A Lonely Routine

Routines have been apart of my life during this past 4 weeks of internship. Waking up, preparing for work, driving to work, programming, lunch, programming, leaving for home, (maybe a jog), bath, dinner, reading newspaper, tv and off to bed. It seems pretty strange to live life like this. Each passing day seems to be like a repeated day itself. I have never had such a routine day ever since secondary where each day basically revolve around going to school and attending tuition. In the beginning, I did not feel like a routine. However, I have began to feel the routine this couple of days. It was probably due to the programming stages that I was currently at where results are not obvious at the end of the day. There is not much achieve at the end of the day except fulfilling a day's worth of working hours.

As I have not been absorb in work, time just seems to be at a standstill. It seems like a drag to just go through a day without fulfilling something concrete. This was not the case during the weekends when there is not much of a need of fulfilling anything except getting all the rest I need especially on the bed, in front of the TV and going out with my family. Thus, my mind have began to get busy on other things such as day dreaming and thinking. This thoughts and dreams can be either good or bad.

One of the things that I have been aware of is loneliness. I sit on my desk everyday doing my own thing, sometimes spending much of my time without uttering a word to anyone except during lunch hours. There are four others sitting around me within the same cubicle which inclues Parry, Fizah, Mahazir and Elfiz. However, there is an absence of communication between us. Its a rare occasion for us to have a conversation and the conversations that take place here are mainly about work related issues. Various people come in and out of my cubicle yet many I do not know. Its pretty hard to start a conversation unless its something related to work. Such work related issues includes training, quality assurance of the product, difficulties or problems faced in the line, solution to fix this problems and analysing datas that have been received for that particular day or week. The working environment seems to disallow me from starting a conversation. I dare not disturb any of them.

I realised that I tend to be more aware about people alot to apoint that I fear my actions would disturb any of them. During a months of working in Philips, I realised that many of them are not in their place of work. They can be seen going into the production line for some inspection or gathering at each others cubicle or room having a meeting. At the end of the day, many of them have to stay back after working hours to finish up their work which involve alot of documentations and paper work. This would lead me to think that many of them would have to spend less time at home with their family or close ones. At the end of the day, many of them are tired out and would end up in bed early before the start of another day. I for one do not intend to delay them from returning home and have began to respect people's time. I would try to finish my work on my own and would only approach any of them, be it my supervisors or the other trainee if my doubts can not be solve on my own. However, there are some who think otherwise. There is a couple of people who would normally come in and disturb others in the office. They would walk and sit around, making spontaneous conversations that at times help disperse the air of seriousness that loom over most of our heads. Most of the time I would overhear their conversation and would respond by turning around and laughing around with them. This seems to be a blessing in disguise as it helps create a balanced working environement. At times, I feel that I am one of them considering my usual attics that some have become familiar with back in uni. However, I have been reframed from doing so.

The reason behind my quieter side is I take time to get adjusted around a certain a group of people. I tend to be an extrovert within a group of people that I am familiar or feel comfortable in it. For instance, CF and the company of my closest friends. However, my introvert nature would take over when I am in a new environment where people seem to be more of acquintances. It seems like I spot two different personalities in two different environment. Many people seem to be sceptical over my quiet nature when I tell them of it. Its probably because they are the people whom I have become comfortable with and they are a witness of my true flambouyant self.

The other part of my introvert nature seems to be revealed during disagreement. I would usually voiced my opinions and would keep vigil when decisions are made in which I disagree upon. It seems fruitless to defend one's opinion especially when you are a minority. Majority would normally have their say and the respect that we give to that decision is to remain quiet about it. I believe that in doing so we keep to our grounds and it gives us time to reflect upon the opinions that we have made to see whether it is right or wrong. There have been different scenarios that I have encountered where people seem to change their opinions due to pressure from the majority. Their previous opinions seem to diminished and take upon a new stand that seem to aligned to the majority views. I pity those who have such mentaility yet have little respect for them as well. They have comform to others rather than making a stand for themselves. It is not easy to stand on your grounds and sometimes it puts you in a situation where you are the last man standing. People's mind seem to wander and you tend to be perceive as a rebellious tyrant instead. I believe many have failed to make a personal stand for themselves in situation such as this. It is much easier to be in a company of majority than stand alone. I am not saying that we alienate ourselves and begin to go against everyone's opinion. However, I feel at times there needs to be opposition to bring about significant changes in our society today. I am not scared to admit that at times I feel like an opposition. However, opposing does not mean retaliation. Its good at times to remain vigil when we disagree on an opinion and hope for the best. Keeping to our stand and belief is one of the important measures that we should be taking in preparations for the end times where majority seems to be the safest company to be in yet it is those who persevere to stand on their ground who win the battle. Are you the last man standing?