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CF Comm Retreat (20-22 February 2004)

Day 1

The day that i had been waiting finally arrived. After going through a last minute check on the mails regarding about the committee, i was left with only 15 minutes to pack. With such haste, i quickly threw everything that i could think of to bring along hoping that i didn't leave any important thing out from the list. As the time of my watch began to tick closer to 7pm, i rushed with my packs and got into my car hurriedly hoping to be there on time. As usual, the Malaysians seems to grow in each one of us that i only saw Kevin and Desmond there early. The rest was nowhere in sight. Taking this oppurtunity, i quickly ordered myself a plate of nasi goreng sotong, which apparently was what Lincoln ordered as well. (actually i couldnt think of what to order but at the spur of the moment added another plate to what he ordered.) As people started to gather, dinner was the next itenary before we decided to leave for Country Heights Kajang.

We reached the place almost around 8.30pm. It was a surprising thing when i reached there as it was a different unit altogether. the last time we were there, we had a priviledge to be at the grd floor where the other end open to an open area with the pond situated in front. this time, it was the upper floor. although, it was the same kind of design, it felt different. everything seems new and clean. maybe the cleaners were there earlier. as we unpack our stuff into the house, we began to settle down to where we would be sleeping for the nites. the girls were given the priviledge of having 2 rooms while the guys occupied the hall and a room.

The night with us getting to know each. Somewhat called an ice-breakers. We didnt play any games, games that normally we associate with ice breaking. this time, it was a personally test. i had never really done a personally test before. but it was a really interesting. after having done it, annette asked us to share about what it felt like doing the test. my answer was, "A thought provoking experience that reaffirms my strengths, revelled my weaknesses."

There were all together 4 distinctive profiles of a person; Dominant, Influencial, Steadiness and Compliance. All of this stand for DISC. Here are some of the details i found out about myself;

Personality : High I
Possible strengths : conservative, optimistic, participative, persuasive, gregarious, inspiring, alert, flexible and firm (summing up: tactful, personable and confident)
Possible weaknesses : hesitant, poor listener, overly confident, gus, overly optimistic, superficial, restless, impatient, opinionated (summing up : too agreeable, verbally pushy and too optimistic)
Personal giftedness : quick of tougue, special ability to affirm and encourage others.
Group giftedness : relieving tension, articulationg information
Potential spiritual gifts : helps, hospitality, mercy
Internal fears : public or social rejection
Strength out of control : speaking without thinking
Under stress becomes : careless and disorganised
Blind spots : Connecting commitment to action when encoutering social pressure
Need to work on : Remaining objective when encountering social pressure
Best team members : Pure C, C/S, C/S/D, S/C
Biblical characters : Aaron, King Saul

Like they say, test aren't 100% correct but i do agree that 80% is. There are certain areas that im sure of but at this present moment there are still things that im discovering about myself. My strengths and my weaknesses. Empowering my strength, Overcoming my weaknesses. Am i able to? Only God knows.










Day 2

Strolling Down Whiteness

It was 7.45am that i awoke from my humble resting place. I was surpised to find myself the only person to have slept in the room where there were actually 2 beds to spare. Most of them decided to cuddle together in the living room where the blasting air con would give them a cool atmosphere. on the hand, i chose the room instread as i slept pretty earlier than the rest and didnt mind not having air con either. it was a nice rest but unfortunately i woke up late for my morning walk at 7am. However, looking at the time and seeing the sun still shielded from the passing clouds, i decided to go for a walk netherless. desmond was also out that morning but instead he went for a jog.

it was a pleasant walk down the narrow streets of villas that seem to occupy the area. it seems like a colony of people living in their little white homes in a beautiful surroundings filled with trees and lakes. walking around this place as i observe each and everyone of the homes reminds me of my dream house perched high up on the hills overlooking a wide ocean. i had always taken a liking for height and an open space. this can be due to my preference of space around me. never like the fact of being cluttered in small confine area. as i walk further out from this colony, i began to make my way to the nearest alleys where i could catch of a glimpse of a few beautiful houses that remained unseen by the outside world except those who live here. it was a beautiful sight of houses with big driveway with a porch filled with luxurious and expensive cars that seem to be only for display, private swimming pool in your own compound where you can frolic in the water when the day is at its hottest. a big living area with a big dining room with a table filled with your favourite food, a living room so spacious with comfortable satties and a little fireplace where you can get warmth from the blistering cold, multiple bedrooms deck with the nicest apolstries and linen, a cozy bathroom with a jacuzzin sitted in the middle soaking yourself in bubbles. what a dream this is, what a reality this is far from. besides witnessing the beautiful splendour, it was also a time of by myself with Him, speaking to Him where i feel comfortable at less routine. it has always been an awesome experience just to walk with Him and listening to Him that may only be a still small voice.

i return back to base after an hour of walk, got myself freshened up before i indulge myself with the array of food that has been laid out on the table waiting to savage by the stomach growling people that stands waiting for the right time to pounce on it. it was simply a sumptious meal of bacon, sausages, eggs, pancakes, bread and butter. what an interesting input to start the day with.

