Letting Go

I took some time to ponder upon this before having the courage to write this up. My mind have been in a daze for quite awhile over this issue but I am glad that God is beside me as I move on with my life and face it.

I was involve in an unofficial relationship for about 11 months. It all started pretty naturally as friends and then we progress closer to be big brother and small sister. Things have been good at that time as I was happy to have her as company. We got to know each other well through online chat, which sometimes lasted till the wee hours of the morning. Other than that, we occassionaly called each other and visited one another. It was going on well until feelings came into the picture and before we knew it we were in a relationship.

During this relationship, I had become weak and fell into temptation. I was not strong and matured enough to handle a relationship. There was much doubts and uncertainty that I could not bring myself to ask her to become my girlfriend. I wanted to but felt that she wasn't. I tried to wait for the right time but it never came. Maybe I should have been strong enough, maybe I should tried harder. I had gone into this relationship hoping that I had found someone I truly like and that it would last. It had ended.

I was hearbroken when I had a chat with her and she decided that we became friends. Things that had looked certain turned out beyond my imagination. I could not bring myself to accept this fact. My heart was sad and hurt. I cried out to God and ask Him why this had happened. In a flash, I was reminded about God's warning to me that I would loose her if I did not come back to Him. My procrastination and denial turn out for the better of me and I soon lost her love.

There were many emotions within. Feeling of my trust taken away from me, feeling of anger towards her, feeling of being cheated. I had placed all the blame on her instead of myself. She kept quiet and did not blame me for anything. I was confuse. I cried out to Him each day asking for His guidance. I soon got an answer, "Let Go". It was a hard thing to do. I had so much memories with her that I was holding on hoping that I would be given another chance. What good will it do to both of us?

I was told that she had found someone she like. There was nothing much I could do but ask of God to restore me and our friendship. I knew our level of love was different. As much as I love her, I knew I had to let her go. I know I would not be able to close to her anymore as much as I wanted to. I had to let go.

During this entire relationship, I had learned alot. I had learned to trust in God even more, allowing Him to take control of my life. There was nothing I could do except through Him. I needed to come to His throne again and revived back that passion for Him again. It has been a swell of a time during this past months and I thank God for accepting me and building me up to be more like Him.

I had also learned alot from her. She had taught me about being rationale, how to be open and transparent, how to always protect your friends even if people might see them differently and always being positive in everything. I know I would not be getting any late nights SMS anymore neither would I hear your voice over the phone but I hope we could still be friends. All the memories I had with you I treasure. I was always remember you as the girl I had love and care about. Now, I know what it feels like loving someone. I hope to experience someone who will one day love me back.

To you, thank you so much for being patient throughout our time together. I apologise for anything that I have done and said that may have cause you much hurt. I pray that you will always be happy and that you will always serve Him and place Him in ur heart always. I appreciate you. Goodbye.