are. I tend to feel awkward at times in such a big group and prefer to move into a more personal encounter sometimes prefering a one to one talk as I get to know the person more. However, there always seem to be a gender bias in this sense. It seems rather alright to be having talks between a guy and guy but arouses sceptics when its between a girl and guy. I think its natural for people to think otherwise as why would a guy and girl have a private conversation unless they are up to something. I admit I do join in such discussions at times as well. In that sense, gossips arises and people began to tease you with one another. A innocent action of wanting to get to know a friend better becomes a topic of discussion that makes both parties feel uncomfortable.

I come to realise that there is always people watching your every move. What you do, which company you applied for jobs and which girl you went out with. Its seems natural that we love to talk about someone or less know about what they been up to. That explains why gossip news or entertainment news sells. People always wants to know what other people are doing. How do we respond to such situation when one is in it? I believe in being yourself and knowing what your intentions are that really matters. Don't succumb to pressure and loose yourself in the midst of it. However, be mindful of such critic and take it as a form of self evaluation. If such critics are found to be true, its a good indication that there are somethings in your life that needs a change. However, if you that you are innocent before God Himself of such critics, just be cool and carry on with life with having a sense of hate or anger in oneself. Besides, it always feels good to be open and transparent with your intention. This helps you get in check with yourselves.

These are just some of my thoughts for the week.