Reflection

the morning was started off with a time of reflecting conducted by Kevin. It was a time where we would jot down the things that had happened to us throughout the year and what had God showed us personally. i personally couldnt recount most of the things that took place. this is due to my limited amount of space in my head to retain all that i had encountered, only remembering some very obvious ones. kevin gave the previous comms our previous interview letter and also a paper where we jotted down what we would like to do in the year. each of us were given an open map with little tress in between the start and the finish. each of us were given some time to reflect and to write it down in our own creative way. i for one loves pictures and images, so i drew a straight road with smaller roads goin up different mountains in that year. however, after we wrote down whatever we wanted to write, there will be a time for us all in the end of the day to share whatever we had written down.

as the clock tick towards mid-day, we decided to leave all our pens and papers or whatever games that we were excitedly getting ur hands on and made our way to Mines for lunch. Though we had time till 4pm, but it seems that time passed by so quickly that all we got to do was to eat, though walking around would be another option for us. it was an interesting sight today as we manage to catch an opera performance that was presented on the water ferry with the girl and guy coming into the canal at both ends, accompanied by a chinese orchestra. couldnt help but to take a few snapshots for rememberance.

Lighting Up the Light

we made our way back soon after and guess what, we had another activity prepared by Nigel. Games had always been a good time during retreat as it was not only a time to have fun but a time to learn as well. Experiencing FES style of playing games, there was always a meaning to each one played. We began with newspaperes, scissors, cellotape and staplers and began to dress up our president and one vice-pres. fortunately, i decided to give the honour to beatrice instead. with a few minutes, we had to dress them up with the full armour of God.

Helmet of Salvation, Breastplate of Righteouness, Shield of Faith, Sword of the Spirit, Belt of Truth and Sandal of Peace.

With them dress up with the armour of God, the rest of us were told to go and hide around the area, an area that can be seen from out apartment. Finding a neat place to hide wasnt that easy, as we had to go to great pains to be invincible, some to the point of camouflaging with a baby bath pail and some running around to remain unseen. I for one was the third person to be caught, thanks to my long legs that revealed my shoes and was subsequently notice by my sister. apparently, most of thought that Kevin and Lincoln would be the only one catching us and making sure that we werent found my Leona and Beatrice, we were surprised to find they even had accomplices, all of them from the outgoing comms. the penalty that i received was a bought leg. it was pretty hard to get around with ur legs tied, so the other way was to hop around and boy, was it tiring. the games didnt turn out the way we expected it to be as some of us ventured to far into places where we shouldnt have gone only to be reprimanded by some people who stay around the area as the compound was supposedly off limit to this kind of activity. guess that what it feels like to have ur space encroached by other people. Having found everyone, we were supposed to light each of our candle and make sure it kept litted till the finishing line. However, due to the windy condition it was difficult to maintain a constant flame. So, smartly we decided to let our flames die out and only lit it once we were near the finish line. At the end of the game, each of us had to get out mouth into a bowl of flour to retrieve a sweet in it. it took quite a lot of blowing to help reveal the flour but it didnt stop us from getting flour in our mouths and some in their hair.

After the pretty challenging game which to me, was pretty tiring, we gathered back at the apartment to review what the game was. here is some of the elements of the game that represented something

Ballons : About 30 of this were placed on the roads for us to collect. This represented things that are precious to us that we hold on so dearly and would never let go. eg our accomplishments, success

I wasnt really bothered about collecting the ballons. Actually, i kinda forgotten about it all together. Desmond on the other hand was one who collected a few on the way. He had already 3 ballons when i first met him. Due to my capture, i was able to carry my candle as it needed to be protected so as the flame wouldnt die out. Therefore, i decided to entrust Des with my candle while i took over the care of one of his balloon. i was reluctant to let go of the balloon although there were numerous attempt by Nigel and Lincoln to dispose of it. I remain true to carrying it saying to them each time

"Temptation comes in dfferent forms. I'm not giving up my balloon."

Guess, i thought it represented a dream or vision and Nigel and Lincoln were people that come along our way to temp us so as to discountinue the dream that God had given to us. Guess, i got the concept of balloon in total reverse.

Candle : The candles represent the fire that we have.

The key for us to sustain a flame inspite of the windy condition around is to light the flame together, having our candles near to each other so as to make sure the flame stay burning. it was to symbolise to passing on of the fire from one comm to another and to make sure that all of us are working together to make sure the fire stay burning. this we failed to achieve as we thought that by letting the fire die and then lighting it back again we would be able to have the fire burning. true, this can be done but the difference is we had lost our first flame and lighted another when we shouldnt have. it easier to light a flame now but in real life, its hard to light another flame when one is lost.

This were the 2 main element in the game and it thought me that it is important to work as a team. its easier to alone and do things as it is far more easier that having someone to work with. But the idea of it isnt a an individual goal, but a collective goal that each of us had to be responsible with and even if it takes a longer time to accomplish, the main thing is to stick together through the rough and tough to accomplish not my goal, but God's goal for us. At this point of time, i realise something very strongly in my heard. it was my fear. my fear of man and not of God. i had always been so concern about how people viewed me, how my actions might be observe and how the struggle i face to be Christ-like. i realised that we should not view our actions on how others see us but to how God see us. i guess it would be a struggle then but a joy instead.

Jum Satay!!!

it was simply an exciting trip for all us. a trip that we had been waiting since the day we started our retreat. we were pretty excited to have Dr. Ian and his wife, Julianne to join us for the big feast. And boy was it a big one as the 20 plus of us ordered around 450 sticks of satay. It would also be a time for us to break our previous records in sataying. However, i failed to meet up to the expectation only to have Wee Liem and Lincoln tied for first place with 21 sticks each. I couldnt imagine how fast they really gobbled up they satays, as once the plate was left on the table, a turn of the head and back would see the plate totally wipe clean. for me, i only manage about 17 or 18 sticks (kinda lost count) but it was an improvement from the previous attempt. Guess the young guns are catching up and it will soon be time for me to retire from all of this.

The Opening of the Hearts

After a fullfilling dinner that made many of our waist an inch bigger, we settled down as now it was time for of sharing. Sharing about our personal reflection we did earlier. It started of pretty well where we took turns starting from kevin and passing it on to the next person called. After a few rounds, things started to get very personal and also emotional. tears began to drop as many of us began to pour out hearts, the frustration we encounter, our feelings, our thoughts. i was nearly to tears but kind of kept it back as i knew if tears were to drop, it wouldnt be tears from my heart but tears caused by someone else. listening to the numerous testimonies, i decided to forgo my reflection earlier as i felt that it was not what i wanted to share personally and found pretty redundant. i began to share about my life as a cf comm and how my life was change and how i am who i am now because of my involvement in the CF. i personally felt that i have grown more matured in my thinking. However, as for my personal quiet time, there was some improvement but not an improvement that i hope to obtained after writing down my expectation of the year the previous time. in someway i manage to find a suitable way to speak to Him that is when i am jogging or walking to class. reading God's word seem to be a diffulty i face because i have yet to find the passion to read. this is one area that i still have to personally pray on so that i can find a suitable style that fits me and that i feel comfortable. i never wanted my quiet time to be monotous or should i say routine. i believe that it should be natural. so how to i start feeling natural with His word? so start a routine, i guess...

Besides that, i also shared that at times we are so concern about making sure that all our activities that we have planned to far goes according to plan and it feels that each of us are just like working partners. we seem to have lost the main idea of serving in the CF comm is because we are friends. Friends that would be there to encourage one another when the going get tough. I realised that many of us were beginning to fall away due to a number of reasons such as stress, worn out, questions, thoughts, unbelieved and business. we cant seem to put a foothold in the the grounds of faith that at times many of us seem to fall under pressure. living as a christian is not an independant lifetstyle. it is a coorperative lifestyle that require each and everyone of us to be accountable with one another. if one of us fall, the rest will eventually. so it is very vital that each of us support one another when the signs of falling seems obvious. be cautious of faith as a slight mistake or disregard may cause us to stumble and fall deep down the pit.

this session was simply enrinching for many of us as we found out that many of us were on the same boat. we seem to believe at times we are all alone facing this problems where there actually many people like us, some even more worse than us. so it is always important to look our for one another and pray that He will continue to strengthen us when we faced difficulties that might stumble us.

Day 3

This would be last anf final day of a wonderful retreat. Many of us are reluctant to return back to reality as i guess reality seems to be put on hold for a while during this whole retreat. Morning walk seems out of the question this morning as i got up pretty late, almost to breakfast. i quickly rushed into the bathroom and got myself a quick shower before heading to the table where my day will finally start. Many of us had already started eating and food was beginning to run dry. i quickly got myself a plate and tried as desperately as possible to get my hands at most of the stuff laid there. this morning menu consisted of a variety of sandwich spread. i guess there were tuna, some cheesy thingi, cornbeef and some egg stuff. it was simply cheesy as i quickly tried all the spreads. AWESOME!!!

Our last session ended with a simple reflection on the retreat and also a prayer for the outgoing and incoming committee. it was really short as we were kind of running out of time as check-out was at 12pm. it was hard to leave the place as we wanted more of it. going back to reality was simply to hard for all of us. back to assignments, test and work. simply no life. well i guess we didnt want to go back that early and decided to head down to MINES again, for our lunch. this time most of us opted for a light meal, thanks to the heavy breakfast we had in the morning.

Well, i can one thing that it had been a really inspiring retreat for all of us. i hope that from this retreat we are able to create a bond among the new committees and also continue our friendship with leaving. Simply the best weekend i ever had! Looking forward for more time like this...